Godparent choice for Baptism

[lilyramone]

Hello everyone. I need some advice. I hope my post isn’t too long.
I am a cradle Roman Catholic and have been blessed with two miracle children by the grace of God. I am the youngest of 6, 5 girls and one boy. I am 41 and my eldest sister is 55. I was not very close to my siblings due to a large gap in our ages. When my miracle son was born I embraced my siblings like never before and asked my eldest sister and only brother to be his Godparents. Two years later I found I was pregnant with miracle baby #2 !!! Within hours of finding out I was pregnant I asked the same sister and brother to be Godparents to my unborn daughter. Unfortunately since that time, April 2008, I have come to know this sister better and I am terribly disappointed in choices she has made and her behavior since asking her to be the Godmother. My daughter is now 6 months old and I am desperate to have her Baptised, but I no longer want this sister as the Godmother. I have come to know another sister over the past year and my husband and I agree that she is our preferred choice. My parents have told me that it will cause problems if I don’t let the first one I asked to remain the Godmother, but I no longer consider her an optional Godmother for my daughter. I love her and she is still my son’s Godmother, but I do not approve of her actions or things she has said over the past year and I can not consciously choose her. How do I let her know I want the other sister without causing problems? Should I be “stuck” with her even though I feel it is the wrong choice? I am very confused and the clock is ticking…I just want my daughter baptised! If I have her baptised privately with orwithout Godparents, the eldest sister will eventually ask me when we are baptising my daughter. Any advice is helpful. Thank you all for listenting and God bless.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Hello everyone. I need some advice. I hope my post isn’t too long.
I am a cradle Roman Catholic and have been blessed with two miracle children by the grace of God. I am the youngest of 6, 5 girls and one boy. I am 41 and my eldest sister is 55. I was not very close to my siblings due to a large gap in our ages. When my miracle son was born I embraced my siblings like never before and asked my eldest sister and only brother to be his Godparents. Two years later I found I was pregnant with miracle baby #2 !!! Within hours of finding out I was pregnant I asked the same sister and brother to be Godparents to my unborn daughter. Unfortunately since that time, April 2008, I have come to know this sister better and I am terribly disappointed in choices she has made and her behavior since asking her to be the Godmother. My daughter is now 6 months old and I am desperate to have her Baptised, but I no longer want this sister as the Godmother. I have come to know another sister over the past year and my husband and I agree that she is our preferred choice. My parents have told me that it will cause problems if I don’t let the first one I asked to remain the Godmother, but I no longer consider her an optional Godmother for my daughter. I love her and she is still my son’s Godmother, but I do not approve of her actions or things she has said over the past year and I can not consciously choose her. How do I let her know I want the other sister without causing problems? Should I be “stuck” with her even though I feel it is the wrong choice? I am very confused and the clock is ticking…I just want my daughter baptised! If I have her baptised privately with orwithout Godparents, the eldest sister will eventually ask me when we are baptising my daughter. Any advice is helpful. Thank you all for listenting and God bless.

I would speak with your pastor. This would them give you the opportunity to explain to her that in order to be a Godparent you must be in good standing with the Church and an example of living the Catholic Faith. You find that due to some of her life choices, she now does not meet these requirements.

 

[kyria]

I made the mistake of having my sisters as Godparents because I had been told the requirement was for a Catholic to be a Godparent. However neither of my sisters are practicing Catholics, hence they are not in a position to support and assist my children in nurturing their Catholic Faith. And when children go through the sacrament of Confirmation it is ideal that the Godparents are their sponsors, however I am not doing this for my children, because neither of my sisters are practicing their Faith. And I regret my decision, because in my family there is really only my mother and myself who can really support my children in the Faith, and at times it would be nice to have someone else who can assist and be a role model.

At the end of the day this is about your child and having someone who can support the parents in nurturing the child’s Catholic Faith, and having the sister you originally asked might alleviate family conflict but is this going to assist your child?

So many times I see children baptised with Godparents who aren’t practicing or cafeteria, and we wonder why we have such a high number of our children fall away from the Faith.

The family is one of the fundamental teachers of our children’s Faith, so it really is important we choose role models for our children to follow and role models who are going to be there to support the Catholic upbringing of our children. Otherwise what is the point of having a Godparent. There is a reason we have Godparents. But these days many people seem to view a Godparent as just fitting the criteria of having to have one, with very little consideration or awareness of what a Godparents role actually entails.

I am glad you have recognised the need for a suitable Godparent for your child, and family conflicts often blow over, but you don’t want your child’s Faith to end up blowing away, so all you have to do is explain to your family and sister the role of a Godparent and that you take that role seriously and for the benefit of your child, you wish to have a Godparent who is practicing, meets the standing of the Church and your expectations, and thus can assist and support you in your child’s Catholic Faith. If the sister is offended, then that is her choice to be offended.

I read somewhere that the role of a Godparent is not an honor, it is a ministry.

 

[puzzleannie]

. How do I let her know I want the other sister without causing problems? Should I be “stuck” with her even though I feel it is the wrong choice? I am very confused and the clock is ticking…

not a good reason to delay baptism
could you not simply tell Sis#1, you know, I wonder if I am slighting Sis #2, by asking you to serve again, and I don’t want to hurt her feelings, don’t you thing I should ask her to be godmother?

 

[lilyramone]

I appreciate all the advice, it really helps.
To Br Bich, I am afraid that singling her out in front of the priest will create extreme problems. I would like to avoid long term problems.
To Puzzleannie, I was actually thinking about that very idea. I was thinking about asking the second sister and her husband, this way the first sister doesn’t feel singled out by me keeping my only brother as the Godfather. I thought about stating that I wanted to include the second sister and her husband since she and my brother are Godparents to my son. This is such an important decision. I can not change that she is my son’s Godmother, but I can make sure she won’t be my daughter’s. She is very moody and I know she will always hold a grudge because of this, but as Kyria stated, it is not an honor, it is a ministry.
Thank you again.

 

[Kielbasi]

6 months is a long time for a baby to wait to be baptized- it may be a violation of canon law to wait so long.

If you don’t think your sister would be an appropriate godmother- then recruit another relative or friend and get moving on this.

 

[Seatuck]

You are going to have to face this head on and very soon. Like 6 months ago .Seriously don’t delay baptism any longer. You might want to bring this up the next time you go to confession that you have delayed baptism.Canon Law says we must baptize our children within the first weeks of life.

Can. 867 §1. Parents are obliged to take care that infants are baptized in the first few weeks; as soon as possible after the birth or even before it, they are to go to the pastor to request the sacrament for their child and to be prepared properly for it.

I was not very smart a very long time ago and waited without very good reason for about 4 1/2 months and needed to confess that. I really didn’t have a great reason for waiting. So talk it over with your Priest and confess it if necessary.

There probably will be issues as your Mother said. It is customary to have different Godparents for each child if you can so you could just say that to her. There is no other way to look at this but that you are “un asking her”. There are bound to be hurt or upset feelings. Then there will be feelings of judgement if you tell here she’s not living a moral life. I’m sorry you asked her but you did and you will have to un ask her as gently as possible to continue family harmony. Also that you can maintain a relationship and hopefully be a good example to her.

Praying for you . Navigating these touch family situations can be very difficult.