i understand, sjegts. you know, i was homeless (literally, sleeping wherever i could) for years. i worked my tail off and never seemed to reach that point where i could be self-sustaining. sure alot of it was the fault of addiction and rebellion, but i certainly tried. anyways, i was finally able to start keeping the finances up to the level where i could actually pay rent and bill, as well as bus fare to work. i still struggle; idk how i will pay my electric bill this month. And honestly, i really have no idea why things are any different now- i have done little different in the past five years. I don’t believe God was testing my faith or anything like that; he doesn’t work like that. All I know is he has his own reasons for allowing suffering, and there is nothing i could ever do to understand that, short of going to heaven and asking (which i plan to do!), but now things are better, and i still praise and thank God for what I DO have. I really hope you stay strong and that God sees fit to bless you financially and spiritually, for his glory.