Grandmother Who's Losing Her Memory, Need Advice Addressing Particular Situation

[Latinitas]

Hi everyone,

My grandmother, who’s going to turn 92 this July, lives with us at our house, and has done so for the past 20 years or so. While she’s always been a little difficult in some areas, and weird in other ways, our family has noticed that her memory has declined significantly. We don’t know for sure if it’s Alzheimer’s disease or dimentia or just senility, but it’s noticeable.

Now we have to give her a pill at night for her incontinence. Unfortunately, she often says someone else gave her the pill already, when no one did (and of course, sometimes it is true, so we always have to check; this shows her memory problems). If we (by we, I mean, either I or my mom or dad) tell her that no one gave her the pill, she gets quite angry and insist that someone did. None of us really know how to deal with this.

I have a bit more patience with her than my mom or dad, so they often send me in there to help, but I don’t really have any good ideas as to what to do. She really needs this medicine, or else she gets infections.

Any suggestions?

Benedicat Deus,
Latinitas

 

[Convert_in_99]

Hi everyone,

My grandmother, who’s going to turn 92 this July, lives with us at our house, and has done so for the past 20 years or so. While she’s always been a little difficult in some areas, and weird in other ways, our family has noticed that her memory has declined significantly. We don’t know for sure if it’s Alzheimer’s disease or dimentia or just senility, but it’s noticeable.

Now we have to give her a pill at night for her incontinence. Unfortunately, she often says someone else gave her the pill already, when no one did (and of course, sometimes it is true, so we always have to check; this shows her memory problems). If we (by we, I mean, either I or my mom or dad) tell her that no one gave her the pill, she gets quite angry and insist that someone did. None of us really know how to deal with this.

I have a bit more patience with her than my mom or dad, so they often send me in there to help, but I don’t really have any good ideas as to what to do. She really needs this medicine, or else she gets infections.

Any suggestions?

Benedicat Deus,
Latinitas

Could you keep the pills in a seven day pill reminder? That way it is known for certain whether or not she had her pill for the day?

 

[mommy_k]

I like writing things down when giving the kids medicine, so to be sure, you may try this with your grandmother.

If it angers her that she thinks she took it already I would not argue. Just gently tell her the doctor said she needs to take this other pill too, or tell her it is a vitamin. (I know it’s a fib, but I think it’s kinder then to upset her).

I am sure some people would say this is a lie and if feel this way ask your priest before doing it.

 

[Convert_in_99]

Can the pill be crushed and put in something like pudding?

 

[Latinitas]

Wow. Thanks for the quick and thoughtful responses.

We have no problem ensuring whether the pill was taken or not. It just upsets her if she thinks she’s taken it already. Unfortunately, although her memory is bad, it’s not so bad that we can tell her a doctor told her to take the medicine. Her memory works for somethings quite well, in other things not as much.

I’m just wondering what we can do to help her take the pill. The pudding suggestion is a good idea, I’ll have to discuss it with my parents.

Benedicat Deus,
Latinitas

 

[Allegra]

Unless your grandmother already eats pudding every night before bedtime, I think she may get suspicious. How do you think she got your mom or dad to take medication when they were toddlers?

 

[RPRPsych]

Wow. Thanks for the quick and thoughtful responses.

We have no problem ensuring whether the pill was taken or not. It just upsets her if she thinks she’s taken it already. Unfortunately, although her memory is bad, it’s not so bad that we can tell her a doctor told her to take the medicine. Her memory works for somethings quite well, in other things not as much.

I’m just wondering what we can do to help her take the pill. The pudding suggestion is a good idea, I’ll have to discuss it with my parents.

Benedicat Deus,
Latinitas

You might want to check with your physician if this pill is available in a dispersible or liquid format. That would simplify things considerably.

 

[truetofaith]

Could you keep the pills in a seven day pill reminder? That way it is known for certain whether or not she had her pill for the day?

This is the best solution…show your grandma she still has a pill in the box for that day.

 

[EasterJoy]

This is the best solution…show your grandma she still has a pill in the box for that day.

I think this could work for helping her to convince you that she has taken her medication.

As in: Grandma, we keep upsetting you with this all the time. We got a 7-day pill box for your nighttime pills. That way, when you’ve taken your pill and you know you’ve taken your pill, you can show us you took it, and if you haven’t, there won’t be any question about that, either.

Having said that, if she has dementia (which is any loss of previously-attained mental capacity), logic will not do the trick. You’ll have to resort to “humor me, Grandma.” The main thing is to try to imply that you know sometimes you are wrong and frustrate her, too.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

I think this could work for helping her to convince you that she has taken her medication.

