Going to communion with a mortal sin on conscience

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CatholicMom1907

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My husband and I are currently separated and I’m grateful that eventhough he doesn’t strongly believe and practice the Catholic faith, he takes my daughter to church on weekends that he has her. Unfortunately, I believe he became Catholic to please me before he proposed marriage and not because he understands it, accepts it or wants to learn how to practice it. So now, that we are separated as a result of his adultery and not being honest within our marriage, I don’t know how to tell him that he shouldn’t go up to communion with this mortal sin on his conscience until he goes to confession. Initially, I tried to tell him about forgiving himself and going to confession to receive the graces of God’s forgiveness, but he just ignored what I said and I’m 99% sure he hasn’t been to confession since his affair and has never been.

I am trying to reconcile with him and forgive him and show him God’s love. I’m just not sure how to tell this to him without appearing judgemental or scare him away completely since he has a lot of emotional issues going on - and like I said I’m grateful he’s taking my daughter to church.

I don’t want to tip toe around my faith and I’m realizing more and more that this is a grave ill to go to communion with a mortal sin on your conscience but I’m also trying to show him God’s love for him, forgiveness and acceptance. Does anyone have any similar experience and how were you able to overcome? I will pray about it but I am feeling that I need to act on what God is bringing to me about this being offensive to God. Can I ask for your prayers with our marriage and growing closer to God together and how to respond appropriately?
 
CatholicMom1907 said:
My husband and I are currently separated and I’m grateful that eventhough he doesn’t strongly believe and practice the Catholic faith, he takes my daughter to church on weekends that he has her. Unfortunately, I believe he became Catholic to please me before he proposed marriage and not because he understands it, accepts it or wants to learn how to practice it. So now, that we are separated as a result of his adultery and not being honest within our marriage, I don’t know how to tell him that he shouldn’t go up to communion with this mortal sin on his conscience until he goes to confession. Initially, I tried to tell him about forgiving himself and going to confession to receive the graces of God’s forgiveness, but he just ignored what I said and I’m 99% sure he hasn’t been to confession since his affair and has never been.

I am trying to reconcile with him and forgive him and show him God’s love. I’m just not sure how to tell this to him without appearing judgemental or scare him away completely since he has a lot of emotional issues going on - and like I said I’m grateful he’s taking my daughter to church.

I don’t want to tip toe around my faith and I’m realizing more and more that this is a grave ill to go to communion with a mortal sin on your conscience but I’m also trying to show him God’s love for him, forgiveness and acceptance. Does anyone have any similar experience and how were you able to overcome? I will pray about it but I am feeling that I need to act on what God is bringing to me about this being offensive to God. Can I ask for your prayers with our marriage and growing closer to God together and how to respond appropriately?
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I don’t mean to be blunt, but this is not your concern. It is a matter between him, his confessor and God.

God bless
 
You’ve told him what you believe, you’ve told him what the church teaches, now go and live and be an example to him and your daughter. You live your faith and let him live with what he is doing. Only God can judge the state of mortal sin, not man. Make sure your daughter understands how important God’s grace is, and make sure she sees you going to confession and being a good Catholic.
 
Ask him to go to confession with you, and take your daughter too. Otherwise, there’s not much you can do beyond explaining to him the basic facts about the faith. We are all sinners, and we need to remove the logs in our own eyes before telling others about the specks in their eyes.

Prayers for your situation.
 
Well, I haven’t exactly explained mortal sins versus venial sins or to tell him it’s a mortal sin to go to communion - but is that my responsibility if he’s not interested in hearing it? I feel I need to speak the truth but don’t know how to do it so he is not intimidated - to do it in a loving and forgiving way.

I am praying for him and I have gone to confession and explained to him how wonderful it is, but know i can’t force him or cram it down his throat.

God keeps bringing me to embrace the Prodigal Son so I’m trying to learn more about that and the other things the Holy Spirit keeps showing me. I think I will continue to learn about it and meditate on it. I have been taking my daughter to eucharistic adoration with me but I should do the same with confession. Thanks for the advice.
 
