God told my bf to end the relationship to progress forward

  • Thread starter Thread starter rose
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
I will ask again and ask him what god exactly said to him because I’m sure that god will never break a happy relationship and will help us
 
rose said:
I will ask again and ask him what god exactly said to him because I’m sure that god will never break a happy relationship and will help us
Click to expand...
You can try, but I think he’s taking the coward’s way out and blaming “God” rather than taking responsibility for things he’s found. He broke up with you. You would be unwise to do anything but stay broken up with a man who is immature enough to blame God without any other reasoning…even if he comes up with a good reason at a later time.
 
So he asked god what thing he needs to do to get closer to god and move forward and god told him to step away, so was I a distraction? After do you think we can get back?
 
Rose its ended.
Move on…youve dodged a bullet, you deserve better.
 
rose said:
I will ask again and ask him what god exactly said to him because I’m sure that god will never break a happy relationship and will help us
Click to expand...
I’m sorry, I’m not going to join in the chorus of people calling your boyfriend crazy or saying that you’ve dodged a bullet somehow. Instead, I’m going to focus on what is incorrect in the last part of your statement (that God would never break a “happy” relationship).

God doesn’t desire temporal happiness. He desires your salvation for your eternal happiness. There are plenty of relationships which make people feel good, but which don’t serve the primary purpose of discernment towards marriage (which itself is a calling to serve the community in raising a faithful family).

One of the most important things my priest told me during my marriage prep was that people are first to discern if they’re called to have children (marriage) and then they should discern with whom they are called to carry out that sacred duty. Only when we approach a relationship from the perspective of it’s ends: serving the salvation of the family unit that will be built, can we approach dating from a healthy perspective with an eye on God’s ends. If we’re merely looking for someone who “makes us happy” then we’re using dating and marriage in a lustful way: treating a human being as a means (rather than an ends) to producing good feelings for ourselves.

I don’t know anything about your relationship. You haven’t said much here. Maybe what your ex boyfriend is working through (consciously or unconsciously) is that he doesn’t feel that your relationship, in its current form, is moving you both towards salvation and towards the ends of an appropriate marriage and family building. Maybe he’s only mildly conscious of that fact, and maybe he just doesn’t have the words to put it that way to you at this time. Maybe he only has a feeling deep down that he hasn’t discerned whether he is called to marriage or to celibacy, and he needs time to decide that FIRST before he can possibly resume the process of deciding WHO he is to marry (if that’s his calling).

I will say that from the fact that you think a relationship is about making the members “happy” (temporal good feelings), that maybe rather than moving on you could use this time to reflect on the value of a relationship which serves its actual ends rather than a relationship in which both people use each other to produce good feelings. You can use a time as a single person to work on and develop your understanding of relationships so that when you decide to return to dating (with this one or another person) you can do so from a better perspective.
 
This is what happened,So he asked god what thing he needs to do to get closer to god and move forward and god told him to step away, so was I a distraction? After do you think we can get back?

We are quite young to talk about marriage right now but this could be the case. I’m not sure what he means by move forward though? Would you be able to explain
 
rose said:
This is what happened,So he asked god what thing he needs to do to get closer to god and move forward and god told him to step away
Click to expand...
The implicit question I think we’re all asking is: how did God tell him this? Did he hear a voice? Did he feel, in his heart, that this is what God wants him to do?
,so was I a distraction?
Click to expand...
Don’t torture yourself with this question. It’s not worth asking, and there’s never going to be an answer.
After do you think we can get back?
Click to expand...
Like you said, if you don’t even know what “move forward” means, how could you hope to know what will happen after “moving forward”?
I’m not sure what he means by move forward though? Would you be able to explain
Click to expand...
No, we can’t explain it. Since he’s the one who said it, then he needs to explain to you what he means by it.
 
Without knowing more details I would wager that he’s making an excuse and lying about his true intentions.

It’s an easy way out without hurting you. It’s kind of like saying “listen, it’s not you but its me.”
 
Last edited:
Rose you do seem to be a little obsessed and compulsed with getting him back regardless of the facts.

This suggests you have a somewhat dependenent personality at the moment and are trying to avoid this pain by getting him back by grasping at strwas. I think you know this deep down.

As the previous poster said, spend this time usefully reflecting on life as a single person. It will help you discover a new path and provide occassion to strengthen your independence.

If the guy wants you he will come back. If he doesnt it isnt the end of the world regardless of your feelings. They will not last if you truly let go as is now being asked of you.
 
We can’t tell you if he will come back, but it’s suspicious to me that he would use God as an excuse to end the relationship. My ex-husband told me that he got in touch with his higher self and a voice told him to get a divorce. Turned out, that “voice” was a woman who worked in his office who he married 6 months later. So, ask your boyfriend to tell you the truth and see what he says.
 
In my experience, within the vocation of marriage, it helps A LOT if both parties share in the same values with stuff like … love of God.

