Got kicked out of my church

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on_the_hill said:
I realized that deceiving someone, as you did your professor, wasn’t funny when I was in fifth grade. So, no. I won’t give you a break. Welcome to the Internet.
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Welcome to a broken world. That post was stupid. I wish I could delete it. I’m a mean person. Deal with it.
 
Hmm, you continue petulance and ad hominem in this thread as well. No, I think our apprehensiveness is well-founded and you need to grow up.

And frankly, I hope this thread is not deleted, but stands as a witness to your behavior on this site so that future forum-goers are forewarned.
 
I can promise anyone reading thid; people love me, and I’m a really good kid. The internet can mask that. I’m so sorry for coming off as childish, but ranting is an easy thing to do with people I don’t know. I am SO sorry for being rude. It’s easy to show one’s ugly side on a forum. If anyone wants to private message me, please do… You might see my good side 😉
 
Binto, the reason that I called you out was that there are markers in your original post on this thread that seemed orchestrated to elicit a negative judgement of this Priest for your satisfaction. The only reason that I looked back was for my own curiousity about what I was observing. I referred to that previous post only when I could see that the Priest here was getting that negative judgement in a way that we couldn’t possibly discern.

People that are spiritual directors are a very distinct type of person. Not everyone is suitable and that is discerned at the beginning, middle and end of their training by objective authorities so there had to be more to the story of his crack up than just ‘having a bad day’. My spiritual director told me that even if I have time for nothing else in a day… always do my examen at night. I promise you that if you live by that policy you will grow in your spiritual life too. There are some things we can attribute to immaturity or mental illness but some things have to be owned as the free choice to sin.

It could be that the Priest was frustrated with you not taking spiritual direction seriously but as was my SDs advice, it’ll help so much if you do your examen each night with as much honesty as possible.
 
Bineto, at the age of 23 you are not a “kid.” When my brother was just 16 he was on the front lines of Korea the middle of a “police action.” He was a real "kid. You are just digging yourself into a deep hole with all your justifications. And you also threatened another poster by daring that person to “come meet me.” Live in peace. There is enough turmoil in the world. Peace, peace, peace.
 
I’m sorry, I’ve read through this entire thread and I have to say, the heat that the OP is getting is not right. Perhaps he has said some things which upset some people, I will admit that. But, even though he seemingly doesn’t care, I can’t imagine how someone would feel being as victimized as he has. Frankly, I don’t think a post he made about “sucking up” to his professor to get good grades is indicative of what type of person he is. I think people are just put off by his obnoxious persona. Jesus never said anything about bumping up your grades with a smile on your face being immoral.

Even though this issue with your priest has passed, I must also say that I’m appauled a priest would act this way. Of course, I’m only going by your side. There are always two sides. But be that as it may, if this is really the way things went down, then the priest has commited the heavier sin. The bible tells us that more is expected of he who has more. I’d imagine that a priest with years of discernement, spiritual wisdom, education, and divine teaching definitely should be held to a higher standard than most other people. You both did wrong, but it is him who should have known better and acted in humility. Imagine if Jesus started throwing insults back at the Jews who were falsely accusing and mocking him.

I’m all for tough love. Sometimes I feel my priest is being way too lenient on some people. I’m sure he knows it too. But, dare I say, that is just who he is; a humble person. He cannot help but forgive and forget. To be frank, every priest should be of the same persona. Sure, there are times when the law needs to be laid down, perhaps even in extreme ways, but banning someone from the parish is unheard of.

And, at the risk of sounding like an apologist for the OP, it doesn’t sound to me that he did much wrong in saying what he said, if the things he said were actually true! (let’s assume, for argument’s sake, that they are). If other members of the parish really have been speaking negative things about this priest, and suggesting it may be best if he leaves, then I feel that the OP had every right to reveal this to him. Sure, he might have said it in an arrogant way to support himself, but if it really is true, then TC has done no wrong. As most responses have said themself; there’s nothing wrong with tough love. You told the priest the truth, even though it was perhaps a very ugly one for him to hear.

