Gravity of attending a same sex marriage

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Chabambou

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There’s no confusion that attending a ssm is sinful. How grave is it, is the question. I’m asking because I imagine there are a lot of people out there who think the gay lifestyle is a sin, but would want to go to a ssm because of the usual ‘i don’t agree what they do but i don’t want to offend my friend, and as long as they’re happy…’
Truth be told, 2 family members of mine might go to such an event. I spoke to them about what I think, and explained to them about how it’s a sin, but…shrug…
So it got me thinking how everyone manages such situations, and if they go then how sinful is it for being a guest.
 
There’s the real issue that your presence will be seen as endorsement, and therefore scandal.
Especially because this is just a friend, not your child, for instance.
 
I am actually going to take advice for this myself - my nephew is gay and in his mid 20s and has always said he would get married if he met the right person. He has started having rships As the only practicing Catholic in the family what should I do if this situation arose ? Not attending would without a doubt deeply upset my sister in law (his mother) if I didn’t go. So is attending a ssm a sin all of the time ? (For the record I mentioned during confession that I had in the past attended a ssm service and send a gift to another one and Father said ‘there’s nothing wrong with showing love to people’ so 🤷‍♀️ )
 
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My disclaimer: I am NOT a theologian. In about 99.99% of cases, I would not go because I don’t want to give scandal.

However.

I did hear a priest on EWTN say that if it were your child, to discern like crazy because of the risk of scandal both to that child and to others in attendance.

That being said, I know a RL case where a woman was married and had children. The second time around she “married” a woman. She hinted strongly (blackmailed) her deeply religious and Catholic mother that if she didn’t come to the wedding she’s never see the grandbabies again. So Catholic grandma decided to go, because there was no other Catholic influence in the children’s lives, and she was afraid they’d be cut off from the Church completely.

However, it didn’t go so well because apparently Catholic lady cried through the ceremony and reception and nobody thought it was tears of joy.

Again, I’m not saying this as an endorsement.
 
But going by that guideline, prolly the EWTN priest would say the Aunt relationship is not like the mother-daughter-grandchildren relationship on complexity or gravity
 
So in any case (family or friends) it’s considered a mortal sin to attend as a guest?
 
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We can never ever give our approval to sin.
In the case of this lady it was clear to all and sundry she was there under duress.
 
Oh yeah it’s not even a sin at all if she was under duress. But for those who chose to go is it mortal or venial?
 
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Risk of scandal #1: People will think that as a result of your presence at a family wedding the Catholic Church thinks gay sex is fine. Likelihood: unless your family has dramatically low general knowledge, extremely low. About as likely as the happy couple changing their mind because you didn’t come.

Risk of scandal #2: People will think you are an unloving, judgemental, uncaring person who thinks your religious beliefs should be practised by everyone, at least while they are graced with the blessing of your presence. Likelihood: close to 100%.

Take your pick.
 
If it were me personally, I’d choose the second option. Truly I would, because I know that they are mistaken in their thinking that I’m hateful. They would have to learn the truth hopefully before the time they are in front of His judgement seat.
As for my family members, obviously I can’t choose for them. The only thing I can do is pray I guess.
 
FiveLinden said:
Risk of scandal #1: People will think that as a result of your presence at a family wedding the Catholic Church thinks gay sex is fine
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Not quite—people will think YOU approve.
Somebody weak in the faith may very well think “so and so who’s a good Catholic approves, so it must be okay. See? No big deal.”
 
Also on a slightly off topic, these kind of scenarios are eerily similar to the first scenarios of the early Christians, whether to sacrifice your faith by giving incense to idols or sacrifice yourself and your family (bodily). The idols have changed, but the temptations and trials have not. The only difference is we are threatened with a tarnished reputation.
 
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And you know what else is gong to become an issue?

Whether or not you attend a physician assisted suicide of a family member.

But that’s a rabbit trail for another time.
 
This is exactly the dilemma. What I might do would be go to the evening party thing ? Would that be as bad? I mean heck this may not happen but my hunch is it will
 
Under sins against the 8th commandment, the CCC says:
2480 Every word or attitude is forbidden which by flattery, adulation, or complaisance encourages and confirms another in malicious acts and perverse conduct. Adulation is a grave fault if it makes one an accomplice in another’s vices or grave sins. Neither the desire to be of service nor friendship justifies duplicitous speech. Adulation is a venial sin when it only seeks to be agreeable, to avoid evil, to meet a need, or to obtain legitimate advantages.
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So I’d say it was a grave sin if you assisted in the wedding in some way-- or maybe even attending is considered being an accomplice? Maybe it could be considered trying “to be agreeable,” I’m not sure. Maybe it’s comparable to buying an alcoholic a drink, vs not saying anything when you see him drinking at a party? What would make you an accomplice?
 
I think the word accomplice means to actively partake, as in organizing the wedding or being a bridesmaid. Being a guest is more like a passive attendance, it shows your approval as a witness, but not active to be an accomplice, so to speak. So the case of being a guest is probably adulation, therefore venial .
But I’m open for correction, because I’m keeping in mind this is about celebrating a grave sin of a ‘couple’.
 
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Have you spoken to your parish priest about this? Maybe he can talk about ways of getting out of the scenario?
 
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There are two quite different concepts we describe as marriage. One is a lifelong union between a man and a woman and for Catholics reinforced by a sacrament. The other is a revocable arrangement organised by the state that sometimes involves same sex couples. While Americans like to get excited about gay sex, the Catholic Church teaches that sexual activity is sinful outside of a lifelong marriage and open to the possibility of children. The concept of gay marriage may be repugnant to us: so should be marriage where one party is divorced (serial polygamy) or where the couple have indicated their intention to avoid having children. The extent to which gay sex, extramarital sex, divorced sex or contracepted sex is sinful depends upon the moral background of those engaged in it. All are clearly against the teaching of the Catholic Church, but are they necessarily sinful for those who are not Catholic or not Christian? There is a strong moral principle that you cannot sin by accident.

It is not the task of any Catholic (or at least any Catholic layman) to enquire into the bedroom habits of others. If attending a gay marriage is sinful because it indicates that the couple may indulge in activity forbidden by the Church, so also is attending the marriage of divorced couples. Should we, before attending a Catholic wedding ask for a declaration by the couple that they don’t intend to use contraception? While I don’t know how they obtained the data, it has been claimed that a majority of married American Catholics have used some form of contraception - in which case we should avoid weddings altogether.
 
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