Granddaughter not being raised Catholic

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marypar

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My 43 yr old daughter has been away from the Church since College and only celebrates Christmas and Easter traditions and never goes to Mass or discusses religion with me. She had a Catholic education. She knows how devout I am, I pray for her and hope for the best as she gets older (my Confessor said praying for her is the best thing to do).

She now has a daughter who just turned 2 and mentioned baptizing her would only be to please me and my ex. I advised her to speak to a priest, and haven’t heard a thing since so I keep my mouth shut.

How do you devout grandparents handle your grandchildren during these holidays when your children don’t practice their faith? Do you buy your grandchildren easter candy, bunnies, eggs or just dismiss this stuff. Should I do this next year?

I have been giving my daughter and granddaughter Christmas gifts though.

Anyone relate to this?

Thank you
MaryAnn
 
I am in the same situation. My son and his wife are ok with me taking the children to mass (they frequently stay on the weekends). They are 6 and 4. They have always seen the crosses and other Christian decor in our house and have asked questions. We let them take children’s books about God and the Bible to keep them occupied. I do not let them go to the nursery. I feel that the exposure is important and the oldest does listen, sporadically, and asks questions. It is one step at a time and I am so grateful to help the children know God
 
My daughter quit practicing her religion back in 1999. I remember it well because she and her husband had a big problem and were divorced.

My grandson, who is now in college, was baptized. That was probably under question since they waited until he was a year old. Nonetheless, he was baptized.

He is not practicing Catholicism because he was never taken to church or CCD class.Once in a while, his stepfather and his mother took him to a non-denominational Sunday school. I don’t know if anything sunk in since he wasn’t even in school yet. Just preschool at day care.

We got together at Easter for a visit, and I usually bought him something. I bought him a little outfit one year and a Scooby-Doo another year. Of course there was the usual dyed eggs and jelly beans.

We would get together after I went to Mass.

We also gave each other Christmas presents. So, even without the religious context, we did gifts, etc. If nothing else is accomplished, at least we spent time together. Hopefully something will come up and things will change.
 
My daughter dropped out of Catholicism in high school. She claims she wants my 3 year old grandson baptized, but so far it’s all talk. She doesn’t mind if we take him to Mass (he loved getting ashes this year) or if I buy Catholic gifts for him, but so far she and my son-in-law, who is not Catholic, are not in any hurry to raise him Catholic. I give him Easter baskets and Christmas presents, but usually not too religious. We watch him during the week, so last year I got an Advent Calendar and he was very interested in opening the little doors all month. My pastor says don’t push it, so we don’t, but one can’t help but to be concerned.
 
marypar said:
My 43 yr old daughter has been away from the Church since College and only celebrates Christmas and Easter traditions and never goes to Mass or discusses religion with me. She had a Catholic education. She knows how devout I am, I pray for her and hope for the best as she gets older (my Confessor said praying for her is the best thing to do).

She now has a daughter who just turned 2 and mentioned baptizing her would only be to please me and my ex. I advised her to speak to a priest, and haven’t heard a thing since so I keep my mouth shut.

How do you devout grandparents handle your grandchildren during these holidays when your children don’t practice their faith? Do you buy your grandchildren easter candy, bunnies, eggs or just dismiss this stuff. Should I do this next year?

I have been giving my daughter and granddaughter Christmas gifts though.

Anyone relate to this?

Thank you
MaryAnn
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If it were me, I’d take your daughter up on having your granddaughter baptized as quickly as possible. She would then be Catholic, be a child of God with the indelible character on her soul, be free of original sin, and be open to the graces that God wishes to lavish upon her. Keep praying.

As for Easter and Christmas, I would do what I could to educate her about the real meaning of these feasts, how Our Lord Jesus Christ came from heaven especially to save us so that we might live with The Holy Trinity forever in heaven. Little ones don’t forget these lessons, and if she is raised with very little religious experience, she will never forget what her grandmother taught her. The presents are nice, but the real gift is the faith.
 
thank you all for responding.
I wouldn’t even dare ask my daughter if I can raise my faith to my granddaughter. Some of you are lucky you can take them to Mass and buy religious goods for them. My brother gave her a coloring book on the Bible, and that book has been missing from the house, so that hurt me too.

