GoFundMe?

[Sugabee43]

I am struggling financially. My (ex) husband recently divorced me (not what I wanted). As a result, despite the house being paid off, my income has been drastically reduced and I can barely afford the monthly bills. I have cut everywhere I know to cut- basic cable (just to get the local channels and internet); lowered my cell phone bill (which I use instead of a land line); found a lower-cost alarm system. My car was bought used with no payments. I LOVE my job- it’s been the one uplifting thing (besides my faith, of course) that has gotten me through all of this. It doesn’t pay comparably to what my position would pay outside of the public education system where I work. I supplement it through picking up extra jobs within my district- selling tickets at sporting events, etc. My ex pays $150/mo to help with the medical insurance premium but that’s it; mainly because we only have 1 child under 18. No alimony. He pays me for half of what the homeowners insurance and property taxes will be, but I can’t touch that or I won’t be able to pay it when it comes due at the end of the year.

The biggest financial problem right now is my oldest son, who is 21. He had a drug-induced psychotic break over Palm Sunday weekend, and was hospitalized. Since then, he’s been in and out of different addiction therapy rehabs and psychiatric hospitals (because he’s had other breaks). He’s covered under my insurance, but it only pays for in-network claims and only certain amounts for prescriptions. The family deductible is $5500.00/year, and so far I’ve racked up over $700.00 on my credit card for prescriptions and postal charges to send him clothes and the like. Believing in the doctrine of subsidiarity, I have reached out to my pastor and asked if the parish could help me out, and he said yes, but he hasn’t responded to subsequent queries as to when or how much; just offered prayers and empathy.
My questions for you all are:

1. would it be moral/okay to start a GoFundMe page to ask for financial help?
2. as emotionally supportive as my job is, and the people I work with/for, should I find another position that pays more? My biggest fear is that while it will pay more, it won’t be what I need emotionally.

Thank you for your help.

 

[Irishmom2]

Sugabee, you should expect your husband to help out with your son’s bills. If he would be better covered under your husbands insurance, maybe he should cover him. If anything, you should not have to have total responsibility for your son. Can your son get his own insurance?,

If you don’t want to leave your current job, is it possible for you to find some part time job somewhere on the weekends or evenings?

My feeling about GoFundMe is that it is not a real solution. It’s a bandaid on a situation that will be ongoing.

 

[Sugabee43]

Sugabee, you should expect your husband to help out with your son’s bills. If he would be better covered under your husbands insurance, maybe he should cover him. If anything, you should not have to have total responsibility for your son. Can your son get his own insurance?,

If you don’t want to leave your current job, is it possible for you to find some part time job somewhere on the weekends or evenings?

My feeling about GoFundMe is that it is not a real solution. It’s a bandaid on a situation that will be ongoing.

My ex-husband is self-employed, so I don’t even know if he has insurance at this point. He was on mine until the divorce was finalized. He has shouldered our son’s individual deductible of $2250.
A friend suggested I sign my son up for Medicaid, because it would ‘fill the gaps’ of my insurance, and anything over what my insurance deems the reasonable charge could not be billed to me or my son. Since he’s not employed right now, that would be the only way for him to get his own insurance.

I could try and find a more “full-time” part time job, I guess. The job I have now does involve some evenings and weekend evenings during football season. Any suggestions as to what I could do that would be more than just minimum wage?

Thank you!!

 

[Irishmom2]

What kind of work do you do?

 

[Tis_Bearself]

With respect to the GoFundMe, it’s not immoral, but I tend to agree it would just be a temporary band-aid when you need to come up with a permanent solution. Also, it’s very possible that your story would not attract a lot of contributions. Most people contribute to a GoFundMe to help in a particular unexpected situation such as a natural disaster such as fire/flood/ tornado, a victim of a crime, a child or animal who has been abused or has a special health need. Often these stories are publicized through news or social media. Making one contribution in these circumstances is a way of expressing sympathy for someone’s extraordinary plight. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but a divorce and an addict in the family are not likely to be considered as extraordinary nor get much publicity. I say this after seeing various people get upset that their GoFundMe for help with their bills did not attract much money, whereas someone else with a more “newsworthy” case collected three times as much as they needed after their story went viral.

Regarding your addicted son, I know parents will sacrifice literally everything they have to help their child, but given that he is 21, he’s an adult and you are not in a good position to be paying his bills. I think the Medicaid suggestion is a good one. He may also be eligible for other public benefits that would cover his own expenses and reduce yours. I would look into that.

 

[Sugabee43]

What kind of work do you do?

I’m an administrative assistant for a public school.

 

[Irishmom2]

Sugabee, you mentioned looking for a more “full time” part time job, so would you consider full time work instead? That might be what you really need to do, unfortunately. Or two part time jobs, as long as you have benefits at the one you are at.

