Grief, consolation and Catholicism

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Come 1 am tomorrow morning it will be 5 weeks since my mom passed away. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last August. Just before that I gotten back to attending daily mass. Back then I was full of hope, certain that we would beat this disease. As time passed, we suffered set back after set back, but still I went to daily mass, faithfully writing my mom into the book of the prayers of the faithful, still full of hope.

Still, nothing went our way.

We had planned on spending Easter in Montana with mother since last Easter. Mom says she doesn’t like temperatures higher than her age so, since Easter came so late this year we broke our tradition of celebrating Easter in Arizona.

A few months out, even though we never got a prognosis, I did the math and calculated that we would be very fortunate if mother was still alive at Easter. Then Lent started and I started to climb that awful hill.

Lent took on a different meaning. Praying the Stations of the Cross took on a different reality then they had in years past. It was easy to see the suffering Christ in my suffering mother.

As Easter grew closer it seemed as if mom would pass away during Holy Week. The last day I went to daily mass I had given up. Instead of asking for a full cure in the book of intentions I asked the Lord to hold and keep her. I’d pretty much given up hope.

continued…
 
Mom had quit taking food or water and hadn’t gotten out of bed for a few days before we arrived on Holy Thursday. I spent the next 5 days with her, watching her breathe and slowly wither away. Mom passed early in the morning on the first Thursday after Easter. She held on longer than anyone thought she would.

The priest who heard my confession on Good Friday told me that having a parent die during Easter is like having a child at Christmas. It is a blessing. As I went to mass and sat in the pews listening to these amazing stories about rising from the dead and life everlasting it gave me peace. It was still incredibly sad and painful to watch my mom go through this process but the thought of the Resurrection somehow made it bearable.

Mom was the only other Catholic besides me on my side of the family so her loss made me feel numb and withdrawn. I didn’t want to hear from anyone unless they believed in the Resurrection. The great atheists in m;y family were of no avail to me. There’s only so much they can say and it’s not that helpful. Fortunately, I have a good support system with my church family at home. They have been great.

Eventually, as my mother did so many times, I dusted myself off and got back to my life as a happy and productive person. The Easter season is a good time to mourn a loved one, the readings all seem to point to something more hopeful than what I had just experienced. and now, as we approach Pentecost I’m ready to take this loss I have suffered and let it bring me to new life.

I don’t know what it is about Catholicism. During these past 8 months it’s the one thing that has kept me patched together. This is why I believe the Church and the mass are divine in their origins. They continue to speak to whatever condition my condition is in. If my faith is a fairy tale (as my step mother says) then I don’t know of any other fairy tale I’d rather live my life by.

This faith of ours truly is a mystery.
 
I’m glad you found consolation in the Church. Your step mom sounds like a sad case. I’ll pray for her.

Without getting into my whole long story, I’m glad I was back to active practice and frequent prayer well before my husband died. I don’t know how I would have coped, or be coping even now, without that. I got all kind of referrals from his employer and my employer for “grief counseling” which was the last thing I wanted to do. I just wanted to be with Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the saints. They’re the only ones who can really help. Also if they’re the ones who Mother Angelica, Mother Teresa, Archbishop Sheen, Teresa of Avila and all the other great saints turned to, why would I even want to look anyplace else.

(Not knocking counseling if it helps someone else, but it is not and has never been for me.)
 
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tad said:
If my faith is a fairy tale (as my step mother says) then I don’t know of any other fairy tale I’d rather live my life by.
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This!

My mother passed away the week before lent began this year. It was a rough lenten season that got off to a rocky start in that I missed mass on Ash Wednesday due to sloppy time tracking on my part. Her funeral was on the Monday prior to Ash Wednesday. By the time I realized it was Wednesday, let alone Ash Wednesday, I had eaten 3 full meals and 2 of them included meat. 😦

I spent the remainder of the Lenten season on track, but grieving and working with my siblings to sell her house, settle her estate. Easter came around and it was an odd day. Our tradition changed from meeting at mom’s for dinner to going out to a restaurant.

Life does indeed go on, we put one foot in front of the other, picking up the pieces of our lives and carrying on. While I miss her every day, I know she’s in a better place, she’s no longer trapped in an 87-year old body that no longer does what she wants it to do as quickly as she wanted it to do it, and her memory is no longer failing.

I choose to celebrate her life, celebrate the gift of my catholic faith that God gave to us through her, and hopefully carry on in a way she would be proud.

So, Tad, you have my sincerest condolences in your loss and my prayers that you find solace and peace in your faith. Our Mom’s are spending their days with Jesus!
 
Thank you for your sincere, prayerful and filled with faith sharing of your beloved mother’s going home to God.
My loving Dad also a few years ago died during the easter season and in the month of May, the month we honor our Lady in. The readings at daily mass helped me so much and knowing he went home on a Saturday in May also was a consolation. Prayers for you as the days move on and know we are one with our family, friends etc at mass. We enter into the mystery of eternity at mass…the heavenly mass
 
Tad I’m sad for your loss of your mother, and the long painful time that preceded her passing.
I thank God for your faith and faithfulness.

Lord please continue to bless Tad through the day and years ahead.
 
Janet I’m sorry for your loss,
and thank God for your faith.
May God continue to bless you.
 
I’m very sorry to hear about your stepmother’s passing.
I’ll be praying for you. May God bless you and keep you in His arms!
 
My mother passed away in May 10 years ago. God granted her a good death and what comforted me then and now is that she left to join the communion of saints and that we will meet again. Hope for eternal life is the beginning and end of our faith.
 
May your mother’s soul rest in the peace and grace of her Lord and Savior.
Be sure, her faith in our Lord secured her place in the choir of angels.

I buried my dad on my birthday 14 years ago. Now each year, instead of celebrating what really is a meaningless day for me, I celebrate his life and the impact he had on my life…

Peace and grace…
 
I think celebrating ones baptism day is a very special and how many know the day they were baptized?
 
I am so sorry for your loss. May she rest in peace. I am so happy you found consolation in Catholicism. The Catholic church has been a huge help in all of my struggles too. The faith truly is a mystery.
 
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