Godmother cannot make it to baptism

[phil8888]

Hi everyone,

I am the Godfather for my brother’s daughter, whose baptism is coming up on Sunday.

I don’t know the Godmother very well. She is a friend of my brother’s wife. Anyway, I just found out through facebook that she can’t make it to the baptism.

I’m wondering what the deal is on a situation like this.

But on a broader point, I’m a little annoyed how things seem to go with my bro and his wife anyway. For example, his girl was born almost 6 months ago, but she has not yet been baptized. Secondly, it seems the baptism is an afterthought. They were planning on doing the baptism at the last minute before they went home. In other words, they would have a celebration and family get together BEFORE the baptism, and then quickly have the baptism and go back to their home town.

His wife is non-practicing Salvation Army, and the Godmother is not Catholic (although the baby is being baptized in a Catholic Church). I just find all the religious stuff is a mere afterthought to the other plans. The same was the case with their wedding. They were far more concerned with the reception. I know I’m on a tangent now, but they could have a wedding at my bro’s childhood parish, but they thought 11am was too early. They also got another time for 4pm at a parish he frequented less often, but that was too late (they both conflicted with their reception plans). Anyway, they were even considering doing it at a salvation army place to get a better time, but eventually found a Catholic Church that was available for 2:30 or 2:00 or something. Just seemed like the actual marriage rite was the least important thing in their plan.

Anyway, I’m really mostly looking for your thoughts on the Godmother who is not even going to be there, but says she wants to see them some other time while they are here…

 

[puzzleannie]

if the presumed “Godmother” is not Catholic she is not a godmother, she is at most a Christian witness. You will be the only godparent, and only one is required. Had this person been Catholic, another adult could have stood in as a proxy. No problema. Looks like you will be called upon do fulfill your duties in full as these parents seem like they will need all the help they can get in raising this child Catholic. God bless you.

 

[faithfully]

You know… unless you ask your brother, you’ll never know their exact reasons for their choices. You can only speculate.

They may be lackadaisical in their timing… perhaps there are reasons.

For example the Godmother to my children was coming from out of town. And IMO it HAD to be her. We worked with her work schedule, as well as Doctors orders that my children were to pretty much be house bound for the first 6 months (and not exposed to many people and their germs). The weekend we picked allowed for more family to come. Ideal? No. The way it worked out… seemingly fine. The Godfather, is a Christian, not Catholic. This may bug you. However, this was MY way of including my husband in the choices (Since he’s NOT Catholic) He was allowed (by me LOL) to choose between my Catholic cousin, or his best friend who is very religious, just not Catholic. I’m also really open with my family regarding my choices, so no one had a beef about any of it.

Sounds like you weren’t consulted on the details. Just asked to be GF. You have 2 choices the way I see it. Decide NOT to be GF because you don’t like the way they do things. Or Be the GF, and fulfill your role with the utmost attention to detail. For example. Did you buy your GD a gift? A crucifix for her room? A framed photo of Christ maybe? Sounds like it might be up to you to keep Christ in her life. You should feel honored! Your brother could have chosen someone has off the cuff as himself.

And nevermind the GM.

I can see how you might be upset. My SIL was furious that she wasn’t the GM,. Not that she’s Catholic or has a clue about what it means to be GM… just that she thought the deserved the title or should “have at least been considered”… Some people just really don’t have a full grasp on the situation.

And hey, you may be doing a lot with GM in the future. So consider being polite. I know that EVERYTIME I’m selected to do something for my best friend, her DH’s Brother will be my “partner”… this has been going on for so long that people have thought us married. We were Best man & Maid of Honor, GF & GM… it’s always like that.

And well, with weddings… Yes, the sacarament is important. Of COURSE it’s important. But you might not realize that lots of women have planned their “perfect day” years before they even met their DH. It may be that your SIL is a bit flighty and only certain things mattered to her. And she’s not Catholic (??) So that wouldn’t really figure into her equation of importance… I guess for some of us, it just worked out so well, that you couldn’t seperate the secular from the Catholic components…

 

[phil8888]

Thanks faithfully (and puzzleannie) for your comments. I want to just comment on some stuff faithfully said.

First of all, I appreciate your insight into the matter.

It’s funny you mention how I was chosen and stuff to be the Godfather. It’s actually a bit funny how it worked out. I (again) saw on facebook that this non-catholic woman was going to be the Godmother. She had announced it on her facebook. I wondered to myself who the Godfather would be. I mentioned something to my brother like Do you have a Godfather selected? And he basically no, you want to be the Godfather? So after some thought I accepted. I guess it seemed a little strange because I wasn’t approached with it first and it just seemed like he asked because I asked. I was a little reluctant given the way it came up, but I accepted happily.

I got a cross for her yesterday to give to her for her baptism. It’s funny because I asked my mom about getting her a crucifix, but for some reason, my mom seemed a bit hesitant to suggest that. She seemed to think it was a bad idea, especially the “old fashioned” type of cross. Anyway, I bought a cross that is more for a child. It has a lamb on it and says you are a child of God. I guess this could be another blog post.

I will definitely be her Godfather. It’s funny, my SIL’s mother also had some qualms about the way my SIL and brother was approaching this issue. She thought they were waiting too long to have the baptism and that it was strange to have it just before they went back. The funny thing is she’s not even Catholic, she’s a practicing Salvation Army person.

 

[puzzleannie]

I will definitely be her Godfather. It’s funny, my SIL’s mother also had some qualms about the way my SIL and brother was approaching this issue. She thought they were waiting too long to have the baptism and that it was strange to have it just before they went back. The funny thing is she’s not even Catholic, she’s a practicing Salvation Army person.

yes it is odd as SA don’t recognize baptism as a sacrament necessary for salvation. Sounds like God’s grace is at work making things come together for this family and this will be the avenue for further grace and action of the Holy Spirit.

 

[faithfully]

Nice cross choice!!!

Honestly, Christ hanging on a cross can be a bit much for children. I actually had one of my kids start acting out a station of the cross… Christ being nailed to the Cross. It was a little startling.

Yeah, I def. see God’s hand working here… don’t you?

 

[puzzleannie]

I am willing to bet Faithfully can give examples of how that grace has worked in her own family in similar situations.

 

[Phemie]

yes it is odd as SA don’t recognize baptism as a sacrament necessary for salvation. Sounds like God’s grace is at work making things come together for this family and this will be the avenue for further grace and action of the Holy Spirit.

I’ve often found that someone who is devout in their faith will make an effort to help me be devout in mine, while a not very devout Catholic will often not care or notice.

DH’s United Church going aunt always made sure that I had someone to drive me to Mass when I was visiting, even though I’d attended church with them. She was the one who advised DH, when we were still dating, that if we married and had children they should be raised in the faith of the one who was most devout, and kind of raised an eyebrow at him as if to say, “You know that ain’t you.”