Graduation blues

[mkdl_v17]

On April 12, I am gonna graduate with a bachelor’s degree in Information Technology. I may receive the diploma and any special awards, but I feel like I’m not worthy yet to be touted as one of the best students in my university (being called as one of the best is an entirely subjective thing as far as I know) because of the many shortcomings I made towards myself, my fellow schoolmates, my professors, and even the entire university as a whole, in terms of academics, morals, and extra-curricular activities (even when there’s no documented violations).

I do not wish to feel any more guilty and punish myself any further, seeing that the Lenten season is all about self-denial and humility. Would those feelings I mentioned earlier qualify as mental anguish which can be offered to God? And, on the actual day of the graduation ceremonies, if schoolmates (from the student councils and fellow classmates) and old friends from high school (if they knew about the ceremonies) offer me congratulatory messages as I get my diploma, provided that they were sincere in their faith in God, would they be volunteering for me to accept God’s mercy and grace as per St. John Chrysostom:

Would you like to see God glorified by you? Then rejoice in your brother’s progress and you will immediately give glory to God. Because his servant could conquer envy by rejoicing in the merits of others, God will be praised.

 

[DexUK]

Did you do the work you were required to do by your professors?

Did you pass your exams?

If you did, then you can surely graduate with your head held high. Whatever failings you may feel you have in other areas of your life you can address at another time.

God gave us our critical faculties for a reason - so that we could use our brains and better ourselves. You have graduated with a degree. This should be - and is - a cause for a just celebration. You did the work. Well done!

Worry about other things later.

Modesty is a good thing. Recognising one’s faults is also good. But you shouldn’t go overboard in it - be thankful that God gave you such gifts as to be good at certain things. You shouldn’t be feeling anguish or undeserving. To be over-modest is to deny yourself and gets into the territory of denying God.

 

[chevalier]

Some other saint clearly said it would be a sin to disparage yourself falsely, so I wouldn’t like to overdo on false modesty. But it would be a great exercise to be silent about your own successes or achievements (or trials or failures) and basically focus on others, i.e. talk about their achievements, their successes and their tribulations, rejoice in their succeses, listen to them (people need a listening ear and it takes some humility to keep listening instead of wanting to be the one who talks), listen actively, comment.

Also, if you can with a clear conscience say you don’t deserve praise, then you can actually say that, but without omitting to thank the other person for his kindness. There is nothing wrong in saying that you feel undeserving (while even in accepting honours it’s good to defer to the judgement of one’s elders and superiors, I believe, instead of trying to play the humility card and stand out).

Also, if you feel undeserving, there’s even more reason to thank the university, the teachers and colleagues, and if you feel sorry for something, I guess there will be an opportunity to say that.

But you can accept that you need to thank for a lot and apologise for a lot without being depressed by self-loathing or low self-esteem!

You’ll soon have customers entrusting their IT problems into your hands and will be able to work on their trust.

 

[mkdl_v17]

I no longer have to say that I feel undeserving of my honors. I’ll just completely put my trust in Christ, no longer worrying on the past nor who’s better or worse. The graduation ceremony can extend to a sequence of reconciliation between me and my schoolmates!

It’s a undeniable fact that putting human beings as benchmarks for excellence and trying to punish myself severely for very small errs were wrong ideas.

PostScript: This time around, I’m gonna picture “Moon Over the Castle” (the Gran Turismo series theme) when I celebrate with my colleagues!