Guidance Needed (Morally Conflicted Teen)

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EveryNewDay

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Hello, this is my first post, so I am a bit nervous that I may not be posting this in the right place etc. But disregarding that concern, I have had a much larger worry for much time. I have had a battle going on within myself for I don’t even know how long.

I’m a seventeen (soon to be eighteen) year old girl. I have struggled with faith since grammar school. I am in fact baptized (Roman Catholic) but I dropped my faith due to the poor impressions I received of Catholicism from my grammar school. In high school, I never got confirmed, but I found peace with the catholic church and grew up a bit.

Despite all this former, juvenile hatred I had, I’ve always naturally led a pretty moral life style. I’m still a virgin (I always wanted to save myself for marriage), I never drink, never smoke etc. Up until recently, I’ve never done anything to be considered BAD. Unfortunately, I have let the influence of society and my peers overtake me.

To put it lightly, I’ve let everything I used to be repulsed by become okay in my mind. For example, premarital sexual acts have always seemed wrong to me. But my friends always talk about what they do with their boyfriends, and I’ve always thought it was wrong or weird. Then I MADE myself become used to these ideas. Now they don’t seem bad and I’m afraid that I will become more and more inclined to engage in such activities when the opportunity arises. I don’t necessarily WANT to, but I know I could be persuaded to just because it’s “normal.”

I hope that wasn’t too vague, I just didn’t want to give too much info. I’m sorry this is such a lengthy post! It’s just so conflicting and this isn’t even half of what I wanted to say, I just didn’t want to write a novel. So, any tips on maintaining/regaining self-control? I also want to become engaged in Catholicism, but I have a lot of trouble doing so.

Thank you so much for taking the time and reading all this. Adolescence is a rough time and I figure that many of you have more life experience and everything.
 
I entered into full communion with the Catholic Church when I was 18 -now years ago…but I remember that difficult age --of going contrary to the voices of the culture at that age…it is worth it! How? and Why?
*
Jesus of Nazareth.* The joy of knowing him.

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/speeches/2011/august/documents/hf_ben-xvi_spe_20110818_accoglienza-giovani2-madrid_en.html

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/speeches/2011/august/documents/hf_ben-xvi_spe_20110820_veglia-madrid_en.html

In Jesus of Nazareth is true life

(and thus in his Church! in his Word and Sacraments!)
 
This is the Year of Faith --I invite you to come to know Jesus more and more–to love him more and more – to know his love for you. To profess and live your Faith – to repent and believe --and thus return to a good Confession with Faith and Confess everything needful (any mortal sins–the Priest can help you --just ask) --and to return to Mass if you have been away (waiting until after Confession on Holy Communion of course).

I him you can do all things and in him is true life.

Jesus is the *Good Shepherd *and he loves you!

Here are more of the messages from world youth day with Pope Benedict XVI 🙂 (that is the source of the ones above too)

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/homilies/2011/documents/hf_ben-xvi_hom_20110821_xxvi-gmg-madrid_en.html

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/travels/2011/index_madrid_en.htm

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/messages/youth/index_en.htm

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/travels/2008/index_australia_en.htm
vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/travels/2005/index_cologne-wyd2005_en.htm

vatican.va/gmg/documents/gmg_parole-hf_en.html
 
We’ve all been there. Welcome to being a teenager. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders as you are acknowledging the moral slippery slope in front of you. That shows more self awareness and responsibility than 99% of teenagers out there so you’re already making a good first step.

Temptations don’t just haunt teenagers, but people of all ages throughout your entire life. The nature of these temptations may change, but they are always present. So it’s time to start building up that “moral armor” through regular prayer. Pray every day. As you can see from my signature, I put a lot of faith in the power of the rosary to protect against temptation and evil. Give it a try. When you fill your head and soul with God’s grace, there won’t be room for temptation to take root. Those growing temptations will start to look very small and won’t hold so much sway over you.
 
Note to overwhelm you with reading (I am a “bookcat” as you can see) – but this is another excellent homily that Pope Benedict XVI gave at the close of the Year of St. Paul --the first paragraph is of course important --but what I am getting at is the second one on down…he discusses the need for a “renewal of the mind” etc --please read this one too ) -it is good for us all to read often --it is very profound

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/homilies/2009/documents/hf_ben-xvi_hom_20090628_chius-anno-paolino_en.html

A few excerpts:

“In the second verse we are given the answer: “Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may prove what is the will of God…” (12: 2). The two decisive words of this verse are “transformed” and “renewal”. We must become new people, transformed into a new mode of existence.”

