Going to same Protestant Church

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OneMoreLife

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Hello,

I have returned to the Catholic Church back around 2014. It’s the faith of my roots and I am very happy I returned. However, I have not been there for a few months. I have to repent. My heart has hardened.

My marriage has been in trouble since day one, if I can be honest. My wife and I met at an Evangelical Church many years ago. We have a teenager. It’s crazy because we are all going to separate Churches. I went to the Catholic Church in the morning. My wife had me bring out teenager to a young person’s church (against her/his wishes), and my wife would go to her church later in the afternoon. It’s not the norm, I know.

Since my marriage is in trouble I finally told her that she was going to have to leave her church and that we would be going to church as a family again. To my surprise she did not protest. However, I have to find out what church to go to.

Please don’t judge me or drill into my head that I am doing wrong by not insisting that they go to the Catholic Church with me. She has gone and she liked it. But she will never become a Catholic. I am lucky if we last another 10 years married. And I had my teenager go to Catholic Sunday school. The teachers and Priest said we had to leave it up to our teenager if she/he wanted to continue. My teenager opted to stay a Protestant. But my child doesn’t even want to go to Church. We want to raise him/her to have faith.

I know that Scott Hahn wrote he went to a Protestant Church with his wife and family for a while after he attended his Catholic Mass. His Priest said it would not be a sin.

So I ask you all, what kind of Church should I choose to bring my family to that is not Catholic? How do I even know which church to choose?

Thank you for reading this long message.
 
If your wife is willing to attend Mass with you, why not take your whole family? I don’t know how old your children are but why should they be able to choose not to come, even if they may not agree with the Catholic faith? What is a young people church, which you mentioned? If your children are more happy attending another church which they already do, you could all go to that one and you can go by yourself to Mass at a different time to fulfill your Sunday obligation if you think bringing your whole family is not at option, but I would continue to invite them. My family rarely attends church, but I always try to offer the invitation.
 
You and your family should only go to a Catholic Mass. Only Catholics have the Sacrifice of the Mass that has infinite value and this will help your family greatly. Since your wife likes going to a Catholic Mass, you should continue to take her to one even if she doesn’t currently express the desire to convert. Your adolescent would also benefit more from a Catholic Mass and if you want him to have faith, then you should expose him to the true Faith. I would have to disagree with the priest since I have always been taught it is a sin to go to Protestant services (except for weddings and such).
 
My wife never thought Catholic’s were real Christians. She changed her mind when she went to a Catholic Church. But she is not at deep spiritually so…
She would not want to go to many Masses. I just want us all to go to a Church together after I attend my Sunday Mass.
To the above poster, to say you always though it was a sin to attend a Protestant Church except for a wedding or funeral is an fanatical sounding as my anti Catholic friends who feel it’s a sin to enter a Catholic Church. We Christians have to lighten up!
 
OneMoreLife said:
My wife never thought Catholic’s were real Christians. She changed her mind when she went to a Catholic Church. But she is not at deep spiritually so…
She would not want to go to many Masses. I just want us all to go to a Church together after I attend my Sunday Mass.
To the above poster, to say you always though it was a sin to attend a Protestant Church except for a wedding or funeral is an fanatical sounding as my anti Catholic friends who feel it’s a sin to enter a Catholic Church. We Christians have to lighten up!
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In my catechism it says, “…there are some who, through fear of worldly loss or of being dismissed from their employment, deny their religion. Others from the same motives, thought they do not explicitly deny that they are Catholics, yet do so implicitly by attending and taking part in the services of a false religion, or by being married in a Protestant church, or by a merely civil marriage, or by taking Protestants for the godfathers and godmothers of their children, or by allowing their children to be brought up in a false religion. (But there is no sin in attending a Protestant funeral or marriage out of courtesy, so long as no part is taken in the service.)”

If your wife doesn’t want to go to a Catholic Mass with you, then you will have to sacrifice going to a church as a family since you should not go to Protestant services.
 
It is my understanding that under the old 1917 Code of Canon Law Catholics were indeed prohibited from attending non-Catholic church services but that prohibition was abrogated when the current Code of Canon Law came out in 1983. However, Catholics are still only to receive the sacraments from Catholic ministers, except in certain exceptional circumstances. (Code of Canon Law, Canon 844)
 
If your wife is willing to attend Catholic Mass, then I say that the two of you should go that Catholic Mass. As for your teenager, I would say that he/she doesn’t have a choice as to whether they want to go or not.

Growing up, my parents required me to go church. Didn’t matter if I had a cold, etc. If I was well enough to stand, I was going to church. Period. Once I moved out, I stopped going to church, except occasionally on Easter.

Fast forward to now. My parents haven’t been to church in years, and I have been going to Mass with my RC husband to Mass every Sunday for almost a year now.
 
