Guidelines for Wedding Stipends?

[Santi2]

Thank you, Santi2. How does the money you quote for the UK equate with US dollars? Are you saying your parish fees are $150-$250?

I love the idea that the family fathers in the parish hall afterwards. What a lovely practice! In my former Michigan parish, we had volunteer funeral teams that cooked an entire turkey dinner for the grieving family, and the free-will offering the family gave the coordinator (if anything) was put aside to purchase supplies for the next funeral. This was a wonderful witness of compassion and charity at a time when the family needed comfort and support. But then again, that parish was exceptional, going well beyond the norms elsewhere.

The equivalent to US will be $243-$405 at current forex £=$1.62

 

[Joannm]

The fees we paid the parish when we married (7 years ago):

Deacon stipend $150
Church rental fee - $500
Oganist - $150
Cantor - $150
Premarital prep (included the FOCCUS test): Can’t remember, I think it was $50

My daughter is getting married in 3 weeks and those fees are similar to what we are paying, only I also hired a trumpeter for $200.

 

[Sarabande]

Awesome, Sarabande! Who would ever believe these fees? Oh am I ever glad my children are married! The expense must cause parents to mortgage their homes if they have not provided for this early in their marriage.

I must say that I am more than a little scandalized that a Catholic parish charges $2,000 to rent the Church. Even if it is a Cathedral with the most elaborate setting, I fail to see how that justifies a rate like this.

As for the organist, I have played for weddings, and the preparation at home is extensive, which warrants that type of fee. Hours and hours of practice. Not only the liturgy, which should be rather routine, but the preludes usually consist of at least five, plus the wedding march.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

You’re welcome!

Yes, the costs of weddings can be very pricey. I do think that costs will differ depending on the area where you live though. I’m in a major metropolitan area, so it can actually be difficult to have an affordable to modestly priced wedding if you want family to celebrate. I imagine that if a couple really would want to avoid the church rental altogether, they could request marrying during a regularly scheduled mass. I don’t think they are supposed to be denied, although I have heard of that happening and they had to schedule it around a mass time… but it’s only from what I’ve heard and not direct experience. I did forget to mention that sometimes the church fees do include the fees of musicians, so that should be taken into account.

The place where I was married was a cathedral, but it was only a couple hundred dollars more than what it would have cost at my childhood parish or my husband’s parish at the time. That said, the fee was waived because we both sang in the choir, and because it really was like a second home to us at the time, it made perfect sense to be married there. I don’t know why they raised it to $2000 (this fee did not include musician stipends or any other stipend except for the rental), although I do know that the upkeep of a building of that size, as well as just heating, cooling and lighting it can be astronomical. It is also a small parish, so I imagine it would have relied on the weddings to help care for the building. I do remember that around the time the rental fee went up, the number of weddings being scheduled there went down, as well as hiring extra musicians like cantors, trumpet players, etc. This might have changed as I no longer work there and am no longer a parishioner.

I agree with you in regards to preparation. I know that as a singer-musician there are hours of practice, study and preparation. The organist usually does so much more music at a wedding than the singer, too.

 

[agapewolf]

I must say that I am more than a little scandalized that a Catholic parish charges $2,000 to rent the Church. Even if it is a Cathedral with the most elaborate setting, I fail to see how that justifies a rate like this.

.

So what does a hall cost to rent it privately for the same amount of time— bring in hundreds of your friends and family, allow you to decorate, provide a/c or heat, and provide cleaning services after, (and most likely some kind of coordinator also)?

What are they paying for the dress? the dj or band? the flowers?

$2000 is a steal. If a couple wants to marry at a regularly scheduled mass without all the bells and whistles, they could easily do so for free.

 

[Joannm]

So what does a hall cost to rent it privately for the same amount of time— bring in hundreds of your friends and family, allow you to decorate, provide a/c or heat, and provide cleaning services after, (and most likely some kind of coordinator also)?

What are they paying for the dress? the dj or band? the flowers?

$2000 is a steal. If a couple wants to marry at a regularly scheduled mass without all the bells and whistles, they could easily do so for free.

