Gossip and Innuendo about my pastor

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Okay, I love my church, my faith and my priests. Our church is blessed with a wonderful pastor and two other wonderful priests. I became good friends with another woman in RCIA and we have remained friends. Before she moved away, I always suspected she had a crush on our pastor from things she said and did (conveniently watching the DVD Thornbirds when she knew he was coming over for dinner with her family, etc.). However, I decided it probably wasn’t hurting anyone (well maybe her marriage). They moved away and I forgot about it.

Now, she and her husband and son flew back to celebrate our priest’s 25 years of ordination as a priest. Since she has been in town, she has said several things that are now nagging at me and I’m trying to put them out of my mind, but can’t.

To begin, she commented on how Fr.'s current secretary used to clean the rectory and cook for the priests but everyone was upset that the cook was over there alone with Fr. all the time (actually I’d never heard anything like this until she mentioned it). Then my friend commented on how some women in the parish were jealous of her (my friend) because she and Fr. are thisclose. Finally, she said that Fr. has promised her that if anything happens to her husband, he will take care of her!

I don’t want to hear gossip about my pastor, but how do I un-hear it? I really believe she has either misunderstood or exaggerated things a bit or created some drama where it doesn’t exist. I should add that Fr. has joked that my friend reminds him of his mom, but if she tells others what she tells me, maybe they will think there is something wrong going on.

How do I ignore this and go back to just thinking of my wonderful pastor and the funny, spiritual guy we all love to hear in church? I can’t talk to anyone at my church!
 
Surely, you have heard malicious gossip before. Tell the person that you do not want to hear such things.
 
Agreed. Shut her down immediately if she starts up. Show her that you find the conversation distasteful, These people like an audience. Don’t be that person.
 
I know it’s uncomfortable to be put in that situation. The best thing to do is to gently tell her that you don’t want to participate in the discussion or change the subject. If she doesn’t get the hint, make an excuse so you can walk away. You don’t have to participate in the gossip if you don’t wish to. Prayers for the situation!

God Bless!
 
I was in a parish where there was much vicious gossip about the priest. They even got the bishop to investigate the priest. The bishop cleared him, but the gossip continued. Finally he was transferred to another city, far away. I’m happy no one tried involve me, or to talk to me about him maliciously.
The best thing to do is pray over this situation. If this disturbs you, you can pray about this too.
You should not listen to such a person. You don’t have to impolitely cut them off to do this, but change the subject or leave for an appointment, perhaps.
 
I would rebuke the person for spreading gossip, but that’s just me. You could equally just walk away when she starts.
 
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pmoo:
… said several things that are now nagging at me and I’m trying to put them out of my mind, but can’t…

I don’t want to hear gossip about my pastor, but how do I un-hear it? I really believe she has either misunderstood or exaggerated things a bit or created some drama where it doesn’t exist. I should add that Fr. has joked that my friend reminds him of his mom, but if she tells others what she tells me, maybe they will think there is something wrong going on.

How do I ignore this and go back to just thinking of my wonderful pastor and the funny, spiritual guy we all love to hear in church? I can’t talk to anyone at my church!
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You can perseverate about her views less if you remind yourself of the source. Besides, what situation is present here that requires your intervention? There isn’t one. When you reassure yourself that nothing she has said gives you any duty to act, it will make it easier to remember your Christian duty to avoid rash judgment. Coach yourself on that, and in future handle these conversations as you would if their objects were out of sight but not out of earshot. That will make it easier to steer them more rightly.
 
I have come across women in different parishes that gossip about a few Priests and women in this fashion. Tell them they need to wash their brains with bleach. It is disgusting to spread such rumors and say such things. These type of women ( I have never met a man gossiping like this) are trouble makers and need to be shut down asap. Do not be part of their game of gossip.
 
It sounds like your friend is the only source of the gossip, and she doesn’t seem to be spreading it around, only saying it to you. Like the other posters above, I would just advise to tell her directly you don’t like that talk.

But at the same time…LOL at watching the Thornbirds in front of the pastor…I mean seriously? I squirted milk out my nose reading that!
 
DaisymaeD said:
But at the same time…LOL at watching the Thornbirds in front of the pastor…I mean seriously? I squirted milk out my nose reading that!
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I spilled some coffee halfway to my mouth, I was chuckling so hard! 👍
 
Well, if you feel you need to respond…how about “Fr is a great priest, I’d hate to think you would put him in a position that might lead to scandal and gossip. He deserves our respect and support as a servant of God.”

Truly, sometimes people need to “hear” what they are saying/doing from an outside perspective. Sounds like she is so into herself and her feeling she has not even considered that her words have repercussions on the priest she considers a friend.
 
I guess I’d be more direct:

“why would you say such things? And in public? Goodness, how many people have you repeated this to?”

Stare with shock and disgust. :eek:
That’s the only way to get to these people.
They continue because people give them an ear, and don’t demand that they cease.

Tell her in no uncertain terms that it’s uncharitable and you won’t hear any of it. Period.
 
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