"Only if we ourselves become new does the world become new. This also means that it is not enough to adapt to the current situation. The Apostle exhorts us to non-conformism. In our Letter he says: we should not submit to the logic of our time. We shall return to this point, reflecting on the second text on which I wish to meditate with you this evening. The Apostle’s “no” is clear and also convincing for anyone who observes the “logic” of our world. But to become new how can this be done? Are we really capable of it? With his words on becoming new, Paul alludes to his own conversion: to his encounter with the Risen Christ, an encounter of which, in the Second Letter to the Corinthians he says: “if anyone is in Christ, he is in a new creation; the old has passed away, behold, the new has come” (5: 17). This encounter with Christ was so overwhelming for him that he said of it: “I… died…” (Gal 2: 19; cf. Rm 6). He became new, another, because he no longer lived for himself and by virtue of himself, but for Christ and in him. In the course of the years, however, he also saw that this process of renewal and transformation continues throughout life. We become new if we let ourselves be grasped and shaped by the new Man, Jesus Christ. He is the new Man par excellence. In him the new human existence became reality and we can truly become new if we deliver ourselves into his hands and let ourselves be moulded by him.

Paul makes this process of “recasting” even clearer by saying that we become new if we transform our way of thinking. What has been introduced here with “way of thinking” is the Greek term “nous”. It is a complex word. It may be translated as “spirit”, “sentiments”, “reason”, and precisely, also by “way of thinking”. Thus our reason must become new. This surprises us. We might have expected instead that this would have concerned some attitude: what we should change in our behaviour. But no: renewal must go to the very core. Our way of looking at the world, of understanding reality all our thought must change from its foundations."
 
Hi EveryNewDay 🙂

I’m around your age so I don’t think I have that much more life experience that you do but I think I can kind of relate to your situation.
Throughout high school I struggled with my faith. I believed in all the church teachings in all, but it was a challenge to practice my faith because my family wasn’t religious. When high school got tough, I just pretty much gave up on trying altogether and before I knew it my morals and prayer life had totally gone downhill.

I really wanted to start practicing my faith again but I wasn’t sure where to start… I just felt like I couldn’t pray. Then one day I decided to take a deep breath… and go to confession 👍
The priest was so kind and understanding, and he emphasized that despite what I did, God would forgive all of my sins and give me the strength to start over.
He also told me that if I focused on receiving the sacraments, and just accept God’s love, He would give me the grace to live out my faith, avoid sin … and I would find that my faith life would improve. “Receive the sacraments… trust God… and everything else will fall into place”
And what he said was totally true 🙂

So if you haven’t been to mass or confession in awhile… I really suggest you should go.
Jesus loves you and is waiting for you ❤️
youtube.com/watch?v=AFXLmuiDvZQ
 
EveryNewDay said:
Hello, this is my first post, so I am a bit nervous that I may not be posting this in the right place etc. But disregarding that concern, I have had a much larger worry for much time. I have had a battle going on within myself for I don’t even know how long.

I’m a seventeen (soon to be eighteen) year old girl. I have struggled with faith since grammar school. I am in fact baptized (Roman Catholic) but I dropped my faith due to the poor impressions I received of Catholicism from my grammar school. In high school, I never got confirmed, but I found peace with the catholic church and grew up a bit.

Despite all this former, juvenile hatred I had, I’ve always naturally led a pretty moral life style. I’m still a virgin (I always wanted to save myself for marriage), I never drink, never smoke etc. Up until recently, I’ve never done anything to be considered BAD. Unfortunately, I have let the influence of society and my peers overtake me.

To put it lightly, I’ve let everything I used to be repulsed by become okay in my mind. For example, premarital sexual acts have always seemed wrong to me. But my friends always talk about what they do with their boyfriends, and I’ve always thought it was wrong or weird. Then I MADE myself become used to these ideas. Now they don’t seem bad and I’m afraid that I will become more and more inclined to engage in such activities when the opportunity arises. I don’t necessarily WANT to, but I know I could be persuaded to just because it’s “normal.”

I hope that wasn’t too vague, I just didn’t want to give too much info. I’m sorry this is such a lengthy post! It’s just so conflicting and this isn’t even half of what I wanted to say, I just didn’t want to write a novel. So, any tips on maintaining/regaining self-control? I also want to become engaged in Catholicism, but I have a lot of trouble doing so.

