God's promises for us in relationships

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I would appreciate someone else’s (name removed by moderator)ut on this. I met someone recently who also goes to Daily Mass who I didn’t think was “the one,” so to guard my heart and prevent me from wasting time thinking about him, I made a list of reasons why I thought we would not be compatible together, some of them less important but some of them really important. But with time, he has unexpectedly broken a lot on that list, I’ve seen him carry out without faltering very Christ-like deeds, and I’ve realized he’s a really godly, hardworking, gentle guy who does everything wholeheartedly. And this scared me because 1. I could no longer use my list to prevent me from thinking about him and 2. Even though I felt God telling me he’s not the one, now I was worried that this was some elaborate plan by God to get us to be friends first.

I think God sensed how much I needed reassurance and needed to focus on other things going on in my life right now (and not keep wondering if he was the one), so I then heard God promise me he’s not “the one,” and I trust that God does not break his promises. But now all I have left to hold on to is God’s promise, and that should be enough but it’s beginning to make less and less sense. With each day, I see more of his good heart, and I know that there are a lot of brothers in Christ with good hearts out there and I’ve kept everything so pure in my interactions with him, but at this point I wish God would at least give me a glaring reason why we weren’t meant to be instead of these weird coincidental, almost what feels like nudges in the other direction. I know that God is either protecting me or waiting for me to meet my future husband with his no, but can God make personal promises like this with us? Can he change them if he wanted to?

Thank-you in advance!
 
Prayer for you that God-given good sense will guide you in your important life choices.

God doesn’t always give us signs or specific promises although our personalities can sometimes supply what we believe to be signs. There are times when there can be a specific inspiration.
However, God gave us intelligence and good sense along with wisdom and self-preservation as well as generosity to help us make balanced choices in this imperfect world, where no one is perfect, least of all … any one of us.

May God bless you, and may God bless this man who appears to be a good person, whom, it would appear, many good Catholic women would be delighted to have as husband

Best wishes in your life journey with God.
 
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Just a thought and please don’t take offence but are you looking to hero worship a man? If I was doing this I might think that “he/she’s not the one” meant that God was reminding me that He is the one.
When we’re young we invest a lot in people and just like us they are flawed in many ways.
This man sounds great, love is the key though.
 
Thank-you for your prayers and for your wishes. Could you also pray that I don’t make an idol out of him? And he out of me! There’s a song with lyrics that say anything you can’t stop thinking about is an idol. We did not start going to Mass because of each other, and I will not stop going to Mass just because I can’t stop thinking about him, but I’m afraid of us going to Mass for the wrong reasons, of us placing the good of our friendship above the good of God.
 
“The one” sounds a lot like the notion of “soul mates”. This is not compatible with the Catholic teachings on free will.

Why not spend time with your friend and see if you both have a romantic interest in each other? The best marriages are between best friends.
 
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Wait…so you didn’t even date this guy and you just thought about how he’s the one/not the one? That’s not how any of this works. How could you know a person would be the one or not without dating them? Did I read your post wrong?
 
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Another thing: if everyone had a list like that no one would get married because no one is perfect. Would you pass his list?
 
No offence taken at all! I believe God placed a desire in my heart since I was really young to find one person who I was created with him in mind. I realize that he’s not perfect (and I don’t want a perfect man, just someone who’s perfect for me). I made that silly little list to control my thoughts and not because my aim was perfection. Your comment reminded me that technically we know we have found the right one only when God joins us together in marriage.
 
I know it doesn’t seem compatible, but I believe it can be! Even if we have complete free will and we must freely choose to love this person, God because he is all-knowing already knows who we will end up with.
 
I would not want to date someone else’s future husband. I believe dating should be approached after discernment and with a lot of caution. I would rather take my time, develop a friendship, and see his heart in this way first.
 
And the reason I made that silly list was to control my thoughts and not because my aim was perfection.
 
Thank-you Mrs Cloiseters! There are tugs in both directions, hence the confusion. Thank-you for reminding me that I haven’t seen him under pressure
 
no one finds their future husband by being overly cautious. dating around is a good thing. not everyone you date is going to be your future husband. sometimes it’s good to date just to figure out what you need from a guy
 
It certainly is important to marry someone good and compatible,
I think most sensible people would carefully consider the choice.
I guess I’m not someone who tends to put anyone on a pedistal as we are all fallible human beings, and all have flaws. I’m not impressed by the literary construct of ‘being in love’ something never mentioned in the bible. Love is, but not 'being in love".
Yes we can be attracted to someone.
But it’s love that matters, genuine respect and concern for each other even when things are tough, as inevitably they sometimes will be, with even the most laudible persons.
However, we do need to know who the other person really is, as there is no need to make life any more difficult than it need be by choosing someone whose behaviour and tendencies are going to make life a misery for oneself and for one’s children.

My mother used to say, ‘see how he treats his mother’, his family… but there are many practical observations. “You may be able to influence a person, but don’t count on it, or on being able to change a person.”. Don’t ignore red flags, which are likely to get worse after marriage. You seem to wish to balance inspiration with the practical, which is very necessary, I think.

Some people confuse attraction with love, and media and society supports that, but what Marriage most needs is love, which requires work and sacrifice beyond the atrtraction period of so-called ‘being in love’.

Some might think me cynical, but I see it as being a realist … having just celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary. we are certainly closer and better friends, more connected at this time than even in early marriage, but that certainly has reguired much courage, faith, faithfulness, , humour, consideration throughout years equalling half a century, some of which haven’t been easy.

God bless you
 
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