Good manners or too formal?

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PartoftheBody

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Should a person use “please,” “thank you,” and “excuse me” with his spouse and/or other close relatives?

For instance, should a husband excuse himself every time he passes gas? Should a wife say thank you every time her husband takes out the trash? Should a brother always say please when he asks his sister to look in on their elderly mother?

Does it create an environment of rigidity and excessive formality, or is it just common courtesy?
 
PartoftheBody said:
Should a person use “please,” “thank you,” and “excuse me” with his spouse and/or other close relatives?

For instance, should a husband excuse himself every time he passes gas? Should a wife say thank you every time her husband takes out the trash? Should a brother always say please when he asks his sister to look in on their elderly mother?

Does it create an environment of rigidity and excessive formality, or is it just common courtesy?
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I would rather it be rigid than people forgetting their manners. As a kid growing up my parents never made us thank each other. Sometimes I think I would have learnt to be grateful at a younger age. When I left home and went to university, it was a hard lesson to learn that others would not like me if I talked to them the way we talked to each other at home.

Also, I think it sets a good example for kids when mom says to dad ‘thanks for taking out the trash’. And when a husband passes gas… well having stomach issues I understand where he is coming from but still… he should say sorry

CM
 
I think it depends on the culture. In some cultures people don’t say ‘thank you’ and ‘please’ all the time, while in others they do. I grew up in a culture where that is not common, and my husband grew up where it is. At first I thought that his constant thanks you and please was too formal and even annoying, but with time I got used to it and now do the same. I think that these little signs of courtesy make people feel appreciated.
 
We do, and both of the families we were raised in did.

It doesn’t feel stuffy to us shrug. It’s also good for the kids- what is habit in home is habit outside the house too!
 
Good manners are generaly never out of place. They show that you care about the other persons feelings.
👍
 
My fiance and I still use please, thank you, excuse me, bless you, etc. It’s nice to make it clear that even after all this time we still appreciate the little things.
 
PartoftheBody said:
Should a person use “please,” “thank you,” and “excuse me” with his spouse and/or other close relatives?

For instance, should a husband excuse himself every time he passes gas? Should a wife say thank you every time her husband takes out the trash? Should a brother always say please when he asks his sister to look in on their elderly mother?

Does it create an environment of rigidity and excessive formality, or is it just common courtesy?
Click to expand...
I’ve always wondered why we tend to treat strangers better than family. My vote is yes - thank you, please, excuse me.
 
Well, I live in the South, where children are routinely taught to address their parents and all elders with “Yes, Sir,” “Yes, Ma’am,” or, “No, Sir,” “No, Ma’am,” so you are never going to hear me say that good manners are too formal.

🙂
 
I always say please, thank you, and I love you to my husband. It doesn’t feel rigid to me at all. But I also use my manners with my child, as well. I think its important to remain generous, thankful, and aware of a person, no matter how well you know them. If nothing else, our daughter hears it and has learned great manners.
 
No matter where you are, and no matter who you are dealing with, using Please, Thank you, etc. and holding a chair at the table or holding a door open for a lady not only expresses genteelity and politeness, it shows a common decency and respect for the other person.
 
It isn’t ‘formal’, but includes the level of courtesy that should always exist.
It isn’t a ‘matter of form’ but simply, mutual consideration.
And to say ‘excuse me’, ‘please’, ‘thank you’ is clear indication that we are not taking our families and friends for granted.

The Vatican considers inter-personal courtesy as sufficiently important that St Francis de Sales was named Patron Saint of good manners

“Saint Francis de Sales was famous among his contemporaries for his holiness, which was also expressed through good manners. “His biographies speak of Francis as a perfect gentleman with everyone, whether they were noble, learned, or simple people,” says Father Scudu, “a man who always had a smile for the people he spoke with, who treated everyone with kindness and friendliness.” vaticaninsider.lastampa.it/en/homepage/rules-of-etiquete/detail/articolo/san-francesco-di-sales-1567-1622-oltreche-come-uno-dei-piu-grandi-predicatori-della-storia-cri/
 
My husband and I frequently extend such courtesies to each other. Just another way to demonstrate our consideration and respect for each other.
PartoftheBody said:
For instance, should a husband excuse himself every time he passes gas?
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You make it sound as if this is a frequent occurrence at your house. If someone is passing gas so often that excusing themselves is becoming a burden, I suspect that the “passer” is probably just a little too enthusiastic about sharing this particular experience with others. It might be time to class things up a bit around there.
 
A husband should laugh when he passes gas as well as laugh when his 3 year old daughter does the same.

Laughing may be in order when a burp occurs as well.
 
My husband and I are very big on thanking each other for what ever, we say please, and excuse me all the time. It really depends on culture, but I find that saying please, thank you, and excuse me are good habits to have.
 
I think good manners never hurt. We were raised to say please, thank you, excuse me, etc., yet our family life was far from formal or rigid. It’s one of those things where I believe that if you don’t use it at home, you will be less likely to put it to use outside of the home. In regards to other bodily functions, people will say “Excuse me,” or something similar, but everyone will laugh heartily. I remember as a kid we’d have burping contests. I know, not lady-like at all, but it was funny. 😛
 
I think it’s nice to say please and thank-you. It makes people feel good, even if it’s for mundane things like taking out the trash or heating up frozen pizza for dinner. My husband and I always try to warn the other if we’ve stunk up the bathroom.

For me, these things are habit, so I don’t really feel they are formal. For strangers and acquaintances I will say them in a more formal way, “Please” and “Thank-you.” But for people close to me, I tend to say them in a less formal and more fun way. “Thanks!” “That’s nice of you to do.” And, in my best Philadelphia accent, “Muchas Gracias, Senior!” (I actually used that one this morning.) I see it as just another way to say “I love you.”
 
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