Funny thing is she wants to send her to Catholic School but put her in the non-Catholic class. I never knew non-Catholics can go to Catholic elementary school. Maybe if she does attend, something will happen and she will ask questions (my granddaughter that is).

But based on your responses, I guess I can give in and next year get her some Easter stuff and not just act non-responsive.

I accepted my daughter’s loss of Catholicism (but praying for her of course), but now that I have a granddaughter, it’s a whole new ballgame. But she is my daughter’s responsibility.

By the way, my son-in-law is non-practicing Jewish and my daughter doesn’t want her raised Jewish. I also see her twice and week and babysit all the time, so we are close in other ways.

I pray my daughter will go back to church some time in the future.

maryann
 
PattiDay said:
If it were me, I’d take your daughter up on having your granddaughter baptized as quickly as possible. She would then be Catholic, be a child of God with the indelible character on her soul, be free of original sin, and be open to the graces that God wishes to lavish upon her. Keep praying.
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No. A child should only be baptised if there is hope of a Catholic upbringing.

Marypar, maybe when your granddaughter starts school, you could ask your daughter if you would be allowed to talk to her about Catholicism, since she would be going to a Catholic school? It is possible your daughter may start to relax when her child goes to school and has questions, because then it is your granddaughter who wants to learn more. It wouldn’t then be a case of you trying to persuade your daughter.

Lou
 
I would give her chocolate eggs or what ever I could, first asking her mom’s permission. 1) It shows you are being respectful of her and her husband’s beliefs and 2) it shows your g.daughter that you do consider Easter as a special time worth celebrating. When she’s older, she will remember her special grandma who loved Easter.

Hugs to you. I know you wished for so much more for your daughter, her marriage, and family. Jesus, I trust in You! God bless.
 
How about saying okay then lets baptize her to please you?? Grandparents have a unique position in their grandchildrens lives… They can say things about the faith in hopes to make their grandchildren aware of Jesus Christ… YOU can always witness to your grandchild, and your child till one day they might actually believe that what you are saying has wisdom… Don’t ever underestimate how much your children do listen to you even though it may not seem like it… It’s those little seeds of faith you want to plant and never stop praying for them…🙂
 
Karen107 said:
How about saying okay then lets baptize her to please you?? Grandparents have a unique position in their grandchildrens lives… They can say things about the faith in hopes to make their grandchildren aware of Jesus Christ… YOU can always witness to your grandchild, and your child till one day they might actually believe that what you are saying has wisdom… Don’t ever underestimate how much your children do listen to you even though it may not seem like it… It’s those little seeds of faith you want to plant and never stop praying for them…🙂
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Again, no. You don’t baptise a child just to please someone else, you baptise a child because you believe in that faith and want to raise them in it. A grandparent can influence their grandchild’s faith, but they cannot raise a child in a faith unless they live with their grandchild and they have permission from the parents. At this moment in time, the OP does not have the permission of the parents to teach her granddaughter about her faith, and the parents should not let their child receive a sacrament when the obligations that come with it will not be fulfilled.

Lou
 
Be extremely careful…especially with the gift giving.

My MIL is an evangelical Protestant and has been trying to evangelize her atheist Daughter and grandchildren. It has NOT gone over well, at all.

My SIL and her eldest daughter have complained about it to me quite a bit.

I see it as a direct intrusion of their parenting. You can disagree all you want and be correct…but, it’s not against the law to not raise any child in a faith.

I know you mean well and are very concerned for her and your grandchild’s souls. Believe me…I’m the only practicing Catholic on my side of the family and it’s very frustrating. My sister hasn’t set foot inside a Church since she baptized her son almost 2 years ago (and, despite baptizing him Catholic…she has no desire to raise him in the faith).
My parents go to Church on Christmas and Easter with my husband, me and our children and are kind enough to say Grace at meals for my daughters benefit, it they are babysitting them.

