Kendra, I am no theologian, just a guy, albeit one who’s following your situation and wishes I could help.
I have given this topic some though. Personally, I genuinely believe God has plans, tasks, etc., for each of us. Sometimes those tasks are harder than others, depending on our abilities: To whom much is given much is expected. I think there is some purpose(s) to our lives; as to myself, I speculate that one task is to be a good provider/husband/dad to my family, rather than achieve some great task myself. I also know the “enemy” tries to get each of us to not fulfill our tasks; and to not achieve things God wants for us, or from us. Much like the “choose your own adventure” books, the choices we make put us onto divergent paths, which can nonetheless lead to better or worse endings, depending on our choices - and our tasks may change depending on the choices we make along the way.
And unlike such books, in life there’s always the possibility of a happy ending.
In this massive crashing symphony where every life touches other lives, God has a tether to every human heart, and He sees us; encourages us; and, like a teacher who puts some kids in the gifted class and sends others for remedial help, He’s still there behind the scenes at all times.
Sadly, we have little true insight in this world - *but we’ll know in the next *- whether the proverbial “death of person X” was caused by an evil act, or was simply allowed by God as part of life because that person’s tasks had been completed. I speculate that the tasks we now think of as being the important things were actually mundane, and instead our tasks maybe were to say a particular thing to a particular person we’ve already forgotten about ever meeting, or related to someone we’ve never met.
I would encourage you to pray that maybe this “stuff” in your life could be because something better will occur down the road; maybe you gain some wisdom or understanding that you’ll use to help others; maybe there is some person out there God wants you to meet a few years from now, etc.
Just my $0.02.
Just a few weeks ago there was a shooting and a lady said that it must have been God’s will, while being interviewed outside of the house where it happened. This has NOTHING to do with my original post, BTW. You are just being argumentative. You’ve been here since 2005. Stay on topic or don’t contribute.