I have realized that I am a failure, a miserable human being, and one who is full of stupidity. For the past 2 weeks I have been thrown through a loop and I can’t handle the things that are beyond my control. Now I’m worried I have unintentionally ruined the rest of my life. But I don’t know if I’m being intensely scrupulous/paranoid or if I’m worrying over nothing. I am so confused that I don’t know what to believe anymore.
Which is why I’m wondering, how can we trust in God’s will? I trust in God, but maybe not fully trusting. I don’t know how to “offer myself” up (I think that’s the wrong terminology, is it more like “offering up my troubles?”).
Are there any Catholic resources (whether books by Catholic authors, Saints, etc.) that I should be drawn to with regards to dealing with anxiety and other “troubles of the world?” I’m constantly ruminating over a single issue and I can’t find the motivation to pray, read the Bible, or do anything for that matter.
I’m so sorry. I will pray for you.
You are not a failure, nor a miserable human being, nor full of stupidity. I promise. I understand, though. Many, many of us (myself included) have had those moments, weeks, months or even years of feeling that way. Don’t let these feelings separate you from Him.
Offering it up: it’s kinda like this, if I can explain it. Let’s suppose there is a finite amount of suffering allowed in the world in one day. Now, if you could struggle with the pain, in order that someone somewhere else couldn’t…you accept that pain, and offer it up for suffering to God, in order that someone else may be free of pain. I went through a very painful time for many years in my 20s. One day I broke through, and made it. But I could see how someone else, who was in a different state of life, perhaps without a closeness to God, or a supportive spouse, might not have been able to handle it (my sister never would have). I said to my husband, “If the pain and suffering that I went through might alleviate or save someone else from, pain, then it was worth it.”
Now giving God your troubles is (or can be) different. It’s something I"m learning. We want to take our troubles head on, fix them ourselves (or at least, I do). But I’ve at times gotten to the point where I have to say: GOD! I can’t do this! Help me to remember that YOU can take this cross, this pain, for me, to carry it, or even alleviate it." When I’ve confessed my sins to my priest at times, he’s reminded me that God is there for me, that He will take on this Cross for me, and that He already has.
Trusting God, trusting in God, can at times be difficult. We are human; we tend to see things more concretely. But we can and always should trust in God.
I would recommend praying, and perhaps, the Divine Mercy (beautiful and easy, especially when in distress). Even praying “Jesus I trust in you. Jesus, I love you. Jesus, I need you.” has been powerful for me personally.
My ‘go-to’ saint for this type of distress is St. Dymphna, and my others are St. Teresa of Avila, St. Jude, St. Cecilia, St. Therese of Liseaux.
You are more than welcome to email me if I can be of any additional help for you. Focus on God’s love for you, no matter if you feel you don’t deserve it. God created us. We are not worthless in any way.
Peace,
