Going into confession with a list?

[lutheran_farmer]

LOL! I see I am not alone.

 

[Brigid34]

LOL! I see I am not alone.

Not alone at all. I also need to use a list that I throw away right after (I live alone so no one is likely to see the list but me). The only problem I’ve ever had was when it was too dark in the confessional to see (only happen once). I freeze up in the confessional, so a list is definitely needed.

 

[twopekinguys]

I am glad to see that bringing a list is allowed. I was baptized in my first year in college and I’m in RCIA working towards that first confession.

Since baptism, I have had three years in college, nine years in the military (I was a sailor!), and seven years of married life (tame, by comparison). Yeah, I’m going to NEED that list!

How many hours does a priest work in a day? I know they don’t get overtime…

When I went through RCIA, we all made our confession at a communal penance service during Lent.

I joked around with everyone that I was going to go last because I was going to tie the priest up for a while, and I didn’t want anyone to miss work the next morning.

Like you, I had college, Air Force, Marriage, and a few other things to cover…LOL

That priest retired not to long after that. Hmmm coincidence?

 

[lutheran_farmer]

LOL! Air Force? The stories I have heard… Hmm, yeah you might have been responsible.

Did I mention a visit to Amsterdam during my Navy career? I think I needed about a gallon of brain bleach after that port visit. It doesn’t help that I loved playing jokes on my shipmates. Let’s just say I had some good ‘ammo’ after leaving that port. BTW, is your penance any less if the priest laughs?

 

[ajecphotos]

I always write a list. I then destroy it afterwards.

 

[BunnyLover]

If you have a smartphone there are confession apps available that are very helpful. I use the app “Mea Culpa”. It has a very through Examen and breaks sins into categories of venial/ mortal, lets you make a list of your sins, and tracks the date of your last confession. And it is password protected for your privacy.

Is that for real??? It sounds like something someone came up with to make fun of Catholics.

I suppose it isn’t wrong to have a list. But I admit to me it doesn’t sound helpful, either. When I confess I don’t list everything I did, I talk about my attitudes and weaknesses. Sins that get repeated. What failing of mine is leading to my sins? My most meaningful experiences with the sacrament were as a result of this. I haven’t done it list style since I was a child. Luckily, you can try it without a list one day to see if you like the list better. You can try it until you figure out how you get the most out of it.

Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m confused as to how you go about this. How do you function if you are keeping track of each little thing you do wrong? My background is in therapy and this is something that very unhappy people do, and it’s a not a fun process to fix it. These are people who are missing out on their lives feeling miserable and sorry for themselves. God doesn’t want that, which is why the sacrament is available. I understand if there were some big things you knew you had to atone for but every time you forget to hold a door open, drop a piece of garbage, roll your eyes, little things like that as well?
I’m sorry if I am completely missing what you meant!

 

[pensmama87]

Is that for real??? It sounds like something someone came up with to make fun of Catholics.

I suppose it isn’t wrong to have a list. But I admit to me it doesn’t sound helpful, either. When I confess I don’t list everything I did, I talk about my attitudes and weaknesses. Sins that get repeated. What failing of mine is leading to my sins? My most meaningful experiences with the sacrament were as a result of this. I haven’t done it list style since I was a child. Luckily, you can try it without a list one day to see if you like the list better. You can try it until you figure out how you get the most out of it.

Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m confused as to how you go about this. How do you function if you are keeping track of each little thing you do wrong? My background is in therapy and this is something that very unhappy people do, and it’s a not a fun process to fix it. These are people who are missing out on their lives feeling miserable and sorry for themselves. God doesn’t want that, which is why the sacrament is available. I understand if there were some big things you knew you had to atone for but every time you forget to hold a door open, drop a piece of garbage, roll your eyes, little things like that as well?
I’m sorry if I am completely missing what you meant!

Part of the issue is that every mortal sin must be named in confession along with the number of times it was committed (an approximation is OK if you’re not sure.) So for a person struggling with a particular mortal sin, it can be very, very helpful to have the list so that nothing is accidentally left out. If a sin is accidentally left out, the confession is still valid, but the person is required to return to confess the missed one.

An earlier poster mentioned “freezing up” - I do that too sometimes, especially if I’m confessing in an unfamiliar church or with a different priest. I don’t always just read the list, but having one helps me if my mind just suddenly goes blank. It’s been known to do that even after I rehearse in my head in the line outside.

And even though my list involves venial sins, you can bet that I am nowhere near close to including every little thing I do wrong! Far from it.

