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[Em_in_FL]

I am almost positive it is him. It was his first, middle and last name in the report as well as a description that fits him. No birthdate though which would confirm it was him. I have tried Catholic Match and really wasn’t a big fan. Rarely got any emails. I have had bad luck. This really bums me out. I am supposed to go out with him on Friday and I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to ask him about this and get his side of the story and the other part of me just wants to cancel and end communication with him.

Bring it up! Talk to him!

YES - sometimes these are total deal breakers.
But other times people make stupid decisions and decide to totally reform their lives. Sometimes this can be a challenge and require assistance in order to follow the narrow road of holiness, but that doesn’t mean it would be impossible.

I think it deserves conversation. I’d say, “okay, so I have to ask this… I found out online that you had this past arrest. Was that you? What happened?”

Communication is one of the MOST important factors in a relationship. If you can’t do it now, you won’t be able to do it when the relationship is worthy of moving forward… so learn how to do it NOW!

 

[PatriceA]

I am almost positive it is him. It was his first, middle and last name in the report as well as a description that fits him. No birthdate though which would confirm it was him. I have tried Catholic Match and really wasn’t a big fan. Rarely got any emails. I have had bad luck. This really bums me out. I am supposed to go out with him on Friday and I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to ask him about this and get his side of the story and the other part of me just wants to cancel and end communication with him.

I’d ask him about it. I’d at least give him a chance to explain. But I would hold off “dating” him for awhile and just be his friend. I’d slow things down to just conversational level for awhile, certainly no romantic type activities. Depending upon what he tells you and what crime he committed, and you still want to give him some kind of chance, he’d have to understand that you need to take the time to discern if he’s really changed.

A criminal record alone wouldn’t have been a deal breaker for me when I was dating. but 24 months is a lot, and I wouldn’t date anyone that committed a crime that when it came to a job application and he listed his crime it would mean he wouldn’t be hired.

 

[lizaanne]

I am almost positive it is him. It was his first, middle and last name in the report as well as a description that fits him. No birthdate though which would confirm it was him. I have tried Catholic Match and really wasn’t a big fan. Rarely got any emails. I have had bad luck. This really bums me out. I am supposed to go out with him on Friday and I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to ask him about this and get his side of the story and the other part of me just wants to cancel and end communication with him.

I assume that the end result in your search for someone is marriage. If you can’t talk to him about this now, you will have major issues in marriage.

You don’t have to do it like the third degree - just tell him, you know we met on line, and just as any on line dater would and should do, I checked you out! (with a big smile) - then tell him what you found, and just ask what it was all about. And tell him that you hope he would do the same with you to make sure from his end that he wasn’t getting into something with some maniac woman.

Good luck - some people do change, some don’t. How he handles this will be very telling. And don’t let him off the hook on this either - this could be a very serious turning point in this budding “relationship”.

I met my husband online about six years ago - not on a dating site but on a forum much like this one. It can work, but it takes a lot of work for both parties to make it happen before you walk down the aisle. In the end for us it was so worth it, I’ve never been happier in my life.

Good luck!

~Liza

 

[KostyaJMJ]

I would tend to say that data mining a person’s personal information before dating them is not wise. But then again, I’m a man so I have very little to fear from any potential date. I can see why a woman would want to check up on her date. It is important to remember that a background check isn’t infallible and it will weed out some good men as well as let some real creeps through. What would be more important to me is my potential date’s credit score. I care more that she is responsible with money than any criminal activity in the past.

 

[PatriceA]

I am almost positive it is him. It was his first, middle and last name in the report as well as a description that fits him. No birthdate though which would confirm it was him. I have tried Catholic Match and really wasn’t a big fan. Rarely got any emails. I have had bad luck. This really bums me out. I am supposed to go out with him on Friday and I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to ask him about this and get his side of the story and the other part of me just wants to cancel and end communication with him.

But where are you finding these guys? Is it an online dating site, just not Catholic? Is there a screening process for people to join? I think I’d stick to the more reputable sites if that’s where you are finding these men.

 

[lizaanne]

But where are you finding these guys? Is it an online dating site, just not Catholic? Is there a screening process for people to join? I think I’d stick to the more reputable sites if that’s where you are finding these men.

Screening process?? What sites have a screening process?? Never heard of that - and doubt very seriously that most sites have the resources to even do such a thing.

~Liza

 

[kamaan]

Screening process?? What sites have a screening process?? Never heard of that - and doubt very seriously that most sites have the resources to even do such a thing.

~Liza

I have never been to a dating site that included a screening process, either.

Then again, I’ve only been to the free ones…

 

[Dale_M]

Screening process?? What sites have a screening process?? Never heard of that - and doubt very seriously that most sites have the resources to even do such a thing.

I agree that it is uncommon, but eHarmony does screen its applicants. I remember a competing online dating service ran TV ads for awhile poking fun at that company for treating people as rejects.

Here is a list of the top five reasons eHarmony rejects a potential customer:
pinoy.ca/eharmony/104

Criminal record isn’t mentioned, but if I had learned that my upcoming date may have been convicted for a crime, its something I would ask about on the first date. Yes, its the crime topic is awkward, but Googling a date’s name is pretty much standard now. I would mention some of the interesting and some of the odd bits of information you learned about him. And when he is relaxed, mention that someone with his name has a criminal record. I’d ask if he knew anything about that.

