Going shopping as a birthday party?

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My 11 year old daughter was recently invited to a friend’s birthday party. The “party” involved a group of about 7 of them going to a local shopping centre to shop. They were each to be given $20 by the birthday girls’ parents. The birthday girls’ Mom was going to be in the vicinity all the time and will be meeting up with them every 40 minutes.

My wife and I decided not to let our daughter go. First of all there is the safety aspect. It is a beautiful shopping centre but there have been incidents with children and predators before.

But to me I have an issue with the idea that one goes and spends money just for the sake of spending it without there actually being a need to purchase anything. I find it a bit of a consumerist approach and am uncomfortable with it. To me there are better ways for young girls to socialise.

Comments?
 
Forgot to mention the shopping spree was to be 4 hours long.

Am interested to hear what other parents (or anyone for that matter) think about this.
 
Bo-o-o-o-o-oring.

But, they’re young and its just shopping and just one party–hopefully, not a trend. Maybe some happy memories can be made.

They could make a birthday game of it and all put their names and sizes and favorite colors on a slip of paper, throw them in a hat, then draw names. The girls would need to shop for the one they drew the name of (without letting on whose name they drew). Of course they should get gift receipts, so exchanges could be made.

Another idea would be for the girls to go shopping for a cause. Homeless shelter…kids clothes for foster kids programs, etc…baby things for a pregnancy center.

Both of these ideas take away from the me-me-me aspect.
 
It sounds to me like the parents are just trying to be creative. I don’t hate the idea. I might even borrow it. Let’s face it. 11 year old girls love to shop. Why not make a party out of it?

Preteens have been “mall rats” well before I was a kid myself. I really don’t see anything wrong with it.
 
I don’t really get what the problem is. There is nothing inherently wrong with shopping for things you don’t need, but want, if you can afford it. This is a rather normal thing for young girls to do- hang out around the mall. Even when she is older, is she never going to be allowed to buy something she doesn’t need? Does she ever get birthday or Christmas presents that are not necessities? It sounds extreme to me.

It sounds like the girl’s parents have a plan to keep track of the girls. If she were my daughter, I think I would feel comfortable letting her go to the party, provided that she did not use the money to buy anything I saw as inappropriate. She will be with a large group of girls, and a parent will be around and meeting up with them frequently.

My parents were rather strict, but I was at least allowed to go shopping with my friends. It was fun. It’s what a lot of girls like to do. 🤷
 
Most birthday parties are spending money just for the sake of spending money, if you think about it. We’ve done bowling, kids museums, build a bear, parties at our house etc. One year we did an Oktoberfest and it cost us quite a bit more than $20 per child :o When my friends and I were turning 12, an afternoon at the mall would have been ideal!! Seems like a good way to let them have fun without actually doing something, like a pedicure or such, that would involve hands on work. Perhaps you can also be at the mall?
 
I can see worrying about predators in general, I would personally feel more comfortable at the age if a mom was with them, instead of checking in every 40 minutes. My daughter is 9, she’s gone on lots of class trips, and I’ve never been a chaperone (I have a younger child)

I’m not sure I agree with you regarding the party in general. It probably was what the girl wanted (an afternoon shopping with her friends). The parents seem to be very generous in giving each girl 20 dollars to shop with.

I think it would have been a learning experience (how to shop, pay the cashier, get correct change, budget the 20 dollars) I can’t imagine that a growing girl would not need absolutely anything in a mall. (I could imagine that last year’s summer clothing might not fit anymore, or her shoes from last year.)

I remember being 13 and being allowed to go shopping with my friends. We lived in an inner city, so it wasn’t a mall, but various shops, and I remember a Woolworth’s.

It was nice to be trusted with a few dollars and the ability to make decisions (do I want the lip gloss or the magazine). I remember a little shop that was owned by the nicest woman. It was a store that sold lady things, such as purses, gloves, costume jewelry, some lingerie, stockings. I remember her treating me so nicely when I picked out some earrings to match a dress. She didn’t treat me as a little girl, she treated me as a lady. 30 something years later, I remember that experience fondly.
 