Thank you so much for taking the time and reading all this. Adolescence is a rough time and I figure that many of you have more life experience and everything.
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I’m 24 and “have” done some of those things you’re worried about, though I am still a virgin in the strictly technical sense. And I can tell you that absolutely NOTHING good comes from pre-marital ANYTHING. It might feel “right” at the time. If it’s someone you dated awhile you might even feel like you’re in “love”. But you aren’t. And that kind of stuff will ruin the relationship, whether it be right away or down the road. And eventually once it ends you start to feel different. You realize you gave a part of yourself away that you can never get back. One of two things happen here. One, you shrug it off say forget it and continue on in sin or you go back to leading a chaste life (I’ve never met anyone who chose the latter). You’re strong. From the sounds of it you’ve done an AMAZING job! Continue to save yourself until you are married. No one deserves to have “all” of you until they are committed to spending the rest of their life with you. You deserve better for yourself! You’re a human being, not some piece of meat to give away to any guy who asks. Protect yourself. Stay away from that kind of behavior and if your friends are pressuring you in any way or trying to make you feel it’s “normal” or “justifiable” than distance yourself from them. I understand that would be hard to do but there “are” people out there around your age who DO care about Christ and living a chaste life. Those are the sort you want for friends (if they can’t respect your desire to remain pure and continue trying to push that ideology on you). I speak from personal experience and all the guilt and remorse that comes with it. Don’t do it. I promise you it’s not worth it.
 
Hello! I just graduated and am now a college student, so I can relate to what you’re saying.

Firstly, I would like to address your fears of being heavily influenced by your friends who support sinful actions. Now, while I managed to have good friends in high school who tried to be faithful to the Church (and this was at a public school - please don’t assume, my fellow posters! :D), I also had friends who weren’t living the right path. So, what I did was love the sinner and yet hate the sin, trying to correct them through subtle and loving means rather than overt ones that would turn them away (although that would be a bit complicated to explain as one has to define the different social parameters for each situation). Finally, I kept to the Sacraments and prayer (especially Adoration) as means of protecting myself from sin (and Mary and the saints do help!), because otherwise, my words are nothing without the love and grace of God.

Why?
In my case, this was after a very significant incident that led me to revert towards a more Christ-like viewpoint. However, after I went through a phase of complete social shutdown (especially because I was very unsure of how to approach the world since I knew it would be quite unforgiving towards my Faith - such as my fellow students in school 🤷), I realized something (and this is my second point).

I realized that my act of being a spiritual/social hedgehog was not going to get anyone closer to God.

Once I had this epiphany, I decided that my approach was to bring people to the Faith via the little things: the subtle humor, intellectual suggestions, good works, and welcoming invitations. I’m not saying that there aren’t times in which we should be forceful in defending the Truth, but normally, you want to attract people to the goodness of Truth by reflecting the Ultimate Good Himself, who is Love. (And that certainly worked for me better than my previous cerebral approach, to say the least! 👍)

Now, I’m not saying that this is the case for you, but this is just a point that I want to make about being a Catholic in the real world. It’s already a morally and spiritually brutal place - it’s not like it’s going to get any better after high school.

Hopefully, I didn’t make your day too depressing with this reminder - just trying to be realistic, that’s all. 🙂 (Also, you’re post isn’t that long - I’ve made longer ones. 😉 )
 
SaintPatrick333 said:
I’m 24 and “have” done some of those things you’re worried about, though I am still a virgin in the strictly technical sense. And I can tell you that absolutely NOTHING good comes from pre-marital ANYTHING. It might feel “right” at the time. If it’s someone you dated awhile you might even feel like you’re in “love”. But you aren’t. And that kind of stuff will ruin the relationship, whether it be right away or down the road. And eventually once it ends you start to feel different. You realize you gave a part of yourself away that you can never get back. One of two things happen here. One, you shrug it off say forget it and continue on in sin or you go back to leading a chaste life (I’ve never met anyone who chose the latter). You’re strong. From the sounds of it you’ve done an AMAZING job! Continue to save yourself until you are married. No one deserves to have “all” of you until they are committed to spending the rest of their life with you. You deserve better for yourself! You’re a human being, not some piece of meat to give away to any guy who asks. Protect yourself. Stay away from that kind of behavior and if your friends are pressuring you in any way or trying to make you feel it’s “normal” or “justifiable” than distance yourself from them. I understand that would be hard to do but there “are” people out there around your age who DO care about Christ and living a chaste life. Those are the sort you want for friends (if they can’t respect your desire to remain pure and continue trying to push that ideology on you). I speak from personal experience and all the guilt and remorse that comes with it. Don’t do it. I promise you it’s not worth it.
Click to expand...
I second this post, by the way! Good stuff! 🙂
 
