P
PelagiathePenit
Guest
I have repeated this cycle in many friendships. My first close friendship during my teens used to call me out, correct me, “mother” me. In retrospect, she was looking out for me. She matured much faster than me. She always the one giving me advice. I seldom had anything to tell her about her behavior. I did not like that dynamic. I had a recent close friend in college, it was the same dynamic she was the more mature one having to help me grow-up and giving me advice. She challenged me and saw clearly right through me. I had to learn from her. I quickly learned to resent her. Why wasn’t I as self-motivated or self-contained as her? She did not need as much parental help as I did or still do now. I thought what advice could I give her in return. I wondered why these people associate with me. I would sabotage the friendship. I was recently involved with guy. He liked me, I always second-guessed it well because he was much more well-traveled, more experienced than I. What could he have learned from me? Why would he like me? I keep repeating the same cycle. I am frustrated with myself with never being the mature or dominant one in my relationships. When will I ever grow up? I am still very sensitive, emotional, immature, self-absorbed, slow-moving, impulsive. I get stuck in things. I do not easily transition, move on, accept things. I prefer hanging out with people in my maturity level, my mother says it is not good because we cannot correct each other or clearly see each other’s faults. Hanging out with people more mature than me makes me feel very inadequate. As you see, I have ruined many good friendships and potential romantic prospects based on this insecurity. What should I do? How can I appreciate having my mature friends that see me clearly and are willing to guide and give me advice without wanting anything in return from me?My current best friend sees me as her “helpless younger sister.” I am tempted to cut off our friendship.I have been told good friends are the ones who challenge, do not let you off the hook when you are wrong like the bible states “iron sharpens iron.” My mom says not all fingers are the same length. Of course there is the example of the body of Christ - 1 Corinthians 12:14-24 about how the whole body cannot be an eye, ear or nose.