This is a very good point. We have couples complaining about the fee (which actually is considered a donation since you don’t pay for sacraments and can be used as a deductible - but not the musicians fee or a gift you give to the priest), but they are paying $25,000 for the reception, $2,000 for the dress, $5,000 for all the vendors (limos, flowers, photographer, video guy, band or DJ, hair dressers, make up, gifts for the wedding party etc.), $10,000 for the honeymoon. When you add all that up , the fee for the church is pretty cheap. We are paying $500 for the church not including music.

 

[AnnArbor]

This is a very good point. We have couples complaining about the fee (which actually is considered a donation since you don’t pay for sacraments and can be used as a deductible - but not the musicians fee or a gift you give to the priest), but they are paying $25,000 for the reception, $2,000 for the dress, $5,000 for all the vendors (limos, flowers, photographer, video guy, band or DJ, hair dressers, make up, gifts for the wedding party etc.), $10,000 for the honeymoon. When you add all that up , the fee for the church is pretty cheap. We are paying $500 for the church not including music.

I think the objection sometimes arises from families who have been longtime generous supporters of a parish. They believe their support has given them the right to expect to be able to have their weddings and funerals there without it costing an arm and a leg – in the parish where I worked, parishioners paid nearly $2000 for wedding fees to the parish – and were not encouraged to marry during regular Masses, because the influx of guests would have overwhelmed the church’s capacity.

Regarding the “crash,” I didn’t know people called it anything else!

 

[Santi2]

We have couples complaining about the fee…the fee for the church is pretty cheap…

And, it is ironic that they complain about the cheapest of wedding expenditures when the Sacrament bestowed on the day, in that same Church, is invaluable.

 

[thewanderer]

This is a very good point. We have couples complaining about the fee (which actually is considered a donation since you don’t pay for sacraments and can be used as a deductible - but not the musicians fee or a gift you give to the priest), but they are paying $25,000 for the reception, $2,000 for the dress, $5,000 for all the vendors (limos, flowers, photographer, video guy, band or DJ, hair dressers, make up, gifts for the wedding party etc.), $10,000 for the honeymoon. When you add all that up , the fee for the church is pretty cheap. We are paying $500 for the church not including music.

Then there’s also all those on super tight budgets. 25,000 for a reception? There’s no way I could even **begin **to think aboutt spending anything near that. I will probably have to get a friend with a large backyard to let me have the reception there. 2,000 dollars for a dress? there are plenty under 500 to look at and I certainly won’t be spending any more than that. And I’m not gonna lie, 2000 looks like a pretty steep price to me. I sure hope it doesn’t cost anything close to that where I am!

 

[Sirach2]

I believe there has been enough feedback for me to realize that my parish is not so unusual, and that this is normal elsewhere.

That being said, I am still scandalilzed that the administration of a holy sacrament in a mass setting should be so costly. [Just my opinion.] When I consider that a mass stipend is $10 average for a daily mass, I do not know why a huge fee would be charged for a wedding mass. The homily is the only added preparation that the priest must prepare for. Sure, more lighting, possibly air conditioning and/or heating … but $2,000?

Thank you all for helping out with your information. It has been very enlightening.

 

[agapewolf]

I believe there has been enough feedback for me to realize that my parish is not so unusual, and that this is normal elsewhere.

That being said, I am still scandalilzed that the administration of a holy sacrament in a mass setting should be so costly. [Just my opinion.] When I consider that a mass stipend is $10 average for a daily mass, I do not know why a huge fee would be charged for a wedding mass. The homily is the only added preparation that the priest must prepare for. Sure, more lighting, possibly air conditioning and/or heating … but $2,000?

Thank you all for helping out with your information. It has been very enlightening.

The homily is the only prep needed? You honestly have no idea what goes into having a wedding at a church.

and again, you are not being charged for the sacrament. You are being charged for the rental of the church.

If you want the wedding to take place at a normally scheduled mass, it wouldn’t cost anything.

No scandal.

 

[Sirach2]

One more little observation. I buried a family member recently, and was appalled at the add-ons and expense that the Catholic funeral home charged. It seems that when people marry or bury, there are those who will take advantage. For instance, the cost to drive the body to the crematory was $250. Figuring an hour’s wage for the driver, and gasoline for the 10 mile ride, where was the rationale for this fee?