Thank you SO MUCH for all your posts! The saddest part is that I feel like I have nowhere/nobody to turn to! I attend a “catholic” school, but the administration becomes more and more liberal (I dare say socialistic) and contradicts many traditional catholic practices/teachings. For example, we have a Gay-Straight Alliance in the school. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a problem with gay people in general, but COME ON this is supposed to be a Catholic school!

Another disappointment would be my friends who claim to be Christian/Catholic. They attend these retreats all the time and are really involved in the parish. Then, however, they go out, get wasted and talk about “getting the D.” If you don’t know what that means, it’s just a girl’s way of sexualizing men I guess? You can imagine what “D” they’re talking about. 😛

The funny part is that after all that, they BEG me to go on all these retreats, telling me that it will change my life!

But yeah, I know I should go to confession. The thought is just terrifying! I’d have to sit for an hour compiling a list of everything for at least the past four years. Also, is it okay to go to any priest to confess your sins? I’m just not sure I could handle the priest knowing who I am, as cowardly as that sounds.
 
EveryNewDay said:
Hello, this is my first post, so I am a bit nervous that I may not be posting this in the right place etc. But disregarding that concern, I have had a much larger worry for much time. I have had a battle going on within myself for I don’t even know how long.

I’m a seventeen (soon to be eighteen) year old girl. I have struggled with faith since grammar school. I am in fact baptized (Roman Catholic) but I dropped my faith due to the poor impressions I received of Catholicism from my grammar school. In high school, I never got confirmed, but I found peace with the catholic church and grew up a bit.

Despite all this former, juvenile hatred I had, I’ve always naturally led a pretty moral life style. I’m still a virgin (I always wanted to save myself for marriage), I never drink, never smoke etc. Up until recently, I’ve never done anything to be considered BAD. Unfortunately, I have let the influence of society and my peers overtake me.

To put it lightly, I’ve let everything I used to be repulsed by become okay in my mind. For example, premarital sexual acts have always seemed wrong to me. But my friends always talk about what they do with their boyfriends, and I’ve always thought it was wrong or weird. Then I MADE myself become used to these ideas. Now they don’t seem bad and I’m afraid that I will become more and more inclined to engage in such activities when the opportunity arises. I don’t necessarily WANT to, but I know I could be persuaded to just because it’s “normal.”

I hope that wasn’t too vague, I just didn’t want to give too much info. I’m sorry this is such a lengthy post! It’s just so conflicting and this isn’t even half of what I wanted to say, I just didn’t want to write a novel. So, any tips on maintaining/regaining self-control? I also want to become engaged in Catholicism, but I have a lot of trouble doing so.

Thank you so much for taking the time and reading all this. Adolescence is a rough time and I figure that many of you have more life experience and everything.
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Hello! First of all, welcome to the forum - it’s great to have you here. I am also 17, and struggle with the same things as you do!

It is awesome that you are wanting to know more about your faith and grow in your Catholic belief (perfect timing: the year of faith is this year!). And like stated above me, this is really the best step - knowing that temptation is out there and finding out how to conquer it.

I think the first step is to surround yourself with people who hold values similar to yours and the Church’s. It is hard to be pure and desire to save yourself for marriage when your friends are telling you (both verbally and by their actions) that it’s OK. Are your friends allowing you to be the Best Version of Yourself (book recommendation: anything by Matthew Kelly.)

Just because something is “normal” doesn’t mean it’s good. A beautiful quote I’ve found that strengthens me is this: "‘Purity?’ they ask. And they smile. They are the ones who go on to marriage with worn-out bodies and disillusioned souls."
  • St. Josemaria Escriva
Another thing that I have found reassuing is the story of Jason and Chrystalina Evert (another book recommendation: anything by them). Chyrstalina said that when she decided to be pure in all apects of her life, people laughed at her. So every time someone said something that hurt her, she wrote it down in a journal. And she remembered it. But when she walked up to the altar to meet her bridegroom, she listened. And no one was laughing anymore.

