Growing up with a single mom

[nikkib303]

Hi,

I don’t post often, but I did post several months ago seeking advice about leaving a relationship. I did end up breaking off an engagement, due to the fact that my fiance was cheating, and really always had. However, we have a now 2 year old son together. My ex still hopes that we will reconcile, and says that he has changed. In some ways, I feel that he has, but other signs tell me no. My main fear is that by not reconciling, I am not doing what is right for my son. I guess there are no guarantees that your children will turn out okay, but lately it feels like everywhere I turn I am seeing statistics that children raised in a fatherless homes are just so much more likely to get into trouble. Everything from teen pregnancy to suicide. AAHH!

I would do anything for my son, even go back to a not so great relationship. I just am so confused right now, especially because I would love to think we could go back and be a family again. Just need some encouragement that I am doing the right thing, or a push in the other direction I guess.

 

[gmarie21]

Hi,

I don’t post often, but I did post several months ago seeking advice about leaving a relationship. I did end up breaking off an engagement, due to the fact that my fiance was cheating, and really always had. However, we have a now 2 year old son together. My ex still hopes that we will reconcile, and says that he has changed. In some ways, I feel that he has, but other signs tell me no. My main fear is that by not reconciling, I am not doing what is right for my son. I guess there are no guarantees that your children will turn out okay, but lately it feels like everywhere I turn I am seeing statistics that children raised in a fatherless homes are just so much more likely to get into trouble. Everything from teen pregnancy to suicide. AAHH!

I would do anything for my son, even go back to a not so great relationship. I just am so confused right now, especially because I would love to think we could go back and be a family again. Just need some encouragement that I am doing the right thing, or a push in the other direction I guess.

My one strong piece of advice, seek out a trustworthy spiritual man or woman to counsel you before proceeding. I do remember your previous posts and if your son’s dad hasn’t proven he’s changed by his ACTIONS (not his words) then I would say, don’t proceed until the actions are such in which trust can be rebuilt. Oh, and I know many children of single parent households that turned out GREAT!!!

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

My dad passed away when I was 3 and mom was a single mom of 4 (ages 1-7 at the time dad died) from then on. My mom decided she did not want to remarry/seek anyone else. I know my bros and sisters turned out ok, and I hope I did too lol, but one thing I can tell you is that my mom was a great mother. Don’t enter marriage with a person if the person is not the right one.

 

[nikkib303]

I hadn’t really thought about that. Some moms are “single” through no choice of their own. And their kids are not doomed to disaster.

Just a moment of panic I think, because I am lonely and after 7 months of being single, I am really being forced to move on. I am moving out of “our” house, and into an apartment, and that just makes me feel so alone.

 

[BamaRider]

Your concern about raising a son minus a father is legit. Yes, many turn out ok, but to say it has obstacles is a understatement.

I coached several hundred boys in baseball and football over a 8 year period (ages 6-13, various leagues). I generally (but not always) could spot the boys growing up without a dad. Boys in female dominated homes tend to be less assured, less confident, and trend to be more followers than leaders. They are often the brunt of practical jokes, because they are “easy pickings.” They often lacked discipline, and caused trouble. I’m sure many here knows a exception or 2, but that doesn’t change the odds.

Girls adapt much easier to whatever parent has custody, meaning they do ok if the single parent is male or female, but boys struggle with no strong male influence.

Even if you can’t live with the father, do as much as you can to keep him active in the boys life. Surround him with positive males to influence him. They can be coaches, grandfather, big brothers, teachers, uncles, and friends. I wouild say a priest, but in this day and time, most priests want no part of mentoring any young men, and I don’t blame them. Just way it is.

It is extremely difficult for a mother to teach a son what he needs to know to be a man, simply because she doesn’t know. A male’s world is alot different than that of a young lady’s.

A father and son are biblical. My 28 year old son lives and works a hour away from me. We talk 3-4 times a day. When he has free time in the office he calls me. Soometimes for advice, but most times just to see what I’m doing.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[PotassiumCl]

My parents divorced when I was 4, my father was in and out of prison through his entire life. As I write this he is again in prison at 59 yrs old. Anyway, my mother who will tell you made some terrible mistakes along the way did her best. I feel her “best” prepared me to be independent, meaning I have a good foundation to make it through life. Nonetheless, was it difficult? Yes. Was it lonely? Yes. Was it painful? Tremendously. However, when I think about how much worse it could have been this was the best for us. He was verbally and physically abusive towards my mother and did so in front of me. Believe it or not, I have no ill feelings towards this person; I do worry about him and care for him regardless of what he did. Please think through your actions, you never know there may be someone else out there who will be everything that you and your child need. FYI my mother was able to obtain an annulment for the marriage and I will tell you that messes with you when you are a child and do not have a full understanding of it; still does to a degree. Good luck and God Bless.