Grounds for Marriage Annulment in the Catholic Church

  • Thread starter Thread starter rcwitness
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Roseeurekacross said:
again , do you understand the escalation and moving of boundaries in a situation that begins with arm grabbing and object throwing.

because thats how domestic violence begins. In every single case.

throwing objects against walls is an anger management issue. Putting holes in walls is an anger management issue, breaking objects is an anger management issue.

grabbing arms is an anger management issue
Click to expand...
The point is just because situations that have grown worse, began with those actions does not equate to every situation WILL grow to worse actions, or even continue.
 
Last edited:
rcwitness said:
The point is just because situations that have grown worse, began with those actions does not equate to every situation WILL grow to worse actions.
Click to expand...
got any stats to back that up because I can post Tomes of stats and studies that say boundaries move and things escalate because those boundaries move
 
Maybe you just aren’t seeing this because you are a man. If my dh grabbed my arm roughly it would hurt and I would be terrified. Grabbing an arm roughly is a loss of control, period. It’s abuse. I probably wouldn’t divorce just on that but it’s a major red flag and counseling is warranted. It’s a big deal. Same with throwing things. It’s a loss of control and is terrifying and intimidating. No excuse for it and I would leave if my dh thought this were an acceptable way to vent his anger.
 
How would anyone know about the stats of people grabbing arms or throwing an object against a wall which did NOT continue and lead to worse violence?
 
Last edited:
education my friend, education and collecting stats on how domestic violence happens.

we aren’t floundering in the dark here. This isn’t the 1950s. we don’t allow provocation as an acceptable defence.

I can guarantee you, once that boundary has moved, the next event would be escalated.

Perhaps the person who had their arm grabbed or was witness to objects being thrown against a wall in an angry outburst that was directed at them, left the situation before the next event occurred.

perhaps the next event would not occur for 6 months, a year, 2 years, 5 years. but you can be sure, once the boundary is moved, the event magnifies
 
Last edited:
Gingersnaps4 said:
Maybe you just aren’t seeing this because you are a man. If my dh grabbed my arm roughly it would hurt and I would be terrified. Grabbing an arm roughly is a loss of control, period. It’s abuse. I probably wouldn’t divorce just on that but it’s a major red flag and counseling is warranted. It’s a big deal.
Click to expand...
Then you see my point.
Same with throwing things. It’s a loss of control and is terrifying and intimidating. No excuse for it and I would leave if my dh thought this were an acceptable way to vent his anger.
Click to expand...
Well I definitely DID NOT say they could believe it to be acceptable behavior!
 
after having been through the situation, the first red flag , the first uncontrolled anger outburst = game over.

I would not stick around for anymore. I am not anyones punching bag. no one can grab my arm or throw things against walls in my presence.

thats the bottom line.

Its a huge red flag.

to the person engaging in this behaviour, fix it. , fix yourself, don’t expect a spouse to put up with it or be subject to it.

its terrifying, bully behaviour.
 
Last edited:
By acceptable behavior I meant happening more than once, and/or refusing counseling. Depending on how violent the throwing episode, it would maybe get to happen only once. I could see one time of that being really bad depending on the level of anger.
 
Fine, you are free to be that way. I would put up with a lot more than that from the woman I love.

Both physical violence and infidelity.

Though showing remorse and getting help, while working together is necessary.
 
Last edited:
again , you are conflating sexual conduct with physical violence, thats very concerning.

You might put up with physical violence because you are bigger, stronger, more powerful. you might not see it as a terrifying bullying issue that intimidates you and is calculated to put you in a place the bully wants you to be in. you might see it that way

However, would you tell a woman to put up with physical violence?

are you telling women on this thread to put up with physical violence?

surely not?

surely you are saying to women on this thread

It is not ok to have your arm grabbed. it is not ok to have stuff thrown in anger
 
Last edited:
Didn’t say it’s ok. A lot of behavior is not ok.

A bully is not always the bigger, stronger person. Some women take advantage of the meak man. Some disrespect their husbands with humiliation and contempt. Some undermined a husband’s authority simply because he won’t demand it with force. Sometimes a woman is a cruel person in crafty ways. A woman who ridicules a man for miniscule matters.

These can be a hardship on a man too.

But I’d tell him not to separate also. So long as there is remorse, apologies, and efforts to control.
 
rcwitness said:
while working together is necessary.
Click to expand...
thats another thing, anger outbursts, anyones anger outbursts are not the fault or responsibility of another.

thats another bullying tactic and its also very abusive. its a common denial of responsibility in the one doing the abusive anger outbursts.

Let me make this quite clear, the perpetrator of the violence can NEVER lay ANY blame on the

victim of that violence.

its not for the victim of that violence to take any blame or any responsibility and share any burden of working together

it is for the perpetrator of that violence to shoulder that responsibility alone and man up or woman up to it
 
Last edited:
lets make this quite clear

Are you saying it is ok to grab an arm or not,

are you saying it is ok to throw things against walls or not
 
If there are “efforts” to control but it keeps happening then the other person needs to do what’s best and leave regardless of their gender. God does not demand we stay in unhealthy relationships. And as a man it is easier for you to say that you would put up with physical violence from the woman you love. Men are much stronger than women and something like grabbing an arm roughly isn’t the same. My dh is 6’5 and I’m 5’3 and I’m sure he wouldn’t be intimidated in the least if I did decide to yank him by the arm. If he did that to me, different story.
 
rcwitness said:
Please read everything I’ve said.
Click to expand...
To any person subject to any sort of anger outburst and /or violence , and reading this , please know

Nothing about that is ok. And its not your fault.

And you cannot fix it. Only the perpetrator can fix it.

we don’t walk around on egg shells our whole lives because a partner with anger management issues will get angry and throw things at walls and grab our arms.
 
Glad my mother didnt leave my father, or visa versa. Both have done as much.

And neither escalated, rather the opposite.
 
Last edited:
rcwitness said:
Glad my mother didnt leave my father, or visa versa. Both have done as much.
Click to expand...
how would you know what your mother or your father went through? You are a child and would not be privy to it.

thats a really false standard. its disordered. you are not listening to us.

physical violence of any sort is never acceptable. EVER
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top