I think I can understand the way you feel. You love him and don’t want to see him offending Our Lord repeatedly. I think it is your business–since as his spouse you are trying to help get him to heaven.

Maybe suggest a Catholic therapist or a meeting with your pastor from a marriage counseling angle and then the suggestion of confession will be made from someone other than you. I think Our Lord works thru people sometimes…allowing them to nudge people in the right direction.
 
CatholicMom1907 said:
Well, I haven’t exactly explained mortal sins versus venial sins or to tell him it’s a mortal sin to go to communion - but is that my responsibility if he’s not interested in hearing it? I feel I need to speak the truth but don’t know how to do it so he is not intimidated - to do it in a loving and forgiving way.

I am praying for him and I have gone to confession and explained to him how wonderful it is, but know i can’t force him or cram it down his throat.

God keeps bringing me to embrace the Prodigal Son so I’m trying to learn more about that and the other things the Holy Spirit keeps showing me. I think I will continue to learn about it and meditate on it. I have been taking my daughter to eucharistic adoration with me but I should do the same with confession. Thanks for the advice.
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But you said he BECAME a Catholic before you got married? So presumably he had some form of RCIA - he must have learned about mortal sins and confession and the need to be in a state of grace before accepting the Lord’s Body.

If he became a Catholic, he has at least a rudimentary grasp of the rules. And how do you know for sure he’s in mortal sin? Has he told you what he’s been doing that’s sinful?

My husband hasn’t been to confession for 13 years, since we married in the Church (we were married for 10 years civilly before that). He says he doesn’t commit mortals. OK, good for him. I go every 2-3 weeks and confess EVERYTHING, even venials. I am not responsible for the condition of his soul, only my own, and I know that unless I am in a state of grace, I don’t receive.

I have enough to do to keep myself on the straight and narrow - I pray for my husband but I can’t make him see things the way that I do.

🤷
 
TheRealJuliane said:
But you said he BECAME a Catholic before you got married? So presumably he had some form of RCIA - he must have learned about mortal sins and confession and the need to be in a state of grace before accepting the Lord’s Body.

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Not necessarily - I was told many years ago in RCIA that I only had to go to confession if I murdered someone or committed adultery. As a result, I didn’t go to confession for 15 years.

I disagree with other posters about it being none of her business. It’s part of our job as spouses to help either other grow in holiness, so I would view it as my business. I have encouraged (not pushed or demanded) my husband to go to confession and he has done the same for me.
 
Simply you don’t have to tell him 🙂

for all you know he may well have gone to confession somewhere and has not told you - why should he. Confession is confidential and no one will tell you if he been or not. Even if you strongly suspect, you won’t definately know. Even if he is adament he hasn’t been, you still won’t know because he may be even pretending not to have done because he wont want you to know he has been. Remember a priest can hear confession at home or anywhere so you can’t assume anything because of anything you haven’t seen etc.

and God sees what is happening and is a loving God and he won’t punish him for going to communion without confessing if that is to be the case

He is in Gods loving Care and again, God will not punish him for receiving communion because he hasn’t been to confession. You can relax and enjoy the love of God. Be at peace with God and let it be. Amen God loves you too.
 
CatholicMom,

I pray that you are able to bring you husband around and back to the church. As for having him go to confession you could try and explain to him that you still love him and you want him to have a clear conscious and return to you and to God. Maybe tell him that it would also help you, that it would show you that he is truly sorry and that he does love you enough to confess his sin. As he could be ashamed and embarrassed to admit that he made a mistake.

I pray that God Blesses and Keeps you both.

Winter
 
The fact that he’s taking your daughter to church on his weekends, may mean that the faith means something to him… Unless she’s with him 24/7 and she’s not even living with him, she has no way of knowing if her husband has been to confession or not. She may not want to accuse of him of needing to return to God if he already has and perhaps though when discussing things should mention off hand that she hopes he knows that its important after a major sin to go to confession in order to receive communion and leave it at that. But not ask him either/or.

I think the best situation should be to ask them to go to a Catholic counselor/talk to your priest together.
 
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