Rose, you’re posting on a Catholic forum, safe assumption you are as such. If your ex-bf says that God told him to step back, then that indicates to me that the two of you aren’t sharing God between yourselves. As a married man, I know how important it is to be united in love of God.

At any time in your relationship with your ex-bf, did you ever pray together?

I’d agree with the other posters, at least from the one side of the story we’re hearing (your side), that using God as an excuse is not a good thing. Your ex-bf would have to be willing to open up a little more and go deeper into the reasoning and motivation behind his decision. Though, as hearts go in the heart of hearts thing, most people don’t like to expose their innermost heart. I would wager that you won’t get any honesty about his decision at this point, sounds like he’s already made up his mind and nothing can change that fact.

Have you ever wondered why breaking up with boyfriends/girlfriends is so heartwrenching? Why divorced couples go through so much pain? Simple, we are ordered to be one with another, united physically, spiritually, and emotionally 100% vested in the other, that’s how marriage is supposed to be and that’s why bf/gf relationships can be so tough because it falls short of that commitment, especially when one in the relationship decides he or she doesn’t want it, for whatever reason, sound or unsound.

Trust in God that He knows what’s best for you and even if you’re with something that isn’t so good, or even bad at times, know that there will always be true peace that comes out of every difficult situation as you offer your suffering within the suffering of Christ, makes unity in the participation of the sacrifice. Be at peace, offer your sorrowful heart, pray daily, and within a few days the graces of God will flow through you and offer you a peace that you didn’t think could be possible given the situation that you’re in. If you give God $1, he’ll give you $7 back (not real money, spiritual money) … pay a buck by praying daily, say a rosary or two, keep going to Mass, go to a bonus Mass during the week … your soul will be filling up with the graces of God and those graces will, absolutely, without a doubt, help you during your difficult times.
 
rose said:
This is what happened,So he asked god what thing he needs to do to get closer to god and move forward and god told him to step away, so was I a distraction? After do you think we can get back?

We are quite young to talk about marriage right now but this could be the case. I’m not sure what he means by move forward though? Would you be able to explain
Click to expand...
Rose, I don’t think anyone here can answer most of these questions. You know whether your relationship was working towards God or being a distraction. Only you can answer questions about if your relationship was about trying to gain temporal pleasure from each other or assisting each other towards salvation. I mean, this is not to say that EVERY aspect of a relationship needs to be about church and God, but if a relationship ONLY serves the purpose of self-gratification, then it is a really hollow one. None of us knows you or your relationship well enough to make that call. You do. And your ex-boyfriend does. Both of you have that call to make.

Moreover, the question of whether or not you two will get back together is second to the more important question: should you two be together at all? I can’t help but go back to telling you that you should reflect on whether your actions together as a couple help you both towards your ultimate calling and your salvation. If they don’t then, you shouldn’t get back together at all.

Finally, you noted that you’re too young to be considering marriage right now. If that’s the case, then why are you dating? What does dating do if it isn’t ordered towards it’s natural end of determining if the other person is the right person for you to answer a sacred duty of raising a family in the faith? Frivolous dating serves what purpose? If it’s just about producing happy feelings, then it’s wrong to consume another human being for that purpose. If it’s about answering some insecurity of needing someone to feel validated, then this is something that no one can provide for you, and that also should be an impediment to a relationship. Again, this comes back to the question of whether or not you two should be together right now, or if it’s better to take some time to look at your calling in life and then maybe approach the relationship (or any other relationship) from a better angle later…
 
I think that was our mistake, we hardly went to see each other and if we did have time we will pop in to church for like 10 mins but we never prayed together because we hardly see each other anyway
 
michaelArc said:
Without knowing more details I would wager that he’s making an excuse and lying about his true intentions.

It’s an easy way out without hurting you. It’s kind of like saying “listen, it’s not you but its me.”
Click to expand...
This is an incredibly uncharitable approach to the young man in question (though you’re not alone, a lot of people have decided that the young boy is either a coward, a liar, or both).

Is it so hard to believe, based on the dependency and youth we’ve seen here, to believe that the boy has properly discerned that this relationship isn’t doing anything to move both parties towards their salvation and to discern whether or not he is even called to marriage in the first place? This is a catholic forum, isn’t it? We should be encouraging young people to properly understand relationships and marriage and to take the time to discern properly… not telling some girl that she dodged a bullet and to dive right back into frivolous and pointless dating with others.

Let’s maybe take a moment to charitably assume that the boy is properly concerned for the course of his and his ex-girlfriend’s soul and maybe help people to grow here rather than enjoining the high school drama scene with them.
 
Thank you, he can’t use god as an excuse that’s a sin. I believe he wouldn’t do that. I think because he asked god to be better in life as he wasn’t doing well due to me being the distraction and him focusing on me too much, he couldn’t balance work, god and me at the same time so he had to let me go in order to do this, I find this reasonable but it’s a shame. I think if he achieves something and gets close to god, I should hopefully be back and I’m praying for this to happen
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top