(I’m also confused about you saying that keeping track of wrongdoing is something unhappy people do. I could see that, but I also know that it’s a fundamental aspect of every 12-step program and it’s incredibly freeing. When I entered program I was actually really delighted by how much value they put on that type of work. Felt very natural and Catholic to me. )

 

[Tous_Logous]

I’m one of those people who writes my sins down on a sheet of paper. I am just that way; I’m scientific and I need to write EVERYTHING down. I’m horrible at speaking from memory. Writing my sins down also helps me realize the seriousness of the sins I’ve committed. It is the best way for me to remember what sins I’ve committed; with a list you can write all the sins you’ve done and don’t need to worry about forgetting which ones you have committed.

So I would say, no it is not wrong to do. Just make sure no one sees the list you’ve made. Usually what I do is, the day before I go to Confession (or even the same day), I write the list down of sins I’ve committed. That way you’re not writing a list weeks in advance and have it “unofficially” discovered by family members or forgotten.

When I’m done with confessing my sins I just rip the tiny list into very tiny pieces or you could set it on fire if you’re that serious about completely eradicating it (though make sure you set it on fire in a safe, fireproof place, or just burn it in a fireplace).

I’ve also never had a single priest reprimand me for writing my sins down on a piece of paper.

 

[ccmcmg]

Is that for real??? It sounds like something someone came up with to make fun of Catholics.

I suppose it isn’t wrong to have a list. But I admit to me it doesn’t sound helpful, either. When I confess I don’t list everything I did, I talk about my attitudes and weaknesses. Sins that get repeated. What failing of mine is leading to my sins? My most meaningful experiences with the sacrament were as a result of this. I haven’t done it list style since I was a child. Luckily, you can try it without a list one day to see if you like the list better. You can try it until you figure out how you get the most out of it.

Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m confused as to how you go about this. How do you function if you are keeping track of each little thing you do wrong? My background is in therapy and this is something that very unhappy people do, and it’s a not a fun process to fix it. These are people who are missing out on their lives feeling miserable and sorry for themselves. God doesn’t want that, which is why the sacrament is available. I understand if there were some big things you knew you had to atone for but every time you forget to hold a door open, drop a piece of garbage, roll your eyes, little things like that as well?
I’m sorry if I am completely missing what you meant!

God keeps track of every little thing I do wrong. The least I can do is ask forgiveness for my sins! As noted below, we are urged to confess even our venial sins. These apps aren’t to make fun of Catholics at all. Many, many people find them very helpful in making GOOD confessions. It is very helpful to many of us. How you perform your confessions is between you and your priest and God. I confess my sins as I have remembered them. The Laudate app is helpful with that for me. No one else has to use it if they don’t want to.

I am actually HAPPIER when I know I’ve confessed my sins to the fullest of my ability, even when using an app. I don’t keep an ongoing list, but do an examination of conscience before the Sacrament. I also try to ask God nightly for forgiveness for my sins.

From the Catechism of the Catholic Church:

The confession of sins

1455 The confession (or disclosure) of sins, even from a simply human point of view, frees us and facilitates our reconciliation with others. Through such an admission man looks squarely at the sins he is guilty of, takes responsibility for them, and thereby opens himself again to God and to the communion of the Church in order to make a new future possible.

1456 Confession to a priest is an essential part of the sacrament of Penance: "All mortal sins of which penitents after a diligent self-examination are conscious must be recounted by them in confession, even if they are most secret and have been committed against the last two precepts of the Decalogue; for these sins sometimes wound the soul more grievously and are more dangerous than those which are committed openly."54

When Christ’s faithful strive to confess all the sins that they can remember, they undoubtedly place all of them before the divine mercy for pardon. But those who fail to do so and knowingly withhold some, place nothing before the divine goodness for remission through the mediation of the priest, "for if the sick person is too ashamed to show his wound to the doctor, the medicine cannot heal what it does not know."55

1457 According to the Church’s command, "after having attained the age of discretion, each of the faithful is bound by an obligation faithfully to confess serious sins at least once a year."56 Anyone who is aware of having committed a mortal sin must not receive Holy Communion, even if he experiences deep contrition, without having first received sacramental absolution, unless he has a grave reason for receiving Communion and there is no possibility of going to confession.57 Children must go to the sacrament of Penance before receiving Holy Communion for the first time.58

1458 Without being strictly necessary, confession of everyday faults (venial sins) is nevertheless strongly recommended by the Church.59 Indeed the regular confession of our venial sins helps us form our conscience, fight against evil tendencies, let ourselves be healed by Christ and progress in the life of the Spirit. By receiving more frequently through this sacrament the gift of the Father’s mercy, we are spurred to be merciful as he is merciful:60

Whoever confesses his sins . . . is already working with God. God indicts your sins; if you also indict them, you are joined with God. Man and sinner are, so to speak, two realities: when you hear “man” - this is what God has made; when you hear “sinner” - this is what man himself has made. Destroy what you have made, so that God may save what he has made. . . . When you begin to abhor what you have made, it is then that your good works are beginning, since you are accusing yourself of your evil works. The beginning of good works is the confession of evil works. You do the truth and come to the light.61

 

[Mary_Ellen]

Is that for real??? It sounds like something someone came up with to make fun of Catholics.