Of course, that’s assuming what you have said is true. To be honest, I’m assuming you’ve exxagerated your side of the story (perhaps unknowingly), which is a normal human reaction. But I just felt that, given the information you provided, people had no right to victimize you and hold you to a higher standard than a priest, especially since you didn’t actually insult him on a personal or untuthful level; you did nothing but tell him how other people felt about him, and that you feel that way as well. This doesn’t alleviate you of any wrongdoing, though. To be honest, I don’t know what you could’ve done instead. But lashing back out at him was probably not constructive.
 
Domiy said:
I’m sorry, I’ve read through this entire thread and I have to say, the heat that the OP is getting is not right. Perhaps he has said some things which upset some people, I will admit that. But, even though he seemingly doesn’t care, I can’t imagine how someone would feel being as victimized as he has. Frankly, I don’t think a post he made about “sucking up” to his professor to get good grades is indicative of what type of person he is. I think people are just put off by his obnoxious persona. Jesus never said anything about bumping up your grades with a smile on your face being immoral.

Even though this issue with your priest has passed, I must also say that I’m appauled a priest would act this way. Of course, I’m only going by your side. There are always two sides. But be that as it may, if this is really the way things went down, then the priest has commited the heavier sin. The bible tells us that more is expected of he who has more. I’d imagine that a priest with years of discernement, spiritual wisdom, education, and divine teaching definitely should be held to a higher standard than most other people. You both did wrong, but it is him who should have known better and acted in humility. Imagine if Jesus started throwing insults back at the Jews who were falsely accusing and mocking him.

I’m all for tough love. Sometimes I feel my priest is being way too lenient on some people. I’m sure he knows it too. But, dare I say, that is just who he is; a humble person. He cannot help but forgive and forget. To be frank, every priest should be of the same persona. Sure, there are times when the law needs to be laid down, perhaps even in extreme ways, but banning someone from the parish is unheard of.

And, at the risk of sounding like an apologist for the OP, it doesn’t sound to me that he did much wrong in saying what he said, if the things he said were actually true! (let’s assume, for argument’s sake, that they are). If other members of the parish really have been speaking negative things about this priest, and suggesting it may be best if he leaves, then I feel that the OP had every right to reveal this to him. Sure, he might have said it in an arrogant way to support himself, but if it really is true, then TC has done no wrong. As most responses have said themself; there’s nothing wrong with tough love. You told the priest the truth, even though it was perhaps a very ugly one for him to hear.

Of course, that’s assuming what you have said is true. To be honest, I’m assuming you’ve exxagerated your side of the story (perhaps unknowingly), which is a normal human reaction. But I just felt that, given the information you provided, people had no right to victimize you and hold you to a higher standard than a priest, especially since you didn’t actually insult him on a personal or untuthful level; you did nothing but tell him how other people felt about him, and that you feel that way as well. This doesn’t alleviate you of any wrongdoing, though. To be honest, I don’t know what you could’ve done instead. But lashing back out at him was probably not constructive.
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This is a great resolution to this thread. Thank you 🙂 You made my night tonight 😃
 
Binto said:
My priest, who has been my spiritual director for 2 years kicked me out of my college parish. We were having a spiritual direction meeting yesterday and I told him I missed mass last Sunday. He just snapped at me. I told him I confessed it to another priest before the meeting only because he wasn’t available that week. He didn’t care. He continued, in my judgement, to uncharitably attack my sin, even though I confessed it. He told me that I shouldn’t even be doing spiritual direction because I miss mass once in a blue moon. I’ve always struggled with going to mass every sunday, but I make it 90% of the time. He knows this too. He was so mad and, I tell you, the gentleness of the Holy Spirit was not with him. I finally told him that he was “peeing” me off and I said, quote, “No wonder so many Newman Center kids want you gone”. He said, “we’re done” and walked off.