OneMoreLife said:
Please don’t judge me or drill into my head that I am doing wrong by not insisting that they go to the Catholic Church with me.
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With all due respect, this is a forum to promote the Catholic faith. People who are serious about their beliefs on this site will insist you go to a Catholic church. After all it is our calling to bring out brothers and sister home
OneMoreLife said:
She has gone and she liked it. But she will never become a Catholic.
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If your only concern is to save your marriage and you think attending church as a family is going to do it AND your wife likes the Catholic mass, I think it is an easy choice ie go to a Catholic mass
 
OneMoreLife said:
To the above poster, to say you always though it was a sin to attend a Protestant Church except for a wedding or funeral is an fanatical sounding as my anti Catholic friends who feel it’s a sin to enter a Catholic Church. We Christians have to lighten up!
Click to expand...
umm… I find it strongly offensive to be told to lighten up. As mentioned in my other post, Catholics are suppose to bring people home to the true church. We do so gently not forcefully and attending a protestant service is showing a lack of commitment to the Catholic faith. Again, unless it is a courtesy for a wedding or funeral
 
Confiteor_Deo said:
In my catechism it says, “…there are some who, through fear of worldly loss or of being dismissed from their employment, deny their religion. Others from the same motives, thought they do not explicitly deny that they are Catholics, yet do so implicitly by attending and taking part in the services of a false religion, or by being married in a Protestant church, or by a merely civil marriage, or by taking Protestants for the godfathers and godmothers of their children, or by allowing their children to be brought up in a false religion. (But there is no sin in attending a Protestant funeral or marriage out of courtesy, so long as no part is taken in the service.)”

If your wife doesn’t want to go to a Catholic Mass with you, then you will have to sacrifice going to a church as a family since you should not go to Protestant services.
Click to expand...
Perhaps you need a new Catechism. One that reflects the current code of canon law and the current norms on ecumenism, particularly as they apply to Catholics in mixed marriages.

It is certainly acceptable for him to go to a non-Catholic church with his family after attending mass.
 
1ke said:
Perhaps you need a new Catechism. One that reflects the current code of canon law and the current norms on ecumenism, particularly as they apply to Catholics in mixed marriages.

It is certainly acceptable for him to go to a non-Catholic church with his family after attending mass.
Click to expand...
I don’t think going to a Protestant service in this circumstance would be considered ecumenical. I see no good that would come out of it that would lead to the salvation of either the poster or his family. My catechism is just fine, it actually teaches the Faith unlike most books today.
 
I am in a marriage like yours, only I am the wife who returned to the Church. My husband has never, in 20 years together, gone to Mass with me. It is a loss for both of us to have no ability to commune together as a family, so I understand your pain. It is, however, early days. My teenagers are converting to Catholicism one by one. My husband is more relaxed all the time, but isn’t there yet.

Find a Church to go to AFTER Mass if you must, remembering that you are doing this only for unity in your family. I would look at maybe a Wesleyan ? Idk. I would certainly not participate in communion or classes, or anything that looks like you are giving approval. Let it just be for the sake of sitting on the same pew.

I will also say that it is up to you to pursue her–make your marriage stronger than strong in every other way. You have no way of knowing beyond doubt that she won’t become Catholic at some point if you continue to remain faithful. Also, you are the parent. As long as the parent (i.e. Bill payer) says the kids go to Church, to Church they go. Building strong home devotions is just as important, so don’t skip out on that.
 
Just a note about your teenager – when my daughter was a young teen, she convinced me that forcing her to go to the Catholic church was pushing her away from it. So I allowed her to stop – big mistake.
I wish I had insisted that she continue to go. She doesn’t live with us now due to other circumstances, but hasn’t gone to church since then. I continue to pray for her daily.
Please insist that your teen attend church with you.
You can’t insist that your wife attend, but if she is willing, it would bring you closer together as a family.
The Catholic church may not have as much exciting music, groups, etc but we have the Eucharistic Christ. Attending a Protestant church now seems to me a pale imitation of the real church.

.
 
Confiteor_Deo said:
In my catechism it says, “…there are some who, through fear of worldly loss or of being dismissed from their employment, deny their religion. Others from the same motives, thought they do not explicitly deny that they are Catholics, yet do so implicitly by attending and taking part in the services of a false religion, or by being married in a Protestant church, or by a merely civil marriage, or by taking Protestants for the godfathers and godmothers of their children, or by allowing their children to be brought up in a false religion. (But there is no sin in attending a Protestant funeral or marriage out of courtesy, so long as no part is taken in the service.)”

If your wife doesn’t want to go to a Catholic Mass with you, then you will have to sacrifice going to a church as a family since you should not go to Protestant services.
Click to expand...
wow… WOW!!!
 
Todd977 said:
It is my understanding that under the old 1917 Code of Canon Law Catholics were indeed prohibited from attending non-Catholic church services but that prohibition was abrogated when the current Code of Canon Law came out in 1983. However, Catholics are still only to receive the sacraments from Catholic ministers, except in certain exceptional circumstances. (Code of Canon Law, Canon 844)
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Now that’s more like it! 🙂
And I would never receive communion in any church other than the Catholic Church again.
 