 

[PatriceA]

Screening process?? What sites have a screening process?? Never heard of that - and doubt very seriously that most sites have the resources to even do such a thing.

~Liza

One of our friends was using True.com and they screen for felons.

 

[lizaanne]

I agree that it is uncommon, but eHarmony does screen its applicants.

One of our friends was using True.com and they screen for felons.

Wow - I’m impressed!

Back six years ago when I was considering an online service I didn’t see anything like that, but a lot has changed in that short amount of time.

I ended up only considering Ave Maria because they were the most conservative Catholic dating site I could find, and their questionnaire was pretty in depth on the Faith which I liked. But as I was waiting for my next pay check to pay for the fee to join, I met my husband elsewhere on the big wide internet.

~Liza

 

[azgirl]

I tried emailing him last night to tell him that I googled him. The thing is the stuff I found out are very unsettling. He had fake identification, lied to police about his name (this is how they discovered the fake i.d. because they found his wallet). He had conterfeit money in his wallet. This wasn’t 20 years ago when he was young and stupid. He was at least 30 and already had a child. I don’t even know if this is worth bringing up. If it was him I don’t know that I would be able to trust him knowing about his lying in the past. That is one thing I don’t tolerate.

The other thing is he is not Catholic nor does he seem spiritual. I am supposed to go out with him tonight and honestly I don’t want to at this point. I might email him later and tell him something came up and I can’t go out. I don’t feel like I owe an explanation. He hasn’t made any attempts to call me this week, has only emailed. This too me shows that he is not that interested in getting to know me. His emails have only been one line basically saying the same thing everyday. So I guess what I am saying is I don’t think he is worth getting to know, I have only been on two dates with him and he is not showing enough interest in me for me to share with him what I have found. Your thoughts???

Anyone know any nice, Catholic men (35-45 yrs old) in Az. looking for a good Catholic girl?

 

[KostyaJMJ]

I tried emailing him last night to tell him that I googled him. The thing is the stuff I found out are very unsettling. He had fake identification, lied to police about his name (this is how they discovered the fake i.d. because they found his wallet). He had conterfeit money in his wallet. This wasn’t 20 years ago when he was young and stupid. He was at least 30 and already had a child. I don’t even know if this is worth bringing up. If it was him I don’t know that I would be able to trust him knowing about his lying in the past. That is one thing I don’t tolerate.

I am very impressed at your Google-fu skills. Very few criminal records are simply posted on the internet, so obtaining a person’s detailed criminal record isn’t just as simple as typing their name into google. How did you get such a detailed criminal background?

 

[lizaanne]

Your thoughts???

Keep looking. And no, you don’t owe him any more of an explanation than you just don’t care to go out any more.

Anyone know any nice, Catholic men (35-45 yrs old) in Az. looking for a good Catholic girl?

I do - but he’s not practicing his faith like I wish he would (that would be not at all).

~Liza

 

[lizaanne]

I am very impressed at your Google-fu skills. Very few criminal records are simply posted on the internet, so obtaining a person’s detailed criminal record isn’t just as simple as typing their name into google. How did you get such a detailed criminal background?

It is entirely possible to do this by paying a small amount on some of the more detailed sites. It’s not as hard as you think it is.

When she says she “googled” someone - I assume she means she did internet research on him, beyond just typing in a name in google.

~Liza

 

[azgirl]

It is entirely possible to do this by paying a small amount on some of the more detailed sites. It’s not as hard as you think it is.

When she says she “googled” someone - I assume she means she did internet research on him, beyond just typing in a name in google.

~Liza

Actually I just googled his name to find this information. It was the first thing that popped up. I also looked up under records here and he had stuff back in the early 90’s, drug related. Crazy I know! Almost scared to find out any more information at this point.

 

[azgirl]

Keep looking. And no, you don’t owe him any more of an explanation than you just don’t care to go out any more.

I do - but he’s not practicing his faith like I wish he would (that would be not at all).

~Liza

Maybe he needs a good Catholic girl to bring him back

 

[lizaanne]

Maybe he needs a good Catholic girl to bring him back

Not a way to live you life trying to save someone. I know (hope) you are just kidding, but really, he has way too much baggage to start with. Besides, he doesn’t sound like he’s really that interested if he’s just sending you nonsense emails - sounds to me like he could very well be sending the same response to more than just one person if you are getting what sounds like a form letter response.

~Liza

 

[kamaan]

Not a way to live you life trying to save someone. I know (hope) you are just kidding, but really, he has way too much baggage to start with. Besides, he doesn’t sound like he’s really that interested if he’s just sending you nonsense emails - sounds to me like he could very well be sending the same response to more than just one person if you are getting what sounds like a form letter response.

~Liza

I think she was referring to your Arizona guy.

 

[lizaanne]

I think she was referring to your Arizona guy.

OH!!! LOL!!!

Didn’t catch that - too funny!!

I think it would take more than the right Catholic girl to get this dear relative to come around.

~Liza

 

[Sierrah]

I highly recommend it. I also let people know they are welcome to do one on me but be wary of the info you find. I got bored and googled myself yesterday just for the heck of it and all the people searches had me living in a different town weirdest of all is they had a list of my relatives with respective ages…most of whom passed away years ago and my dad was listed with his middle name as his first…siblings who have lived out of state for 10 years or more were still listed as living in MO…