God's Will vs. Parents Will

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yraunaj1891

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I am really struggling coming to common ground with my parents and family with the relationship i am in. I am in my 30’s. I have a great job. I live my life according to what I was taught being raised as a Catholic.

I have known the man I am dating for 7 years now. We have a different relationship as he is much older than I, has been married, gone through an annulment, kids, and all that comes with the bag of goods! We have truly grown to love each other and have a wonderful relationship which many people support. With the exception of a few, my family does not support it.

It has become very hard because I don’t feel he is truly welcomed which makes it hard for them to go know him for he truly is. They all have a lot of pre-judgments about his character which are completely false. They don’t want to seem to let these go either. They don’t accept the idea of annullment and the list goes on and on. In the past, I have had a tendency in the past to abide to their wishes and not force anything in their face. This has turned out non-productive and something I wish I had done differently. Lately I have been very open and honest with them even if it hurts.

I value my faith a lot and have grown as an adult to truly trust in the Holy Spirit. I pray daily for God to put the Holy Spirit in my life to guide me down the path of His will. My problem is what I feel is my calling isn’t what my family feels should be my calling. I love my family alot and want to honor my parents appropriately but I feel like they aren’t accepting what I feel is God’s will for me.

Is it possible for one to follow God’s will still maintain peace with those who love me so dearly? Learning that this is one of those crosses i will bear in my life but not sure how to get others to accept it. Frustrating!!
 
yraunaj1891 said:
Is it possible for one to follow God’s will still maintain peace with those who love me so dearly?
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Is it possible ? Definitely !

Does it always happen? Sadly ‘no’. You can not change your parents and if it is God’s for you to marry this man, it is in NO way a guarantee your parents will accept it.
 
One of the ways you know that you’re ready to be married is that you are ready to draw boundaries with your family of origin in order to do your duty when it comes to the family of your own making.

It only takes one to love, but it takes two to keep a real peace. If you are patient, kind, never rude, and so on with your parents, that is love and honor. To honor your parents does not go so far as letting them have veto power over who you do and don’t marry.

Provided that you have honestly considered whatever reasonable cautions they have made, it is within your authority to call them off and declare that while you appreciate they have been trying to show that they care, future criticisms of your chosen spouse will no longer be entertained nor endured…no matter how things turn out. Period.

You will know after you have drawn your boundary if they mean to do their part to keep the peace between you (by finally abiding by your boundary, even if they can never pretend to like it), but I’d caution you to expect them not to believe you at first. You don’t need to get angry. Expect the push-back, and remain absolutely firm. Repeat what you said, don’t equivocate, and don’t feel a need to defend or explain. They have explanation enough; they just have to do the work to believe you mean what you say.
 
Thank you all for the responses. I know if I stay true to my faith and I am right with God then I am doing the right thing. Again, thank you for taking the time to respond to my post.
 
Wanting to keep peace with your family is understandable, but you have to draw the line somewhere. It sounds like you respectfully listened to their opinion, but as an adult, you are certainly not required to have their approval for a relationship. I married someone my mom disliked – she actually kicked us out of home while we were visiting for Christmas just before we got married (we went to stay with my grandparents). She didn’t come to the wedding. It’s now 6 months later and she’s doing a lot better with accepting it.
 
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