If I were to give my nephew a religious gift…it would be for a religious occasion (IMHO, Christmas and Easter count) but I would ask my sister first if she found it appropriate. If not…I don’t intrude.
Usually, if it’s Christmas coming up…I’ll call my sister and ask what she needs or wants from him…if she gives me a suggestion…I get that and nothing else. If she is unsure and doesn’t give me a suggestion…I will say…“well, I found this adorable stuffed lamb that plays the Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be…would you like me to buy that for him?”
Usually she gets uncomfortable and says no, thank-you.

Now, she has picked up on my intentions and will tell me what to get him for religious holidays. That is fine. I don’t want to undermine her intentions and how she raises her child.

So, I pray for them daily and move on.
 
Please…DO NOT under any circumstances…baptize that child yourself.

If your daughter finds out…you’ll probably lose your privilege as a Grandparent.

I know if my in-laws or parents did anything to my children, behind my back, even if it’s a “good thing” in their opinion…they’d lose their Grandchildren.
 
Lou2U said:
Again, no. You don’t baptise a child just to please someone else, you baptise a child because you believe in that faith and want to raise them in it. A grandparent can influence their grandchild’s faith, but they cannot raise a child in a faith unless they live with their grandchild and they have permission from the parents. At this moment in time, the OP does not have the permission of the parents to teach her granddaughter about her faith, and the parents should not let their child receive a sacrament when the obligations that come with it will not be fulfilled.

Lou
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But wait, I never said that the child be baptized without the parents permission. And sometimes it is the grandparents who raise the grandchildren up in the faith… Lots of grandparents do take their children to mass and teach them what they need to know. I remember my grandmother always saying God bless, all the time… 🙂 Baptism is the door to heaven so take away obstacles and let the spirit of God take over in that family. Do not hinder the Child from coming to Jesus… . Perhaps it would be the child that leads the parents back to the Church…Perhaps even that child may even become a Priest one day…A question not asked always gets the same result, no…Come on folks think outside of the box… A childs salvation doesn’t have to be dependent on the faith of the parents it’s the childs life we’re talking about… Under NORMAL circumstances that’s great, but this day in age, nothing appears to be normal…😉
 
Karen107 said:
But wait, I never said that the child be baptized without the parents permission. And sometimes it is the grandparents who raise the grandchildren up in the faith… Lots of grandparents do take their children to mass and teach them what they need to know. I remember my grandmother always saying God bless, all the time… 🙂 Baptism is the door to heaven so take away obstacles and let the spirit of God take over in that family. Do not hinder the Child from coming to Jesus… . Perhaps it would be the child that leads the parents back to the Church…Perhaps even that child may even become a Priest one day…A question not asked always gets the same result, no…Come on folks think outside of the box… A childs salvation doesn’t have to be dependent on the faith of the parents it’s the childs life we’re talking about… Under NORMAL circumstances that’s great, but this day in age, nothing appears to be normal…😉
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This is true and you are correct.

My memories of the faith were through my mothers parents. They took my sister and I to Church. They gave us lovely Crucifix necklaces for our first communion. They said Grace at meals and were great examples of the faith.

However, my parents let them do this. We’d stay at my Grandparents on Saturdays and attend Church in the morning.

My parents were not practicing Catholics but they didn’t raise us with Atheism either.

This approach can work if the parents are open to the idea and have given permission to do so.

I’d be livid if my MIL decided to take my children to her Church for service and began feeding them ideas that the Catholic faith is in error.
She’d argue that she’d be doing it to protect the souls of her grandchildren.
She’d no longer be allowed to watch my children alone if she ever pulled something like that.
 
OP here,

When someone asked my daughter if she was going to raise my granddaughter in any religion, she said just “tradition.” I guess that means her way of celebrating Christmas and Easter is not in a religious way but a holiday way.