 

[venite_adoremus]

My advice to you:

(1) Keep the school district job. It is a good job. It makes you happy. You can do the job well. Your happiness and comfort are not worth sacrificing for money! Especially at a stressful time with a sick son! Most school jobs are part time, that’s the nature of the beast. Can you work extra hours? Our district allows employees to put in “extra pay time sheets” for year end work. Does your district offer home tutoring programs for children at risk? Does you district offer evening programs? Both of these are ways to find a few extra dollars now and again. Also, summer school. If you’re like most school employees, you’re on a 9 or 10 month contract with 12 months disbursement. Stick with the sure thing.

(2) Your son is 21. Get his financial independence started. Medicaid. Separate taxes. Part time job, when he is able. Do not sign yourself for any more of his medical treatments. He should be signing. He will be ineligible for your insurance anyway in five years or less. If financial hardship occurs down the line, it will be his, not yours. This, I realize, seems cold and unsympathetic. But there comes a time to draw a line in the sand. This far, no farther. Only you know where that line is in your situation.

(3) Don’t allow former husband to re-open the wounds that led to your divorce. Those wounds may in part lie behind your son’s issues. Likewise with the pastor. Check with Catholic Community Services in your area for available resources besides the parish.

(4) Short term debt trades “territory for time.” Don’t get caught without an escape route. Crowdfunding works only for the short term. Make public only what you are comfortable making public.

You are in our prayers.

 

[Sugabee43]

No sute what you mean, IrishMom. My current job is full time- 40 hours, plus some nights and weekends during football season. I’m willing to get a part time job in addition; as long as it’s worth the time I’ll be missing away from my sons. That’s another consideration for me, too. Scares me to be constantly working and not spending time with my youngest, who’s a sophomore in high school.

 

[Irishmom2]

I could try and find a more “full-time” part time job, I guess. The job I have now does involve some evenings and weekend evenings during football season. Any suggestions as to what I could do that would be more than just minimum wage?

Thank you!!

Okay, I took this as that you worked part time. I understand now. If you are working full time already, I don’t know that you should be working anymore than that, as you said your son is a sophomore. Yes, you should be home for him, you are right.

Do you have any hobbies or talents that could earn money for you that you can work on at home?

Does your 21 year old go to school or have any kind of job? Or is that not doable now? (You don’t need to answer that here.) Just wondering if perhaps he should be pitching in to help in some way.

 

[nodito]

I don’t know enough about Medicare or insurance options to advise you on that front but my initial impression is that you will be able to do more good for your family, including your troubled son, in the long run if you get yourself onto solid financial footing first. I think this means you stop taking on debt to pay his medical bills and medicine. If he’s in debt and you are able to get above water, you’ll eventually be in a stronger position to help him (by paying off his debt, providing extra generous gifts, or whatnot).

Given the choice between prescription meds and postal charges for clothes, I think you could probably safely eliminate the care packages. If he’s in a facility, they won’t let him go naked. And clothes are easily and happily donated by local churches. You could find a church nearby and ask if they’d be willing to donate a couple of sweatshirts and jeans and he’d be all set, right?

To address you specific questions:

1. I agree with previous posters that a GoFundMe campaign isn’t likely to elicit a strong response from the community and while not unethical, it doesn’t seem like a real solution to your problem.
2. II don’t see any harm in considering hunting for a new position that pays better, since it may turn out to be just a great as your current job and would address some of your financial issues to boot. Alternatively, are you due for a raise? If you’ve been going above and beyond for a while you could ask for you (just don’t bring up financial hardship as your motivation! You want the raise because you have been achieving x, y, and z in the workplace and you deserve one).

 

[Sugabee43]

My advice to you:

(1) Keep the school district job. It is a good job. It makes you happy. You can do the job well. Your happiness and comfort are not worth sacrificing for money! Especially at a stressful time with a sick son! Most school jobs are part time, that’s the nature of the beast. Can you work extra hours? Our district allows employees to put in “extra pay time sheets” for year end work. Does your district offer home tutoring programs for children at risk? Does you district offer evening programs? Both of these are ways to find a few extra dollars now and again. Also, summer school. If you’re like most school employees, you’re on a 9 or 10 month contract with 12 months disbursement. Stick with the sure thing.

(2) Your son is 21. Get his financial independence started. Medicaid. Separate taxes. Part time job, when he is able. Do not sign yourself for any more of his medical treatments. He should be signing. He will be ineligible for your insurance anyway in five years or less. If financial hardship occurs down the line, it will be his, not yours. This, I realize, seems cold and unsympathetic. But there comes a time to draw a line in the sand. This far, no farther. Only you know where that line is in your situation.