I am one of those parents who is relieved to find that rare party that does not send home a “gift bag” with the guests. At least with the shopping idea, the stuff the daughter brought home might be something she wanted, I suppose.

Having said that, I would agree that spending money as a form of entertainment is not something I could get behind. Spending $20 a head on “the gift bag” is a bit over the top! How is the guest of honor supposed to see to her guests in this situation? It is practically inevitable that entertaining guests will cost some money, but IMHO it would be good if the practice of giving gifts to the guests at birthday parties could be abandoned forever in favor of the guests at a birthday celebration simply enjoying themselves together.
 
Mary_Gail_36 said:
I can see worrying about predators in general, I would personally feel more comfortable at the age if a mom was with them, instead of checking in every 40 minutes…

I remember being 13 and being allowed to go shopping with my friends. We lived in an inner city, so it wasn’t a mall, but various shops, and I remember a Woolworth’s.

It was nice to be trusted with a few dollars and the ability to make decisions (do I want the lip gloss or the magazine). I remember a little shop that was owned by the nicest woman. It was a store that sold lady things, such as purses, gloves, costume jewelry, some lingerie, stockings. I remember her treating me so nicely when I picked out some earrings to match a dress. She didn’t treat me as a little girl, she treated me as a lady. 30 something years later, I remember that experience fondly.
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I would also agree that 11 is too young to be let loose in a mall without direct supervision at all times. It isn’t just the issue of predators. It is the issue of using the staff at a store to supervise your children. As the saying goes, “One kid: one brain. Two kids: half of a brain. More than two kids: No brain at all.” Heaven forbid that this idea catch on generally. I think the people working in retail at malls would agree with me on that one.
 
I think the shopping idea is fine - the parents are just choosing to give each girl $20 instead of renting a bounce house, going to an indoor play area, etc. It is their budget for their party, so whatever. Girls love shopping and it really is okay to sometimes buy something you like but don’t need.

I would also feel more comfortable if a couple of moms went and shadowed each group of girls. She wouldn’t need to be RIGHT THERE, but sort of trailing behind as a safety net.
 
Spending $20 on something you don’t “need” is consumerism? You don’t spend $20 on something you don’t “need” every now and then? $20 is not much at all, the girls could probably each buy 1 pair of shoes or 1 top or something like that. Does not seem crazy to me at all. If anything, I’d be wondering how anyone can spend 4 hours in a mall with only $20…lol.

What if it was a bowling party or going to the movies, etc.? That would also cost around $20 or so and it’s not something they “need” either. Would you be OK with those parties? Can you name a party you would be OK with?

Heck, what about birthday gifts? Do you only give people a gift that they “need”? What, here’s 10 cans of baked beans, happy birthday?

The concerns about having them somewhat unsupervised seem more justified. But other than that, lighten up a bit and let the kid have a little fun every now and then.
 
VeritasLuxMea said:
If anything, I’d be wondering how anyone can spend 4 hours in a mall with only $20…lol.
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LOL truly!

I would let my daughter go if myself, the mom, or another adult was shadowing the group. I wouldn’t leave an 11 year old unsupervised for 40 minute stretches but that’s just me. But maybe these are just super responsible 11 year olds.🤷 I personally don’t see anything wrong with girls spending time together shopping. I have spent afternoons shopping with my adult friends. Most of those times we didn’t need anything, it was really just to socialize. I realize there are other ways to socialize - at the park, at the zoo, over lunch etc. but if this is the place the birthday girl really wanted to go, well, I’m sure her mom is just trying to make the day into what her daughter wants.
 
Eugene said:
My 11 year old daughter was recently invited to a friend’s birthday party. The “party” involved a group of about 7 of them going to a local shopping centre to shop. They were each to be given $20 by the birthday girls’ parents. The birthday girls’ Mom was going to be in the vicinity all the time and will be meeting up with them every 40 minutes.

My wife and I decided not to let our daughter go. First of all there is the safety aspect. It is a beautiful shopping centre but there have been incidents with children and predators before.

But to me I have an issue with the idea that one goes and spends money just for the sake of spending it without there actually being a need to purchase anything. I find it a bit of a consumerist approach and am uncomfortable with it. To me there are better ways for young girls to socialise.