As in: Grandma, we keep upsetting you with this all the time. We got a 7-day pill box for your nighttime pills. That way, when you’ve taken your pill and you know you’ve taken your pill, you can show us you took it, and if you haven’t, there won’t be any question about that, either.

Having said that, if she has dementia (which is any loss of previously-attained mental capacity), logic will not do the trick. You’ll have to resort to “humor me, Grandma.” The main thing is to try to imply that you know sometimes you are wrong and frustrate her, too.

Right, approach her with this solution as though this as though you don’t want to make any mistakes yourself, and that this will help keep tabs on you too.

One way to bring it up each night is to say, “Hey Grandma, it’s 8:00/medicine time. Let’s check your pill box and see if you still have to take any meds for tonight.” And then either have her open it, or open it with her so she can see it. “Oh yes, it’s still here. Better take it now then.”

 

[ejlo1]

My uncle used to have an automatic pill dispenser that rang a little alarm when it was time for him to take his meds. It’s probably overkill for your grandmother at this point, but maybe something to keep in mind for later.

 

[EasterJoy]

Right, approach her with this solution as though this as though you don’t want to make any mistakes yourself, and that this will help keep tabs on you too.

One way to bring it up each night is to say, “Hey Grandma, it’s 8:00/medicine time. Let’s check your pill box and see if you still have to take any meds for tonight.” And then either have her open it, or open it with her so she can see it. “Oh yes, it’s still here. Better take it now then.”

Dementia can get to the point where the box has to be kept where Grandma cannot easily reach it. There are few things harder than dealing with a person who is physically but not rationally capable. It’s like dealing with a seeing sleep walker. You never know what random inexplicable thing they might do, you’re always afraid they’re going to harm themselves, they can get very angry because they think they understand their situation very well (just as any of us might do in the midst of a weird dream) and it is impossible to anticipate what they are going to say or think. It is very exhausting.

It is unfortunate for the patient to decline further, but things can actually get easier for everyone when their memory goes to the point that they can no longer remember what they were mad about or intent on accomplishing 10 minutes ago. A person with moderate dementia might be angry a lot of the time, because (as I used to say about my mom), “every day is a Monday.” Things go wrong and they can’t see why, people treat them like they are idiots, no one keeps them up on the conversation, and it seems like every day is a “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.” When they are a bit worse, sometimes they don’t remember what went wrong that day, and they act and feel happier. Worse for them, but maybe not?

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

Dementia can get to the point where the box has to be kept where Grandma cannot easily reach it.

Also very true. In fact, any time someone is forgetting and arguing about it, I’d be concerned about this. Even in these cases, you can still often bring the box and let them look, and speak about it as though she has some control over the situation. Not forever, or with all people - depends on how oriented and argumentative they are - and also evening is harder than morning for many people with dementia.

There are few things harder than dealing with a person who is physically but not rationally capable. It’s like dealing with a seeing sleep walker. You never know what random inexplicable thing they might do, you’re always afraid they’re going to harm themselves, they can get very angry because they think they understand their situation very well (just as any of us might do in the midst of a weird dream) and it is impossible to anticipate what they are going to say or think. It is very exhausting.

It is unfortunate for the patient to decline further, but things can actually get easier for everyone when their memory goes to the point that they can no longer remember what they were mad about or intent on accomplishing 10 minutes ago. A person with moderate dementia might be angry a lot of the time, because (as I used to say about my mom), “every day is a Monday.” Things go wrong and they can’t see why, people treat them like they are idiots, no one keeps them up on the conversation, and it seems like every day is a “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.” When they are a bit worse, sometimes they don’t remember what went wrong that day, and they act and feel happier. Worse for them, but maybe not?

True, and true. In general, the more in control people with dementia feel, the less combative they are. It may be because they feel respected, or because it is comforting to have control. It doesn’t mean you actually give control to someone who doesn’t have the ability to handle it; it’s more about how you frame things and the effect it has on their feelings of being in control, or their feelings of being respected or empathized with.

 

[Latinitas]

My uncle used to have an automatic pill dispenser that rang a little alarm when it was time for him to take his meds. It’s probably overkill for your grandmother at this point, but maybe something to keep in mind for later.

This would be great. Do you know where you got it?

Thanks to all the rest for the replies. Unfortunately, she already has a daily pill dispenser, but she doesn’t always remember to take it, and she really needs this medicine, so we can’t let that happen. The alarm though would be great, though.

Benedicat Deus,
Latinitas