So for now, my mouth will remain closed and keep praying she will change.

I will continue with the Christmas gifts and maybe next Easter begin the basket/gifts for my granddaughter.
 
marypar said:
My 43 yr old daughter has been away from the Church since College and only celebrates Christmas and Easter traditions and never goes to Mass or discusses religion with me. She had a Catholic education. She knows how devout I am, I pray for her and hope for the best as she gets older (my Confessor said praying for her is the best thing to do).

She now has a daughter who just turned 2 and mentioned baptizing her would only be to please me and my ex. I advised her to speak to a priest, and haven’t heard a thing since so I keep my mouth shut.

How do you devout grandparents handle your grandchildren during these holidays when your children don’t practice their faith? Do you buy your grandchildren easter candy, bunnies, eggs or just dismiss this stuff. Should I do this next year?

I have been giving my daughter and granddaughter Christmas gifts though.

Anyone relate to this?

Thank you
MaryAnn
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You might want to also find out the other grandparents feelings on faith and having your grandchild baptized. Maybe suggestions from both sets of grandparents and offering to help with the process might take some of those barriers away that keep them from baptizing. You can also remind them how baptism is tied into salvation. If they love you and respect you as the childs grandparent they just might listen… Anyway just keep praying like you have been.God bless you all…🙂
 
Karen107 said:
You might want to also find out the other grandparents feelings on faith and having your grandchild baptized. Maybe suggestions from both sets of grandparents and offering to help with the process might take some of those barriers away that keep them from baptizing. You can also remind them how baptism is tied into salvation. If they love you and respect you as the childs grandparent they just might listen… Anyway just keep praying like you have been.God bless you all…🙂
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I strongly recommend the OP NOT do this. This is NOT her child. It is NOT her responsibility to see that the child is baptized, nor is it appropriate for her to give unsolicited parenting advice. This could quite possibly result in her seeing even less of her GC.

The most appropriate response, in this situation, seems to be to pray. If the child becomes old enough to ask questions about grandparents’ religious practices, THEN the grandparent can answer them. If the child expresses a desire to become Catholic, the grandparent should indicate that that is a discussion for the child to have with the parents.
 
His_helpmeet said:
I strongly recommend the OP NOT do this. This is NOT her child. It is NOT her responsibility to see that the child is baptized, nor is it appropriate for her to give unsolicited parenting advice. This could quite possibly result in her seeing even less of her GC.

The most appropriate response, in this situation, seems to be to pray. If the child becomes old enough to ask questions about grandparents’ religious practices, THEN the grandparent can answer them. If the child expresses a desire to become Catholic, the grandparent should indicate that that is a discussion for the child to have with the parents.
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There again it depends on the relationship one has with their grown children and how much they are open to having their child baptized. Sometimes when friends are having their babies baptized it makes the parents think about it. The discussions with my son about his faith began long before he became a father, but it was the mother in law I believe who convinced her daughter that she should have her child baptized.
 
Just looked back at that comment where Mary said the son was unpracticing Jewish. That could very well be the obstacle for that to happen. Still, I believe that discussion about faith is important to have. My niece who married someone who is Jewish and had their marriage blessed in the Catholic Church… Her husband surprised her last Christmas and set it all up with her family flown in as witnesses. She’s about to have their fourth child. Keeping the dialogue open without being pushy does help. Being there as loving parents and grandparents first is key. I hope it works out Mary, I know how stressful it can be to want your children and grandchildren to be people of faith. God bless…
 
Another big thank you to everyone.

I will just pray for them and if I am approached in any way for help or advice, I’ll be there. My daughter knows how devout I am but talking to her is very uncomfortable for me.

I think of St. Monica praying for St. Augustine - it took about 14 years of prayer and they were answered to more than she ever could have imagined…

Hope everyone had a nice Easter. We watched Son of God (love that film).

MaryAnn
 
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