Gossipy Relatives

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What should one do when gossipy relatives come over? My relatives all live far away, but when we see them they are often gossiping about someone.

They came over today and I did what I saw suggested either on here or by priests: I pretended to ignore the gossiper by looking around or by walking away.

I want to know when gossip is a sin. If it’s a sin just to hear it then how can anyone be free of this sin?
 
I have the same issue. This is my strategy: keep the conversation positive at all times. When they talk negatively, I always put a positive spin on things. The funny thing is that this irritates them and they stop gossiping.
 
I hear gossip all the time at work. It can get quite wearing at times. There have been occasions when I have felt impressed to say something along the lines of “well, I’m not going to talk about this” when invited to join in the gossip, but mostly I just avoid joining in without making a big deal of it. Just hearing gossip is to my mind, a bit like temptation. It becomes sinful when you seek it out and indulge in passing it on. I hope that’s in keeping with church teaching, but that is how I deal with it.
 
Melodeonist said:
I want to know when gossip is a sin.
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When you engage in it.

And in case you wonder about this: you are not under an obligation to try to correct your relatives when they gossip. Frankly, if such gossip were so sinful that it was gravely sinful, you would feel no embarrassment about telling them to stop, and they would themselves suspect they were doing something rather unkind. But most gossip is not gravely sinful, it’s just mindless chatter. You don’t have to worry about freeing your relatives of the habit of engaging in mindless chatter. Neither do you have to worry about what relatives, who have obviously come to see your parents, are discussing with each other.
 
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Just find a break in which to say, “Well, that’s just gossip.” They might say, “I know, isn’t it juicy?” You could then explain that it’s not good to say true things about others that take them down, that’s “calumny.” That’s when you can change the subject, or ask if there’s any good news about whom they’re speaking.

If they persist you might tell the story of how gossip is like feathers strewn from a mountaintop. It’s difficult to take it back. Of course, they may stop telling you stuff, and then you’ll be out of the loop. 😉
 
Oh man! And I’ve been misled this whole time! Thanks for clearing that up! 👍😃

I always thought it was odd that another’s sin would be forced upon a listener.
 
Of course. You can’t help what people say. Just don’t engage in it.
 
A good guideline when determining whether something is a sin is that one can’t sin without conscious will. If you hang around a listen to someone gossiping because you are interested in hearing all the sordid details, then you are participating. If you just unfortunately overheard someone without asking, that’s not your responsibility. However, if you feel that someone is damaging someone’s reputation, and you are in a position to say something to the effect of, “I don’t like to talk about other people behind their back,” you might be morally obligated to do so. You don’t need to give them a lecture. Just make it clear that you don’t like that kind of talk, and if relevant, that you care about the reputation of the person being gossiped about. That will shut most decent people up.
 
Now does that mean interrupt them to tell them that, or is it best to wait till thei are done speaking?
 
A former colleague always used to say: I feel like we’re getting into an area of gossip, so if you’ll excuse me…" and then she would walk away.
Stopped it in its tracks every single time.
 
I think that this can sometimes be an awkward situation if you know that you might be around someone who likes to gossip.

If you’re all sitting in a group together, like at the table having a meal, you can do like I try to do, and try and turn the conversation around into something else that’s positive that would also be of interest to them to talk about.

For example, you can ask about their other family members if they’re not with them, or their latest vacation, or something like that.

When we were at my paternal Grandparent’s house for gatherings, my Grandfather used to have the TV on in the background to some kind of sporting event.

That always made for a great topic of conversation too, and even when I was quite young, I would join in on the topic of conversation with him and my Dad, and sometimes my other male relatives who were also there. 🙂
 
Is what they are exchanging actually “gossip” - which usually has overtones of commenting negatively about someone, or passing on unproved or unkind rumours…
If these are relatives who visit rarely, I suspect what goes on is more in the nature of passing on family chat and catching up…But whatever it is, you cannot be blamed for overhearing them.
 
It is a sin if it is harmful to someone. For example, if it is detrimental to their good name.
Nor would I want to hear it. If I listened, it may affect my opinion of someone negatively. This would be worse of the gossip is untrue or unfair, a gossip can well be.
Such gossip can be more harmful to the person speaking it than it is to the person whose reputation is damaged, since God hears what the person is saying.
Where I worked, women would sometimes sit at the table in the break room speaking bad things about people. I made sure not to go in there at the times they liked taking a break.
Sometimes I change the subject when I hear it, which can work.
 
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