Guidance for Hubby and NFP

[RosarysBaby]

Hi all,

My husband is in his forties and has had three children: two teenagers out there he gave up and we have a toddler together. He would like to have another baby but feels he is too old and he seems to wonder if he is a good father (he’s an excellent father). I stay home with our son and my husband makes a good deal of money so that is not an issue.

He is a lapsed Catholic and I’m in RCIA and on fire for the CCC. I do struggle with the prohibition against artificial birth control but I’m trying to follow the Church’s teaching. We had a lovely little gal come by last week to pitch NFP to my husband. He was okay with the cost of the materials but felt she is young and new and was a little rattled by most of our time was spent with me explaining things to her. She is learning how to teach.

I needed an answer for her this week if we are going to learn from her but my husband “would be nervous” about not using condoms. I struggle to talk to him because, he is a wonderful, wonderful guy, but he shuts down emotionally and gets crabby about a lot of things and we just don’t talk about them. This morning we talked briefly but I did not get an answer.

Anyone else struggle with getting on board or helping a spouse get on board with NFP?

Any guidance and thoughts are appreciated!

:grouphug:

C.

 

[1ke]

Perhaps you should consider another teacher. I don’t know what NFP model you are considering. But when I learned Creighton, my instructor was a CNA.

 

[mikecash]

I cannot recommend the Couple to Couple league class enough! My fiancée (a cradle Catholic) was on the fence about NFP, and the class totally put her at ease. The Couple to Couple class explains not only how effective NFP is but why the Church teaches what She does on this subject. They teach the symptom-thermal method, which is the most reliable.

We had an older couple speak to our pre-cana class about NFP. The wife decided she wanted to do it years after they had been married. The husband was a lapsed Catholic but he agreed. After he saw how much it helped their marriage grow closer, he is now back in the Church and happier than ever! They had three kids when they started NFP, but a couple years after doing NFP they jointly decided to have two more!

Check out their website, ccli.org

 

[PietroPaolo]

Ideally, your husband would support you on this simply b/c it is so important to you. However, if he won’t you’ll be stuck in a difficult spot as you can’t keep using artificial birth control even if he wants to. Remember the only thing that can kill our souls is mortal sin. For a sin to be mortal it must meet three criteria:

1. Grave matter. Using artificial birth control is grave matter.
2. Full knowledge. You know the Church’s teaching on this matter, as is obvious from this post.
3. Deliberate consent. As long as you are engaging in consensual relations with your husband, there is consent.

Thus, using ABC would be mortally sinful for you. There is nothing worse than mortal sin. Nothing.

I don’t mean to be doom and gloom, but going through all that with my then Protestant wife after my conversion showed her why we had to switch to NFP, which we did.

You can also tell your husband it is more effective than condoms, that might put his mind at ease.

I’ve offered an Ave for you. God bless.

 

[Xantippe]

RosarysBaby said:

“I needed an answer for her this week if we are going to learn from her but my husband “would be nervous” about not using condoms. I struggle to talk to him because, he is a wonderful, wonderful guy, but he shuts down emotionally and gets crabby about a lot of things and we just don’t talk about them. This morning we talked briefly but I did not get an answer.”

1. I think you want either an older teacher or a medically-trained instructor, rather than a cute-as-a-button newbie.
2. Condoms aren’t all that fantastic with regard to effectiveness. If he insists on them, just keep charting and report back to him stuff like “I guess we had sex the day before I ovulated. Good thing the condom didn’t break!” or “I was infertile these two weeks–bummmer, we could have had sex without condoms the whole time.” You could make a point of doing a report like that at the end of every cycle.
3. I worry about what you said here, “he shuts down emotionally and gets crabby about a lot of things and we just don’t talk about them.” NFP aside, those are presumably the areas where your marriage can be improved. But choose your times appropriately–not when he’s stressed about other stuff or hungry or tired.
4. He’s not too old to have more kids, but it sounds like your relationship needs some fine-tuning.

 

[LittleFlower378]

I dont think 40 is too old to have kids. The good thing about NFP it can be very helpfull if you choose to concieve a child. I would learn (through the instructor and reading) as much about NFP as you can and that will hopefully bring your husband on board. I am in the middle of reading “The Art of Natural Family Planning,” Keep the communication going as well.