Going crazy - faith

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richardmoore81

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Hi all,

I was baptised and received into the church (and baptised in the Holy Spirit) in 2000. So I didn’t grow up as a Catholic, but I’ve been around a little while. I’m now 37.

For the most part I have no issue with the Sacraments or Catholic theology. I love reconciliation, the eucharist, tradition etc. (Back to the topic at hand).

I do struggle with a couple of things but the main one is lack or lowered amount of sense of community within local parishes.

I’m not connected to people in my local parish. People don’t say hi or initiate contact and I’m very nervous/shy to do the same. Everything feels very superficial.

I also belong to a Charismatic Community but experience a similar issue. I don’t make friends easily and have tried to create connections and people often say they will get back to me and don’t.

The few friends I have are interstate and my family is interstate. My young Son is here and the only reason I live here. So I’m grounded here for now.

Any suggestions? What would you do? Have you been/are in a similar position?

Blessings
 
If you have trouble bonding with people across the board (ie church and work and neighborhood), then the problem may be you.
But it’s nothing to be ashamed of and it can be fixed by learning social skills.
It actually may be easier for you because you already have strong bonds in another state, so that shows your skills are just rusty—you’ve probably “forgotten” how to make friends because it’s been so long since you had to.

I think lots of people nowadays have this problem and you’re in good company.

Are you a man or a woman?
How is it that you have a son far away from your roots?
 
Hi 0Scarlett_nidiyilii, thanks for your reply.

I am male. I moved interstate when I was in my 20’s, got married (too early) and got divorced which was very traumatic for me. I moved back home for some support. After a couple of years I moved to be with my Son where I am now.

You are most definitely right about the social skills. It has been speculated I may be on the autism spectrum/aspergers. In saything this, this is unconfirmed and not yet officially diagnosed.
 
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All people are a lot more awkward than we give them credit for if we are too busy assuming we are awkward. You’ll probably need to join a ministry or a class to start knowing people and feeling community.

Think back to high school. You can feel awkwardly alone and adrift until you join a club or team and those become your people quite naturally.
 
Richard, do you volunteer or belong to any groups at your church? I know you say you are shy, but you need to get involved with people. It doesn’t matter if you do or don’t see them socially afterward, while you are there, working together, you are among friends. But often, friendship do deepen over time from the most mundane comittees or groups. If you are shy, it is easy to feel that everyone else has friends and you don’t, you may need to be the one to go outside of your comfort level and change a bit.
 
Shying away from others is a way of eliminating risk, because let’s face it, most people will indeed disappoint you. Yet we are called to interact with and help others. The goal should be to manage risk, not eliminate it. Pray for fortitude then approach someone. God will help.
 
Have you volunteered to help with RE? Joined the Choir? The Knights? The way to make friends is to be involved in social things.
 
richardmoore81 said:
Any suggestions? What would you do? Have you been/are in a similar position?
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First off, it’s not you. When my protestant husband wanted to convert to Catholicism he did not understand why there were no greeters at Catholic parishes, why no one welcomed you or said good morning. It was like they are a bunch of automatons programmed to show up at mass then quickly exit before the next mass starts. We tried half a dozen parishes. He finally found a small Eastern Catholic parish community that was welcoming and more like family.

So maybe try a smaller parish.
 
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richardmoore81 said:
I do struggle with a couple of things but the main one is lack or lowered amount of sense of community within local parishes.
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I wish I had your problem. Honestly, & not trying to make light of your situation. I’ve got poor people skills, trust issues, & low self esteem. But people at this parish I’m at are way too friendly. Always asking me to go on retreats, breakfast in the social hall, assist with various ministries, etc… dont get me wrong, I love the attention. Just dont know what to do with it.

But, I do feel comfortable around people I work with. People I’ve taken time to “get to know” because I had to.

So for you I second what was already mentioned. Join a ministry. Choir, greeter, lecture, catechist. Do something where you can get to know some of them over time… prayer group, bible study.
 
There should be greeters at the door as you enter the parish. But you shouldn’t expect parishioners around you to want to socialize before or after Mass.

There is a time and a place for socializing. That usually happens when people gather after Mass for coffee and refreshments. Or it happens outside after Mass.

The only other way I know of apart from that is to become active in parish activities where you will have the opportunity to get to know your fellow parishioners.
 
Yes this has been a problem but we are working on it. maybe talk to father and offer to become a greeter at church. Kill 2 birds one stone get you out of your she’ll a little and make othes like yourself feel welcome. Trust me do this you be the first to help with change.
 
Sorry meant get out of your shell hate how tablet types for me at times
 
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