Does anyone feel that they are just going through the motions of faith? I am a middle aged Catholic educated male with a family and lead a good/moral life but I struggle with my faith more and more.
I am a active 3rd Degree Knight of Columbus, I regularly attend mass, have had all the sacraments that one would expect at my age, have read everything by Scott Haan and Fr. Larry Richards and others, and I still have doubts.
I am so blessed. I have a beautiful family, a good job, good friends, I always say “I have more than I deserve.” I always give back by donating my time, money, and skills to worthy causes and I still feel no Godly presence.
I defend the church at the drop of a hat but in those dark hours I still struggle. I don’t want to be phoney. Does anyone else feel like this? If so, how do you cope with it? Thanks.
Yes, I feel like this. I’m a 57-year-old woman who has been a Christian since I was a small girl in the Evangelical Protestant churches, and converted to Catholicism in 2004. I struggle. I cling to Jesus and His Church purely through faith, as I very seldom have emotional experiences with religion anymore. A lot of the practices that used to thrill me have become quite routine now and in my darkest moments, I wonder if it’s all an illusion. But I keep clinging through sheer faith.
I think it’s a middle-aged thing.
We are at a point in our lives where we are closer to death than birth, and this is daunting. All of that “theology” about eternity, heaven and hell, purgatory, judgment, resurrection, is no longer just a discussion point in a Bible study class, but it’s getting closer and more real every day.
I don’t know about you, but almost all of my friends have lost their parents to death, or the parents have moved into a nursing home and are near death. This is so very sad, because I have so many memories of sleepovers at my friends’ houses where their parents were vital and lively people who helped make life fun for their children and friends. Now they’re gone, and we’re the old folks.
In fact, my friends are starting to die, too. So many have been diagnosed with cancer, diabetes, or heart diseases. Even the prettiest girls in my high school graduating class are showing their age; many are completely gray with wrinkles. Most of us have gained weight, and the ones who haven’t gained weight look fragile, as though their bones would break if they ran around the school track again.
Many of us have infirmities now. I have such bad osteoarthritis in one knee that I spent much of last night awake and in pain. I should have the knee replaced, but I keep stalling. I’m only 57!
Most of us have empty nests. Our children are grown and gone, and although I am still in contact with them daily through email, I am no longer involved in their daily lives. The house is very quiet.
Yes, we’re all very busy. Most of us don’t spend our days sitting in a rocking chair next to our rotary phones waiting for our children to call us. We have all kinds of hobbies and interests that fill our hours. Unfortunately, much of my focus is trying to pay off all the debts that I have incurred throughout my younger years, and save something for my old age. I doubt I will retire, because I didn’t get a “pension” like my father did, and we have high taxes and school debts (for our children) that make it almost impossible to save anything. We earn a comfortable wage, but we like to spend it visiting our grown children and doing things with them while we still can.
And as if all this wasn’t enough to challenge our religion, we have the knowledge that all those things on our bucket list probably will never happen. It’s tough to face this reality. We really meant to write that novel (I have!), take music lessons and join a band, hike the Appalachian Trail (I can barely walk from the driveway into my house), travel around the world or even around the U.S., become a gourmet cook, re-decorate our house (no money), go to the Olympics to watch the figure skating…
None of this will happen, and that makes me sad. Yes, I’m happy with all the blessings I do have, but it’s hard to accept. Where did the time go?
And finally, there is the knowledge that we are still far away from knowing Jesus in the personal way that so many saints have known Him. I still feel like a very young child in my faith journey. I feel that I ought to be further along, have less sin in my life and more love, give more money and time to the work of the Lord, spend much more time in prayer, be more knowledgeable about the Bible and the Catechism, etc.
So it’s no wonder that our faith often seems like going through the motions. We are trying to get through a very difficult time in our lives. My husband expresses it like this: All the big “milestones” are over. We’ve gotten married, had our babies, raised our children, seen them go to prom and graduate from high school, college, and grad school…not much is left to get excited over.
I’m not sure I entirely agree with him, but I understand what he’s saying. Neither of us are thrilled about becoming grandparents someday–that will just emphasize that we are getting older.
If this doesn’t apply to you, OP, then I apologize for wasting your time. But I’m guessing that it will ring a bell with others who are reading.
I say, Just keep the faith. Don’t give up.