I saw him in the office later and I wanted to speak to a nun on staff about it. He would let me takl to her. He also made it clear that I am not allowed on premises and am no longer allowed the Center’s privileges. It was one of the more frightening expieriences of my life, and it made me think, “This is why people leave the church”.

Any (name removed by moderator)ut, advice, or reflections?
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You’ve been meeting for two years–is it possible that after two years you’ve made no improvement regarding Mass attendance–and that perhaps he thought it was past time for gentleness and that he needed for you to wake up to the seriousness of just missing Mass because? Is it possible this was his attempt to wake you up (even if it was poorly executed)? Were you mad at him for his attitude toward the sin or were you mad because you were being called out on your sin? Is it possible he was not seeing any change in attitude toward the sin but just a taking for granted that you could confess if you missed and all would be o.k – i.e. no firm purpose of amendment and he thought you needed to be called out on this? It seems that there must be more to the story than just – I confessed I missed Mass and the priest lost his mind and kicked me out of the Newman Center. I feel like we’re missing some back story.

Regardless of whether or not the priest owes you an apology – I think you owe him one also and it shouldn’t be contingent on him apologizing first. His actions are between him and his confessor and between him and God and if they were unjust and uncalled for he will have to answer for them. You have no control over whether or not he apologizes. You’re concern should be your actions and words to a priest–the person in a position of authority over you. Perhaps reading some of the saints lives would help you–many have been mistreated by those in authority over them but accepted it. If I were you I would apologize and I would confess my actions. I would also pray for this priest. As a Christian we should be showing the love of Christ even to those who mistreat us.

The peace of Christ,
Mark
 
MarkInOregon said:
You’ve been meeting for two years–is it possible that after two years you’ve made no improvement regarding Mass attendance–and that perhaps he thought it was past time for gentleness and that he needed for you to wake up to the seriousness of just missing Mass because? Is it possible this was his attempt to wake you up (even if it was poorly executed)? Were you mad at him for his attitude toward the sin or were you mad because you were being called out on your sin? Is it possible he was not seeing any change in attitude toward the sin but just a taking for granted that you could confess if you missed and all would be o.k – i.e. no firm purpose of amendment and he thought you needed to be called out on this? It seems that there must be more to the story than just – I confessed I missed Mass and the priest lost his mind and kicked me out of the Newman Center. I feel like we’re missing some back story.

Regardless of whether or not the priest owes you an apology – I think you owe him one also and it shouldn’t be contingent on him apologizing first. His actions are between him and his confessor and between him and God and if they were unjust and uncalled for he will have to answer for them. You have no control over whether or not he apologizes. You’re concern should be your actions and words to a priest–the person in a position of authority over you. Perhaps reading some of the saints lives would help you–many have been mistreated by those in authority over them but accepted it. If I were you I would apologize and I would confess my actions. I would also pray for this priest. As a Christian we should be showing the love of Christ even to those who mistreat us.

The peace of Christ,
Mark
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I appreciate the response, but you have to admit, kicking me out of the parish was a little extreme. That’s really my main concern here. And you’re really not missing any backstory. He kicked me out cuz I told him a lot of the students didn’t like him; at least from my generation. The newer kids might think differently. I mean, this could be a wake up call from God to get my *** to mass. I really could be presuming. This could be an excuse, but I feel like missing Sunday mass is a genuine struggle for me. Idk. He was having a bad day. Can missing Sunday mass occasionally be a sin of habituation where the full consent of the will isn’t involved? I don’t know. I have a new spiritual director. I’ll talk to him about it. But kicking me out for that little spat was totally uncalled for; missing mass or not missing mass.
 
Everyone has an opinion and they are entitled to such. My real concern is that Binto actually threatened a responder when he challenged that person to “come meet him” in an aggressive manner. That post is back a ways, but you will find it. To me that indicates that Bento is hostile aggressive and that he has painted the canvas with a watery brush. It could be that the priest is afraid of this “kid,” afraid for others in the group and wants to avoid contact or conflict. There is something else at work here. Peace.
 
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