Comments?
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I also want to point out that birthday parties aren’t just about socializing, they are a celebration. Have you ever spent money on a celebration? Maybe bought a round of drinks for friends, thrown a party in your home? Birthday parties are supposed to be a little frivolous and fun. It’s not a service project, after all.

If people only ever made necessary purchases, lots of people would be out of work.
 
Eugene said:
My 11 year old daughter was recently invited to a friend’s birthday party. The “party” involved a group of about 7 of them going to a local shopping centre to shop. They were each to be given $20 by the birthday girls’ parents. The birthday girls’ Mom was going to be in the vicinity all the time and will be meeting up with them every 40 minutes.

My wife and I decided not to let our daughter go. First of all there is the safety aspect. It is a beautiful shopping centre but there have been incidents with children and predators before.

But to me I have an issue with the idea that one goes and spends money just for the sake of spending it without there actually being a need to purchase anything. I find it a bit of a consumerist approach and am uncomfortable with it. To me there are better ways for young girls to socialise.

Comments?
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If you reasonably feel as if your daughter isn’t going to be safe, you have every right not to have your daughter attend this event.

The girls’ parents are spending $140 on this birthday, plus gas, etc. They could easily spend twice, three times this amount on a party with entertainment, cake, decorations, refreshments, etc. Pus, there’s no setup or cleanup or any heavy-duty logistics involved. Maybe it’s a convenience thing for the parents.
 
I would let my daughter go to such a party. It sounds fun.

I went shopping with girls at the mall when I was young, too. We went to places like Claire’s or Topkapi, which sold hair ornaments or earrings and such.

Parents have done Bear Factory parties, too, where each child gets to construct a teddy bear and pick out an outfit. It is fun for younger kids.

I think it is generous that the parents will provide a little money for each girl to participate. And if they will be supervised, I don’t really see the problem?🤷

It gives them a chance to have fun in a way that acknowledges that they are not little girls, but are older and enjoy different things. Plus, what child doesn’t want to mimic their parents? And what do they see their parents do that is also enjoyable? Shopping!🙂
 
VeritasLuxMea said:
Spending $20 on something you don’t “need” is consumerism? You don’t spend $20 on something you don’t “need” every now and then? $20 is not much at all, the girls could probably each buy 1 pair of shoes or 1 top or something like that. Does not seem crazy to me at all. If anything, I’d be wondering how anyone can spend 4 hours in a mall with only $20…lol.

What if it was a bowling party or going to the movies, etc.? That would also cost around $20 or so and it’s not something they “need” either. Would you be OK with those parties? Can you name a party you would be OK with?

Heck, what about birthday gifts? Do you only give people a gift that they “need”? What, here’s 10 cans of baked beans, happy birthday?

The concerns about having them somewhat unsupervised seem more justified. But other than that, lighten up a bit and let the kid have a little fun every now and then.
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I was wondering how someone could possibly want to spend 4 hours shopping in a mall at all, even with a credit card, so maybe I’m the wrong one to ask! 😛 😃

We have Powell’s City of Books here in Portland, and I’m not even sure I could spend 4 hours in there. Four* hours?* A bookstore is heaven to me, and I’d still be ready to fall over.

Oh, and four hours with six other women, and we each only have $20? Oh, we’d be trouble before our time was up. Anybody could see that coming! We’d be laughing until we were crying and wetting ourselves, probably, but we couldn’t go back to those stores again for a long time. :rolleyes: 😃
 
To me there is a difference in going to a mall just for the sake of spending money and spending money on gifts, or birthday outings such as visiting theme parks, going to the movies, etc.

Going to a mall to spend money for no other purpose than just to go shopping to me equates to spending money being an end in itself. On the other hand spending money on a gift or paying for party stuff or for the kids to go to the movies does not equate to the money spending being an end in itself but it is a means to an end.

The question is thus - is spending money as an ends in itself moral? Is it right?

And please don’t judge me on this. As a parent I know I am still learning and will be learning till the day I die. I like to consider different viewpoints and ponder on what is shared.

Thanks.
 
