Grandmother of my single daughter's nine year old son

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barbara_glackin

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Is it ever right to suggest her boundaries are weak and she needs to help him to behave better. I have asked her to have him tested for ADHD I am afraid no one is going to want to be around him and he will become too much for her. Am I wrong to say anything about her discipline. I pray for them everyday at mass.
 
should I ever make suggestions or comment on my single daughter parenting or lack thereof
 
Sounds a little complicated… But…sadly her house her rules…goes for anyones house…
All you can really do is mention the subject in passing… Make a generalised comment
about the boy… Don’t point out specifics,of what your thinking… otherwise it may blow up in your face… and that’s what your trying to avoid…
Good Luck.
 
It is a hard thing for us parents to learn to allow our grown children to make their own mistakes, isn’t it?

But there it is: this is your daughter’s son, and you have no authority in this situation unless they live with you. If your husband or another male relative were able to *offer *to do things with your grandson, that would probably be one good thing.

Or you could do is to offer to take him on outings with you as often as you can and set firm boundaries there (when your daughter is not around).

If it is possible for you to “give as a gift to your grandson” something like karate lessons or being on a soccor team and this would be all right with your daughter, that might be helpful, esp if there are men in charge.

But prayer is the very strongest thing you can do. You would be calling on our all-powerful Lord to help with this problem!
 
barbara_glackin said:
Is it ever right to suggest her boundaries are weak and she needs to help him to behave better. I have asked her to have him tested for ADHD I am afraid no one is going to want to be around him and he will become too much for her. Am I wrong to say anything about her discipline. I pray for them everyday at mass.
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As to having him tested for ADHD, does he attend school? Does he have problems there?
 
Thank you for your reply.

My grandson has just joined pee wee football and is enjoying the male comardarie?

He is very easily distracted and talks a lot but gets straight A’s in school. Teachers haven’t mentioned ADHD but it runs in our family.He is very attracted to those kids though in school and otherwise.
thanks again.
 
Phil_Marinus said:
Sounds a little complicated… But…sadly her house her rules…goes for anyones house…
Click to expand...
Not necessarily. By age 9 your grandson is able to understand there are different rules in different settings: classroom, playground, home. You can set the rules for your house. You can also let your daughter and grandchild know what your rules are. My mom had her rules, my mother-in-law had hers. My children were reminded about them before they went.
 
Love. Your rules when with you and keep your opinions to yourself. One of my great granddaughters has a ton of energy and is easily distracted and I would never label her. Love your grandson just the way he is !
 
my concern for my daughter and grandson is because I do love them and want to do right by them. I am a retired psychiatric nurse, adolescent unit. .I see what happens when such things go unaddressed for whatever reason. For me, to sweep the possibility that he could be under the rug is not loving .If it is a possibility it needs to be addressed before he gets into adolescence, which has its own problems. I don’t regret I planted the seed and made my daughter aware especially with the family history. I intend to keep any further opinions to myself and to place she and my grandson under God’s protection. I did not know what God wanted me to do with the situation , though I pray I do His will with my life daily at the consecration., and for my daughter and grandson. Next confession I will ask a priest.
 
“I am a retired psychiatric nurse, adolescent unit.”

That’s very good. It’s also very good that your grandson is getting straight As. That’s a good sign. (Although one thing that I’ve heard of is that at some point, ADHD kids sort of hit the wall academically. It can happen at pretty much any academic level that the organizational demands overstrain their abilities, so keep your eye out for any signs that his academics are faltering.)

I think it all depends how good your relationship is with your daughter how much you can talk to her about it. Also, she may take it better if you share a (short, simple) book with her on ADHD. If you talk to her about your concerns, the biggest thing to bear in mind is not to say anything that sounds like criticism of her or her parenting. Keep the focus on your grandson and how knowing what you know about psychiatric issues in children, it would set your mind at ease if your daughter would allow you to pay for a private evaluation for your grandson. You can mention that it won’t be just looking for problems–you’ll probably get a very thorough evaluation of his intellectual powers, strengths and weaknesses, which could be very helpful in a variety of different ways.

Best wishes!
 
I see that you have seen a lot of what can go wrong, and this may raise more fears than for the average person.

One thing I have read about is that in 4th grade, children whose academic skills are weak will start floundering. In lower grades, their skills are not as tested as they are starting in 4th grade. In 4th grade is when teachers start expecting them to read textbooks for information more than for just practicing reading.

So esp keep an eye on him this year.

You might also look into Mel Levine’s book One Mind at a Time, which you should be able to get at the library or through inter-library loan. It may help you understand some of the ways that educators evaluate students.
 
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