What if all of the objections and barriers that I perceive are real. What if God doesn’t allow me a personal experience. I’m honestly most worried that this will all turn out to be for nothing and I will have spent my life trying to do what’s right and have it be for nothing.
Do you at least believe that there is good and evil? If you do, and you spend your life trying to do what’s right, it will not all be for nothing. The good you do for family, friend and neighbor will have a part, no matter how small, in shaping their perception and belief in the good and they will use that to influence others. Doing good is never all for nothing.
Here are some quotes about doubt that I hope will comfort you a little and that you should spend some time thinking about- I think that what you’re going through and what you are experiencing now is because when you come out the other side, your faith is going to be rock solid. You’re being forged and formed in the furnace of doubt but it will be something beautiful in the end if you persevere.
Pierre Abelard: “The beginning of wisdom is found in doubting; by doubting we come to the question, and by seeking we may come upon the truth.”
Gordon Allport: “The mature religious sentiment is ordinarily fashioned in the workshop of doubt.”
St. Augustine: “Doubt is but another element of faith.”
Flannery O’Connor “Don’t expect faith to clear things up for you. It is trust, not
certainty.”
Wilson Mizner “I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.”
You’re not having doubts and questions because God is far from you. It is a sure sign He is near. The Hound of Heaven is pursuing you. To paraphrase a line of the poem “Is your gloom, after all, [simply the] shade of His hand, outstretched caressingly?”