All I can say is one of our daughter’s is 11 tomorrow and this would be her idea of an ideal birthday party! She hardly ever goes to the mall and hardly ever with friends. The whole point is that it’s a treat - not something that happens everyday. I agree 4 hours seems too long - that money will be burning a hole in their pockets and gone in 90 minutes, tops. I would not be leaving them unsupervised though, my husband would never agree to it for a start.
 
Eugene said:
My 11 year old daughter was recently invited to a friend’s birthday party. The “party” involved a group of about 7 of them going to a local shopping centre to shop. They were each to be given $20 by the birthday girls’ parents. The birthday girls’ Mom was going to be in the vicinity all the time and will be meeting up with them every 40 minutes.

My wife and I decided not to let our daughter go. First of all there is the safety aspect. It is a beautiful shopping centre but there have been incidents with children and predators before.

But to me I have an issue with the idea that one goes and spends money just for the sake of spending it without there actually being a need to purchase anything. I find it a bit of a consumerist approach and am uncomfortable with it. To me there are better ways for young girls to socialise.

Comments?
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I see so much that could go wrong with this in so many ways 😦

The one thing I wouldn’t worry about is the child predator issue - simply because I’d feel a group that large isn’t likely to be a target - but I could be wrong and respect your take on the matter.

On the other hand - a group of girls that large on the loose having a “party” at the mall - uh-huh. Someone is going to dare someone to do something - and all the possible trouble that comes from it. Also I don’t like the idea of peer pressure shopping AT ALL. Going out with one or two friends (supervised much more closely than a 40 minute check-in at that age) is different. Can’t believe you’re going to find 7 girls who all will think and act maturely while using their money wisely and independently - respecting each others choices in color/style/etc. Lots of pressure there to get this or that because the leader(s) of the group think it’s cool. Lots of potential for shunning if someone disagrees.

I just don’t like that message - not that it’s wrong to shop and have fun, but that it’s not up to the individual to decided yea or nay, but that “group think” should determine the purchase - and in this situation I can’t see how it wouldn’t.

Not to mention, as someone who works retail, even mature 11 yr olds are not ready to be left alone in a store. They are kids - they forget to put things back, they knock things down and forget to pick them up, they disrupt other shoppers unintentionally, they leave gum/candy/trash behind, they break things inadvertently. Not every child, not every group of children, not every time, but it does happen - and thus the need for adult supervision to remind them of their manners.

And if one child in the group is an actual trouble maker … inappropriate photos taken via cell phone, minor shoplifting, etc could actually enter the mix.

Nope - if it was one of my daughters it would not be happening in this format. (Several times over the years, I have had my birthday child pick out one or two friends, go shopping at a few stores followed by a meal out and we had a great time - needless to say I was with them the whole way.)
 
Eugene said:
The question is thus - is spending money as an ends in itself moral? Is it right?
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Have you ever spent money on yourself for something you didn’t absolutely need? Gone out to a restaurant instead of eating at home? Gone out for ice cream with your kids? Bought a new TV? Bought your wife roses?

As long as your family is taken care of and you tithe, there is nothing morally wrong with going to a mall, looking around, and choosing to buy something that isn’t an absolute necessity. Maybe your daughter would like a new hair accessory, or a soccer ball, a game, or a necklace or some cute shoes. It’s not materialistic to buy something like this every now and then, especially if we have a limited budget and have to choose what we want wisely. Twenty dollars is not going to get her much in a mall. She is your daughter, you are the parent, and it seems that you have already decided not to let your daughter go. If it was just the safety aspect, you know your area better than any of us does. In my area, it would be fine, but it might not be in yours. But the shopping part- there is really nothing wrong with that. Four hours does seem like a long time, but maybe they are going out to a restaurant for part of that time. I would think carefully about whether this was a hill you want to die on, because going to the mall is a fairly normal teenage activity- there are so many worse things to be doing.

As a note, my husband is a penny-pincher. He hates spending money on anything that is not necessary. I like to shop, but because of his preferences and our money situation I rarely buy anything just because. But, if we ever have extra money, he encourages me to buy myself something nice- a new outfit, a book, some makeup, nails done. He might not buy things for himself a lot, but he understands that sometimes it is just nice to purchase something out of the ordinary. It’s really not wrong.
 
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