(3) Don’t allow former husband to re-open the wounds that led to your divorce. Those wounds may in part lie behind your son’s issues. Likewise with the pastor. Check with Catholic Community Services in your area for available resources besides the parish.

(4) Short term debt trades “territory for time.” Don’t get caught without an escape route. Crowdfunding works only for the short term. Make public only what you are comfortable making public.

You are in our prayers.

Thank you. My job is year-round; I’m not a teacher, I’m a secretary. My position is all but 2 weeks, so I can’t work another job in the summer unless it’s after my real job.

I will definitely attempt to sign him up for Medicaid, though. He should qualify.

 

[Sugabee43]

My advice to you:

(1) Keep the school district job. It is a good job. It makes you happy. You can do the job well. Your happiness and comfort are not worth sacrificing for money! Especially at a stressful time with a sick son! Most school jobs are part time, that’s the nature of the beast. Can you work extra hours? Our district allows employees to put in “extra pay time sheets” for year end work. Does your district offer home tutoring programs for children at risk? Does you district offer evening programs? Both of these are ways to find a few extra dollars now and again. Also, summer school. If you’re like most school employees, you’re on a 9 or 10 month contract with 12 months disbursement. Stick with the sure thing.

(2) Your son is 21. Get his financial independence started. Medicaid. Separate taxes. Part time job, when he is able. Do not sign yourself for any more of his medical treatments. He should be signing. He will be ineligible for your insurance anyway in five years or less. If financial hardship occurs down the line, it will be his, not yours. This, I realize, seems cold and unsympathetic. But there comes a time to draw a line in the sand. This far, no farther. Only you know where that line is in your situation.

(3) Don’t allow former husband to re-open the wounds that led to your divorce. Those wounds may in part lie behind your son’s issues. Likewise with the pastor. Check with Catholic Community Services in your area for available resources besides the parish.

(4) Short term debt trades “territory for time.” Don’t get caught without an escape route. Crowdfunding works only for the short term. Make public only what you are comfortable making public.

You are in our prayers.

Okay, I took this as that you worked part time. I understand now. If you are working full time already, I don’t know that you should be working anymore than that, as you said your son is a sophomore. Yes, you should be home for him, you are right.

Do you have any hobbies or talents that could earn money for you that you can work on at home?

Does your 21 year old go to school or have any kind of job? Or is that not doable now? (You don’t need to answer that here.) Just wondering if perhaps he should be pitching in to help in some way.

My 21 year old is still in rehab. He had a psychotic break over Palm Sunday weekend & had to be sent it a hospital l. He went to one rehab but walked out, paranoid. Got taken to another hospital then agreed to go to a different rehab. Spent 3 weeks there & had another psychotic break. Got taken to another hospital & was there over a weeks. Just got stabilized & is back at the rehab to hopefully stay for addiction therapy and psychological treatment. So he’s unemployed right now. He was working 2 jobs at the time of his first break, but obviously has lost those and really shouldn’t even come back to our town once he’s out of rehab.

I don’t know if any marketable skills or hobbies I have that would pay enough to make it cost efficient. I have a friend checking to see if someone she knows has an opening at their transcription service- where you transcribe dictation at home. I could do that and it wouldn’t involve me working away from home.

 

[Irishmom2]

My 21 year old is still in rehab. He had a psychotic break over Palm Sunday weekend & had to be sent it a hospital l. He went to one rehab but walked out, paranoid. Got taken to another hospital then agreed to go to a different rehab. Spent 3 weeks there & had another psychotic break. Got taken to another hospital & was there over a weeks. Just got stabilized & is back at the rehab to hopefully stay for addiction therapy and psychological treatment. So he’s unemployed right now. He was working 2 jobs at the time of his first break, but obviously has lost those and really shouldn’t even come back to our town once he’s out of rehab.

I don’t know if any marketable skills or hobbies I have that would pay enough to make it cost efficient. I have a friend checking to see if someone she knows has an opening at their transcription service- where you transcribe dictation at home. I could do that and it wouldn’t involve me working away from home.

Sugabee, please start a thread for your son on the prayer intentions forum so we can pray for him.

Transcription at home would be ideal! That is a great skill to be able to do.

 

[Sugabee43]

I will do that right now.

I tell you, if it wasn’t for my faith, I would have gone over the deep end by now. I am TRULY learning how to trust God fully, given the events over the last 5 months. I praise God that He has taken care of me and mine!!

 

[Luvz2travel]

I work 2 jobs to make ends meat. I actually need a third as I’m so in debt from a moneypit house I had and I also had to get another car because my older one gave out. I cut out all cable and don’t have internet or a computer. I sold my bike and kayak to pay off debt. No advice for you but to pray.