Anglewannabe said:
With all due respect, this is a forum to promote the Catholic faith. People who are serious about their beliefs on this site will insist you go to a Catholic church. After all it is our calling to bring out brothers and sister home

If your only concern is to save your marriage and you think attending church as a family is going to do it AND your wife likes the Catholic mass, I think it is an easy choice ie go to a Catholic mass
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She doesn’t like the Catholic Mass enough to go every week. In fact, I don’t even know how long we will make it as a married couple.
 
Tablefor9 said:
I am in a marriage like yours, only I am the wife who returned to the Church. My husband has never, in 20 years together, gone to Mass with me. It is a loss for both of us to have no ability to commune together as a family, so I understand your pain. It is, however, early days. My teenagers are converting to Catholicism one by one. My husband is more relaxed all the time, but isn’t there yet.

Find a Church to go to AFTER Mass if you must, remembering that you are doing this only for unity in your family. I would look at maybe a Wesleyan ? Idk. I would certainly not participate in communion or classes, or anything that looks like you are giving approval. Let it just be for the sake of sitting on the same pew.

I will also say that it is up to you to pursue her–make your marriage stronger than strong in every other way. You have no way of knowing beyond doubt that she won’t become Catholic at some point if you continue to remain faithful. Also, you are the parent. As long as the parent (i.e. Bill payer) says the kids go to Church, to Church they go. Building strong home devotions is just as important, so don’t skip out on that.
Click to expand...
It’s nice to know someone understand how I feel. Yes, I would always go AFTER Mass. 🙂
We send out teenager to Church every week.
 
OneMoreLife said:
wow… WOW!!!
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A lot of families don’t go to Mass together since many Catholics are lapsed. I doubt it will have a significant effect on your marriage if it’s not a Catholic Mass, perhaps counseling would be better.
 
1ke said:
Perhaps you need a new Catechism. One that reflects the current code of canon law and the current norms on ecumenism, particularly as they apply to Catholics in mixed marriages.

It is certainly acceptable for him to go to a non-Catholic church with his family after attending mass.
Click to expand...
👍
 
My church situation is similar to yours but I’m a convert rather than a revert. We have a grown son and a teenage daughter. I investigated the Catholic Church a few years ago and converted. My life has not been the same since that first mass.

My wife and daughter are officially members of a local megachurch. A calvanist-baptist type of mix. My daughter has lost interest in that church over the last two years and lately has been attending Life Teen at another Catholic Church with her best friend. My wife feels a bit left out and infrequently joins me for Mass with an even rarer appearance at her megachurch.

My daughter has grown up as a protestant and because of that, I’m not willing to tell her she has to go to a Catholic Church. My only demand is that she goes to a church. For now, that is Mass and Life Teen.

I can’t force them to convert and can only provide a good influence. Hopefully, one day they both will convert.

My situation differs from yours in that I think our marriage is pretty good. I do like doing spiritual things with my wife and think that strengthens the marriage. There are more ways to spiritually unite than just attending church together and perhaps you should investigate those in addition to joining each other for worship.

My wife’s megachurch is seriously, too loud for me to attend regularly and I am not exaggerating. They do a good job providing worship for the unchurched but perhaps mistake volume for spirituality. However, if I felt like you, that my marriage needed us to worship together, and she worships at a normal protestant church where the volume will not cause injury, then perhaps you can alternate. One week, she can go to mass with you, the next week, you can go to an early or vigil mass and join her at her protestant church.

As to whether or not she would ever convert, that is up to God and her opinion at this time is of little consequence.
OneMoreLife said:
Hello,

I have returned to the Catholic Church back around 2014. It’s the faith of my roots and I am very happy I returned. However, I have not been there for a few months. I have to repent. My heart has hardened.

My marriage has been in trouble since day one, if I can be honest. My wife and I met at an Evangelical Church many years ago. We have a teenager. It’s crazy because we are all going to separate Churches. I went to the Catholic Church in the morning. My wife had me bring out teenager to a young person’s church (against her/his wishes), and my wife would go to her church later in the afternoon. It’s not the norm, I know.

Since my marriage is in trouble I finally told her that she was going to have to leave her church and that we would be going to church as a family again. To my surprise she did not protest. However, I have to find out what church to go to.

Please don’t judge me or drill into my head that I am doing wrong by not insisting that they go to the Catholic Church with me. She has gone and she liked it. But she will never become a Catholic. I am lucky if we last another 10 years married. And I had my teenager go to Catholic Sunday school. The teachers and Priest said we had to leave it up to our teenager if she/he wanted to continue. My teenager opted to stay a Protestant. But my child doesn’t even want to go to Church. We want to raise him/her to have faith.

I know that Scott Hahn wrote he went to a Protestant Church with his wife and family for a while after he attended his Catholic Mass. His Priest said it would not be a sin.

So I ask you all, what kind of Church should I choose to bring my family to that is not Catholic? How do I even know which church to choose?

Thank you for reading this long message.
Click to expand...
 
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