gossip?

[mlz]

I was out for lunch with a friend today who told me rather off handed something horrible about a man I know. He is known to be very moral, someone I respect. Supposedly he was found having sex with a friend of he and his wife’s by the head janitor at the school I work in. Now, it’s just a rumor, but having this information is bothering me. What if it’s true? Is it be false? I can’t get it off my mind and don’t know how everyone handles getting this kind of information. It’s troubling me. Of course I am praying about it. Any other advise?
mlz

 

[PatriceA]

Unless you personally saw the act or were told directly by the people involved about the act, its none of your business nor anybody else’s. This could ruin reputations, careers and marriages. Stay away from it and do not repeat it to anyone.

 

[Trishie]

Dear friend and sister,
In praying for this woman and man and his spouse, you are doing what God desires of you.
It was wrong of the person to spread gossip, and if is how the friend is handling the allegation, then scandal is probably immanent, and lives and relationships potentially destroyed.
You awareness of the problem is relevant only in that it gives you the opportunity and mission to pray for these people.

I thank God that you are in a position to be able to welcome the grace to pray for these people. God is counting on you, and now us, to help you pray for them…so as usual, God is bringing good out of what is not good, touching the sin of adultery and the sin of gosspi with His transforming love.

And we can’t really be surprised even at the sin of an upright person.
Even though they had spent three years constantly in His presence, seeing His goodness, observing His miracles, and three of them, His transfiguration, the disciples ran out on Jesus when He needed them most. His closest three fell asleep when He requested their prayers and company; and all their lives they couldn’t get back that time during His torture and agonized death, they abandoned Him, except John.
That is a human, but a horrible thing.

Remember that Jesus said, "If you deny me before men, I will deny you before My Father in Heaven. [Mark 8:38] Well His chosen disciples did deny Jesus before men, one by perfidious betrayal of Jesus to His protagonists, but the others by their actions, and Peter directly. Those were serious sins of mostly good men. If it happened to the best of men, it can happen to any person, potentially. The apostles (bar Judas) didn’t remain in their sins of betrayal, and please God this accused couple will not remain in their perceived sin.

God grant that our prayers for all involved will bear fruit.

 

[puzzleannie]

I was out for lunch with a friend today who told me rather off handed something horrible about a man I know.
. . .
Any other advise?
mlz

lose this person as a friend, that is, the one you went to lunch with, or you will be the next subject of his vicious gossip

 

[Trishie]

Regarding gossip, from the Catechism of the Catholic Church

“2477: Respect for the reputation of persons forbids every attitude and word likely to cause (someone) unjust injury. He becomes guilty:
– of rash judgment who, even tacitly, assumes as true, without sufficient foundation, the moral fault of a neighbor;
– of detraction who, without objectively valid reason, discloses another’s faults and failings to persons who did not know them;
– of calumny who, by remarks contrary to the truth, harms the reputation of others and gives occasion for false judgments concerning them.”

“2488: The right to the communication of the truth is not unconditional. Everyone must conform his life to the gospel precept of fraternal love. This requires us in concrete situations to judge whether or not it is appropriate to reveal the truth to someone who asks for it.”

“2492: Everyone should observe an appropriate reserve concerning persons’ private lives. Those in charge of communications should maintain a fair balance between the requirements of the common good and respect for individual rights. Interference by the media in the private lives of persons engaged in political or public activity is to be condemned to the extent that it infringes upon their privacy and freedom.”

 

[Southerncross]

I was out for lunch with a friend today who told me rather off handed something horrible about a man I know. He is known to be very moral, someone I respect. Supposedly he was found having sex with a friend of he and his wife’s by the head janitor at the school I work in. Now, it’s just a rumor, but having this information is bothering me. What if it’s true? Is it be false? I can’t get it off my mind and don’t know how everyone handles getting this kind of information. It’s troubling me. Of course I am praying about it. Any other advise?
mlz

Obedience to the 8th. commandment should have restrained your " friend " Put the incident out of your mind & don`t dwell on it - just pray for all concerned . Maybe you could avoid the company of people who spread rumors .
[SIGN]Pax et Bonum[/SIGN]

 

[tbcrawford]

Dear friend and sister I agree with the eloquent qords of dear Trishie.
Here is a prayer for you

Prayer for an End to Gossip
Lord Jesus, Son of the Most Holy,
How Divinely pure Your thoughts are!
Your Words only reflect wonders,
Parables worthy of searching minds.
I earnestly strive to parallel after You.
Tend to my need of respecting others,
That I may never gossip against anyone.
Guide me in the righteous path of life,
Where sensational gossip is non-existent.
If by Your will, my intervention is required,
Guide me to extinguish the attacks of others.
Jesus, You are the glorious light of truth!

