B
Bdonoho
Guest
I have been stable for five days until yesterday. I asked a Monk visiting our parish what order he was from and after he answered he asked “why don’t you join us” And followed it with"what are you doing with uour life". I stammered for a few minutes and when I told him I wasn’t a catholic yet he said he was sorry for shocking me.
I’ve been really unstable since then. I resented having such a huge thing being asked of me straight out of nowhere. Since that time I’ve been struggling with all the horrible emotions and feelings of anger, pride, resentment and wrath. I keep thinking that this is somehow God’s fault that I fell into sin, but I know that isn’t true. I just can’t keep a handle on myself mentally and its unbearable because it seems like when this does happen there is nothing I can do to get out of it.
I really think a devil is attacking me right now. I know I have mental illness but I can just sense the presence of another intelligence trying to get me wound up. I am trying to have contrition for my pride, self pity and desire to keep records of imagined ways God has hurt me. It’s this really dark kind of victimization that is really hard to repent of.
I’ve been really unstable since then. I resented having such a huge thing being asked of me straight out of nowhere. Since that time I’ve been struggling with all the horrible emotions and feelings of anger, pride, resentment and wrath. I keep thinking that this is somehow God’s fault that I fell into sin, but I know that isn’t true. I just can’t keep a handle on myself mentally and its unbearable because it seems like when this does happen there is nothing I can do to get out of it.
I really think a devil is attacking me right now. I know I have mental illness but I can just sense the presence of another intelligence trying to get me wound up. I am trying to have contrition for my pride, self pity and desire to keep records of imagined ways God has hurt me. It’s this really dark kind of victimization that is really hard to repent of.