I visited a Catholic Cemetery in Detroit area this summer, and staggered over the amount they charge to open the grave, even for a cremation! Whoa. Maybe this is for another thread, but I expect that Catholics would not gouge the public but charge honorable realistic fees.

And then there’s potters field …

 

[Sirach2]

The homily is the only prep needed? You honestly have no idea what goes into having a wedding at a church.

I have some idea, since I was the organist for many of them. Maybe you should clue me in. I really don’t want to cherish false ideas, but again, $2,000?

 

[1ke]

One more little observation. I buried a family member recently, and was appalled at the add-ons and expense that the Catholic funeral home charged.

Funeral homes are private businesses owned by individuals or corporations. There is no such thing as a “Catholic funeral home”, as in a funeral home run by the Catholic Church, although the owners may in fact be Catholic or cater to Catholic clientele.

It seems that when people marry or bury, there are those who will take advantage. For instance, the cost to drive the body to the crematory was $250. Figuring an hour’s wage for the driver, and gasoline for the 10 mile ride, where was the rationale for this fee?

You would have to ask the owner of the funeral home.

I visited a Catholic Cemetery in Detroit area this summer, and staggered over the amount they charge to open the grave, even for a cremation! Whoa. Maybe this is for another thread, but I expect that Catholics would not gouge the public but charge honorable realistic fees.

It seems uncharitable to accuse a cemetery of “price gouging” when you have no idea what their costs are.

 

[Sirach2]

1ke,

I know what I paid to open the grave here where I live, and it was 1/10th of what they charge in the other cemetery. When we visited my parents’ and grandparents’ graves, we stopped in the office to ask that the stone be raised, since it had sunk below ground level. At that time, I got a schedule of their fees, and my mouth gaped open. Yet there are only two Catholic cemeteries in the entire area, so the public are forced to pay these fees.

Call me uncharitable if you wish, but a backhoe and an operator are no different here than there, except for a small difference in hourly wage. Have you ever investigated this, or perhaps you never had to bury anyone yet?

 

[agapewolf]

OFiguring an hour’s wage for the driver, and gasoline for the 10 mile ride, where was the rationale for this fee?

Keeping the lights/heat/a/c on at the funeral home. Payroll taxes. Car insurance (more expensive due to it being a “driving” job). Wear on the vehicle, sustainance to keep the funeral home in business, taxes.

small businesses are slammed with taxes and government fees.

 

[Sirach2]

1ke:

There is no such thing as a “Catholic funeral home”, as in a funeral home run by the Catholic Church, although the owners may in fact be Catholic or cater to Catholic clientele.

Indeed, the owner is a parishioner in my church - a Catholic, serving other Catholics. Almost everyone who is buried from my church goes to them because of their proximity to the Church and his knowledge of our rite.

I would suggest to anyone following along to get their burial plots now before prices go up at a time when they can least afford it and are confronted with the cost of a funeral.

Lest you misunderstand, the gentleman is a very kindly person. I simply don’t understand the tremendous cost of funerals today.

 

[1ke]

Indeed, the owner is a parishioner in my church - a Catholic, serving other Catholics. Almost everyone who is buried from my church goes to them because of their proximity of the Church and his knowledge of our rite.

Right, it is a private business owned by private individuals. No one is obligated to use them.

 

[1ke]

Have you ever investigated this, or perhaps you never had to bury anyone yet?

Yes. I just attended the diocsean cemetery training workshop a few weeks ago as I am on the parish council of a parish with an attached cemetery.

 

[Sirach2]

Okay 1ke and Agapewolf, you win. It is right and just to charge high fees. It is distasteful to me to argue when the deck is stacked.

 

[anp1215]

Then there’s also all those on super tight budgets. 25,000 for a reception? There’s no way I could even **begin **to think aboutt spending anything near that. I will probably have to get a friend with a large backyard to let me have the reception there. 2,000 dollars for a dress? there are plenty under 500 to look at and I certainly won’t be spending any more than that. And I’m not gonna lie, 2000 looks like a pretty steep price to me. I sure hope it doesn’t cost anything close to that where I am!

My mom paid about $2,000 for my entire wedding, church, dress, reception, everything. This thread has made me kind of glad I got married before I was Catholic.