Stay strong! There are a lot of us out there who are saving themselves for marriage - do a search on the threads and you’ll see 🙂 I’m saving myself for marriage, and I know it can be a struggle.

Tips: Don’t put yourself in a situation where you could give into temptation. Don’t be alone with a guy in a seculded area. Set boundries in a relationship before you need to use them. Demand respect as a woman from the man who is in a relationship with you.

I don’t think we fully understand the beauty of saving ouselves for marriage - it’s letting our future spouse know that they are worth all the sacrifice, all the times we are the end of a joke, all the times when we are discouraged. Because the joy we will feel when we turn to our spouse at the altar and say: “Everything is yours. I have saved everything for you because. I. love. you.” True love is willing the good of another, and sacrificing for them.

And remember you are never alone - God is always with us. He’s the ultimate bridegroom, and the ultimate lover. Draw comfort from this fact - and frequent Perpetual Adoration.

You are in my prayers (keep me in yours?)

God bless you and strengthen you on your journey,

Chloe M.
 
Thank you so much, Chloe! It’s very reassuring to know that there are in fact other young people out there who are still, as most would call it, old-fashioned! Yes, I’m quite nervous about ever being in a relationship cause I don’t trust that a boy will accept my decision, but then I’ll never get married, lol! It’s just so hard to find like-minded people in this aspect, hence why I came here! I’m so sick of looking for answers and getting the same “it’s okay” “it’s normal, everyone does it” bologna! And I will keep you in my prayers, something I need to remember to do more often.
 
EveryNewDay said:
T
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Hey if your thinking of heading off to college when you graduate I recommend checking out the Newman List.

thenewmanguide.com/

thenewmanguide.com/TheNewmanGuide/RecommendedColleges.aspx

I highly recommend my Alma Mater - Franciscan University of Steubenville

(and such are good ways to yes --also find a faithful spouse!..so many faithful like minded persons…I remember the joke that some women (I am a guy) came there also for a “Mrs” degree …hee hee)
 
EveryNewDay said:
Hello, this is my first post, so I am a bit nervous that I may not be posting this in the right place etc. But disregarding that concern, I have had a much larger worry for much time. I have had a battle going on within myself for I don’t even know how long.

I’m a seventeen (soon to be eighteen) year old girl. I have struggled with faith since grammar school. I am in fact baptized (Roman Catholic) but I dropped my faith due to the poor impressions I received of Catholicism from my grammar school. In high school, I never got confirmed, but I found peace with the catholic church and grew up a bit.

Despite all this former, juvenile hatred I had, I’ve always naturally led a pretty moral life style. I’m still a virgin (I always wanted to save myself for marriage), I never drink, never smoke etc. Up until recently, I’ve never done anything to be considered BAD. Unfortunately, I have let the influence of society and my peers overtake me.

To put it lightly, I’ve let everything I used to be repulsed by become okay in my mind. For example, premarital sexual acts have always seemed wrong to me. But my friends always talk about what they do with their boyfriends, and I’ve always thought it was wrong or weird. Then I MADE myself become used to these ideas. Now they don’t seem bad and I’m afraid that I will become more and more inclined to engage in such activities when the opportunity arises. I don’t necessarily WANT to, but I know I could be persuaded to just because it’s “normal.”

I hope that wasn’t too vague, I just didn’t want to give too much info. I’m sorry this is such a lengthy post! It’s just so conflicting and this isn’t even half of what I wanted to say, I just didn’t want to write a novel. So, any tips on maintaining/regaining self-control? I also want to become engaged in Catholicism, but I have a lot of trouble doing so.

Thank you so much for taking the time and reading all this. Adolescence is a rough time and I figure that many of you have more life experience and everything.
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You are not alone. Check this site for some great help: chastity.com/node/442
 
@bookcat, I have checked that out, thank you! There are a few possible choices on there, I’m just not totally sure I want to leave my home state, Massachusetts!

@Ignatius, Thank you, I remember watching a video of those two when they were speaking at a school. They sure are out there doing good work. Kids NEVER hear about chastity in school these days, so it’s great that they’re out there working to change that!
 
In my life I have found - often in hindsight- that when I’ve questioned things I had always believed in, that in fact it was the Holy Spirit inviting me to learn more and grow deeper in my faith. It can be a difficult time but God does not abandon us while we try to figure it out.pray earnestly that Truth will be revealed to you and stay active in the sacramental life of the Church.- you are in my prayers. Please pray for me.
 
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