I suppose it isn’t wrong to have a list. But I admit to me it doesn’t sound helpful, either. When I confess I don’t list everything I did, I talk about my attitudes and weaknesses. Sins that get repeated. What failing of mine is leading to my sins? My most meaningful experiences with the sacrament were as a result of this. I haven’t done it list style since I was a child. Luckily, you can try it without a list one day to see if you like the list better. You can try it until you figure out how you get the most out of it.

Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m confused as to how you go about this. How do you function if you are keeping track of each little thing you do wrong? My background is in therapy and this is something that very unhappy people do, and it’s a not a fun process to fix it. These are people who are missing out on their lives feeling miserable and sorry for themselves. God doesn’t want that, which is why the sacrament is available. I understand if there were some big things you knew you had to atone for but every time you forget to hold a door open, drop a piece of garbage, roll your eyes, little things like that as well?
I’m sorry if I am completely missing what you meant!

St. Frances de Sales recommends we be as specific as possible in our confessions and not just confess generalities. For example, he encourages us not to confess in general terms such as we didn’t love God or our neighbor enough, or pray devoutly enough, since “Such things as these are altogether useless in setting the state of your conscience before your Confessor, inasmuch as all the Saints in Paradise and all men living would say the same.” (Introduction to the Devout Life, Part II, Chapter 19, catholicity.com/devoutlife/2-19.html). By confessing frequently and specifically we can really get at what we are doing wrong, feel true contrition for those sins, and truly work with God to amend our ways. St. Francis goes on to say that so often you should show your confessor your general inclinations but for regular (for St. Francis, that meant weekly) confessions stick to the specifics.

Truly forgetting to hold a door open is not a sin but having the habit of not holding doors open when it can easily be done is habitually neglecting a small act of charity but may not be a sin, littering certainly is showing little respect for God’s creation and the well-being of others, and rolling your eyes shows your pride, contempt, or anger towards another.

I don’t keep track of every little mistake I make along the journey but I do look over my day and reflect on those things that I could have done better. Weekly I examine my conscience in preparation for Confession and write a list of those things I remember having done wrong. Though it’s easier to confess generalities like attitudes and weaknesses - I was prideful, I was angry - accusing myself of specifics - I was prideful in being disappointed when someone else was chosen to sing the Psalm on Sunday when I think I do a better job - helps me really get to the point of what I need to change in my life. It doesn’t mean I’m missing out on life feeling sorry for myself or being especially miserable. It means I’m carefully examining what I have done wrong, where I have been uncharitable towards God or my neighbor or what I allowed to come between me and my regular prayer time and taking an honest account of myself so that I can have a firm purpose of amendment and change my ways.

 

[Contarini]

some people recommend it, altough i would suggest you write it in code, so if you lose it nobody can know what your sins are.

There’s a great plot twist in Dorothy Sayers’ Unnatural Death which hinges on a devout Anglo-Catholic lady picking up such a list and having a crisis of conscience about whether she should use it to solve a murder. . . .

 

[kylemoreland]

Welcome back to the church! I’d try to go to confession more often-maybe try once every couple of weeks. It’s such a vital and underutilized sacrament. Bringing a list is fine, like others have said. I’m sure father has seen much crazier things in the confessional!

 

[Alma]

The list is a great idea.

1. Writing it helps you examin your consciense and remember what you have done wrong. 2. Reading it help you be right to the point during Confesison. Tell it as it is, not waste time and not leave out something and later regret it.
2. Destroying it after Confession gives you a sense of freedom, of relief, breaking it into pieces and throwing the pieces in the waste basket makes you feel you are freed from all those sins, you are up for a fresh start frome cero.

Butaperson: yu say you keep the list in case you have to ‘reconfess’ your sins.
But once you have confessed a sin and it has been forgiven, you do not need to confess that sin again!
And it is also not recommendable to keep the list thinking: ‘I am going to need it because I will keep on commiting the same sins anyway’.
One must have the purpose of not commiting those sins again, it is a necesary condition for a valid Confession.