 

[mlz]

Thank you all for your advise. I would never share this with anyone but needed to be sure to handle this the way God wanted me to. The person I went to lunch with was a lady I taught with who was very kind to me when I started teaching. She is retired now but doesn’t go to church anywhere. I have always felt that God put me with her for a reason. She needs a friend and isn’t a horrible person although I can’t always agree with her and wouldn’t do things she’s done. I will keep this in prayer. Thanks Trishie for your wise words! Blessings to you all!
mlz

 

[Trishie]

Dear M, I profoundly know you would never spread this gossip, but others to whom the person also confides, may do so. That the woman has confided in you without consideration for anyone’s reputation, means that she may to someone else, who perhaps is less protective of others. So it is good that your prayer, and the prayers you elicit from us, precede any possible, more public, revelations. It is good also that we can join you in prayer for your misguided acquaintance. I am sorry that in your present health issues and pain, that you have had to cope with this added distress.

May God continue to support and bless you,

Love, Trishie… Hugs

 

[cmscms]

If your friend was herslef upset and needed to talk that would be one thing. But the fact that she ‘told you offhandly’ shows she does not see anything wrong with gossip.

I would be concerned ‘What is she saying about me’

On the other hand, is she is an old friend, there is nothing wrong with trying to work things our with her. Perhaps you could say ‘the other day when you told me about the guy who was caught having sex, it really bothered me. In the future, could you please not tell me these things. They make me feel like I am participating in gossip’ If she is understanding, you have strenghthened the friendship. If she gets angry, I think you have your answer.

Gossip hurts not only the ones being talked about but also the ones hearing it

CM

 

[shondrea]

To be fair, your friend probably didn’t realize the extent to which this story could grow and spread. Everyone loves a good story to tell. Sometimes these stories are absolutely true, and may have an affect on you in some way, and other times, they may not. I wouldn’t ditch your friend for this. I can’t condone ditching someone for one fault, or else no one would ever have any friends. Next time, I’d ask her, instead, where she heard this, and suggest to her how this could affect the person it is about if she got some or all of her “facts” wrong.

 

[lutherlic]

To be fair, your friend probably didn’t realize the extent to which this story could grow and spread. Everyone loves a good story to tell. Sometimes these stories are absolutely true, and may have an affect on you in some way, and other times, they may not. I wouldn’t ditch your friend for this. I can’t condone ditching someone for one fault, or else no one would ever have any friends. Next time, I’d ask her, instead, where she heard this, and suggest to her how this could affect the person it is about if she got some or all of her “facts” wrong.

I agree with you - if we couldn’t be friends with those who sin we would have no friends, including ourselves. I would ask my friend not to gossip, or at least not with me.

On another point, it doesn’t matter if the story is absolutely true or not nor does it matter where she heard it. It is a grave sin to gossip. Doing so wrongly exposes private matters, even though they may be sinful, to public scrutiny. It brings a kind of judgement and punishment upon others which is not our place.

 

[shondrea]

I was confused for a long time about gossip. Round here, gossip is any story, regardless of what kind of story it is. If you ask someone how their days was, you ask, how’s your gossip? So I was a little lost! From what I understand, gossip is a sin when it intentionally spreads rumours or damges another person’s image.

So, it would be gossip to say, “Did you hear Ms Jones is getting married AGAIN? I know! Well, I heard he was at least 10 years younger!”

Whereas it might not be to say, “Ms Jones showed me her engagement ring today! I didn’t even know she was getting married! Yes, i did hear he was rather younger, but that’s a matter for them, I suppose”

There is a difference between idle chatter and true gossip, it’s just very easy to cross that line.

 

[CB_Catholic]

There is a young woman where I work who just cannot seem to mind her own business and spends a lot of time repeating things she’s heard or knows, or thinks she knows. One day, when I wasn’t expecting it, she came up to me and told me something about a co-worker. And she did this in front of other co-workers. I just looked at her and said "How do you know this is true?’ She said she had heard it, etc, (she had no proof, really.) I told her that I do not believe things people tell me about other people unless I see or hear it myself or the person in question tells me. And it’s none of her business or mine anyway. And why are you telling me this? To my surprise, there was nodding of heads in agreement from some of the others and I even heard a “that’s right”. I don’t think she was expecting that. And I don’t think she realized how her behavior appeared to others.

Sometimes you have to just set the limits, even to nice people.

Try to forget about what she told you. That is what is so bad about gossip–it poisons the minds of others towards others and is a sin against justice. It is good that you recognize this and that you are praying.