Guilt after confession

[Cimachol]

I went to confession for the first time in 10 years last month and have been trying hard to remain in a state of grace and avoid the near occasions of sin. By God’s grace, my behavior has improved. I have also deepened my prayer life and have had moments of peace. Our Church has monthly Eucharistic adoration for almost 24 hours, and I went for about 90 minutes – during most of which I was completely alone in the Church except for Jesus, and experienced tremendous peace, in which I’ve felt God’s love for the first time in ages.

Yet, even though I consciously know I’ve been forgiven for past sins, I am finding myself more aware than ever of how terrible some of the things I had done really were. my wife knows generally about some of these things, but doesn’t know all the details. The things that worry me most occurred years ago, and I don’t really see a good side to filling her in on all the details now (and I see a lot of negatives), but we are in the process of getting our marriage blessed, and I am questioning whether my marriage would still be valid if I don’t let her know exactly how horrible some of the things I’ve done were.

Like I said, she does have general knowledge of the issues, but I was not completely honest about everything at the time these thing occurred. I’ve tried to touch upon the subject with her, but she doesn’t seem to want to go down that road – she knows I’ve made mistakes, she knows I’ve worked on changing myself, and she seems at peace with where we are. She also feels that we are already validly married – she is not Catholic and just feels that this is more of a formality she is doing because she knows it’s important to me.

I’m even wondering if what I’m going through could be a kind of spiritual attack – the devil’s way of saying, “See, you can’t ever make up for what you’ve done – you’ll never be able to have unity with God or have anyone love you who knows what you really are.”

Does anyone have any wisdom to offer on this?

 

[fbl9]

I went to confession for the first time in 10 years last month and have been trying hard to remain in a state of grace and avoid the near occasions of sin. By God’s grace, my behavior has improved. I have also deepened my prayer life and have had moments of peace. Our Church has monthly Eucharistic adoration for almost 24 hours, and I went for about 90 minutes – during most of which I was completely alone in the Church except for Jesus, and experienced tremendous peace, in which I’ve felt God’s love for the first time in ages.

Yet, even though I consciously know I’ve been forgiven for past sins, I am finding myself more aware than ever of how terrible some of the things I had done really were. my wife knows generally about some of these things, but doesn’t know all the details. The things that worry me most occurred years ago, and I don’t really see a good side to filling her in on all the details now (and I see a lot of negatives), but we are in the process of getting our marriage blessed, and I am questioning whether my marriage would still be valid if I don’t let her know exactly how horrible some of the things I’ve done were.

Like I said, she does have general knowledge of the issues, but I was not completely honest about everything at the time these thing occurred. I’ve tried to touch upon the subject with her, but she doesn’t seem to want to go down that road – she knows I’ve made mistakes, she knows I’ve worked on changing myself, and she seems at peace with where we are. She also feels that we are already validly married – she is not Catholic and just feels that this is more of a formality she is doing because she knows it’s important to me.

I’m even wondering if what I’m going through could be a kind of spiritual attack – the devil’s way of saying, “See, you can’t ever make up for what you’ve done – you’ll never be able to have unity with God or have anyone love you **who knows what you really are.”**Does anyone have any wisdom to offer on this?

She’s at peace with your past leave it as the past. Her not knowing the details will not affect the validity of the marriage. And what are you really? A child of God.

 

[vames]

It’s not a spiritual attack, it’s the “attack” of your conscience, which is understandably stirred by these big events in your life. Going to confession for the first time in 10 years, the perspective of having your marriage blessed and your uncertainty about telling or not telling your wife all the details are no small things, so it’s natural that a lot of memories and the associated guilt surface again.

You can read the list of factors that can make a marriage invalid. To suspect that your marriage can be invalid according to Canon 1098 (“A person contracts invalidly who enters marriage deceived by fraud, perpetrated to obtain consent”), you’d have to say that you have hidden some grave, essential things about your past because if your wife had known about them, she wouldn’t have married you in the first place. But you say that your wife already knows about the issues and she doesn’t want to be told all the details. This is the best indication that such details won’t add any new, essential information that she needs to know about you. In every couple’s life there are untold stories from the past that don’t make any difference in the quality of the marriage and don’t affect its validity.

 

[Cimachol]

Thank you so much for the reply, fbl9. I actually felt a tremendous rush of peace just from reading these words. I still have to find a way to put the past behind me, but it does seem like opening old wounds with her is pointless, especially when she doesn’t seem to need to.

I can’t believe God would have given me those moments of assurance and peace if He had not forgiven me, so I’m still wondering if this could be a spiritual attack. I’m having moments of sins mostly forgotten pop into my head as clearly as if they’d happened yesterday – sometimes during prayer, sometimes at other moments. These were not minor, trivial sins, but everyone involved but me seems to have put them in the past.

 

[Celtic_Maiden]

Interesting, I think because you have turned your life around and come back to the Catholic Church confessed your sins, the devil is one unhappy angel, just when he thought you belonged to him, you went back over to the other side, don’t think back, you have confessed your sins, got absolution, move forwards, keep your life on the Lord’s side, ok we all fall, but we get up and start again and go to Confession, pray to Our Lord and Our Lady, to fight the good fight, remember the story of the lost sheep, there is more rejoicing in heaven over the one lost, get into during the day saying little aspirations to Our Lord- ( you know I am trying to keep on the straight and narrow because I love you, the Lord is saying to you"Worship me only" Focus on ME.

Walk with the Lord.

 

[marywarfield]

I went to confession for the first time in 10 years last month and have been trying hard to remain in a state of grace and avoid the near occasions of sin. By God’s grace, my behavior has improved. I have also deepened my prayer life and have had moments of peace. Our Church has monthly Eucharistic adoration for almost 24 hours, and I went for about 90 minutes – during most of which I was completely alone in the Church except for Jesus, and experienced tremendous peace, in which I’ve felt God’s love for the first time in ages.

Yet, even though I consciously know I’ve been forgiven for past sins, I am finding myself more aware than ever of how terrible some of the things I had done really were. my wife knows generally about some of these things, but doesn’t know all the details. The things that worry me most occurred years ago, and I don’t really see a good side to filling her in on all the details now (and I see a lot of negatives), but we are in the process of getting our marriage blessed, and I am questioning whether my marriage would still be valid if I don’t let her know exactly how horrible some of the things I’ve done were.

Like I said, she does have general knowledge of the issues, but I was not completely honest about everything at the time these thing occurred. I’ve tried to touch upon the subject with her, but she doesn’t seem to want to go down that road – she knows I’ve made mistakes, she knows I’ve worked on changing myself, and she seems at peace with where we are. She also feels that we are already validly married – she is not Catholic and just feels that this is more of a formality she is doing because she knows it’s important to me.

I’m even wondering if what I’m going through could be a kind of spiritual attack – the devil’s way of saying, “See, you can’t ever make up for what you’ve done – you’ll never be able to have unity with God or have anyone love you who knows what you really are.”

Does anyone have any wisdom to offer on this?

Your continued guilt after confession is an entirely
seperate event from the validity of your marriage.
There is no need to disturb your wife’s peace or
yours in detailing to her sins you have already been
forgiven for.

Understand the devil doesn’t just give up. All he’s doing
is attempting to instill doubt that your sins are forgiven.

So make an act of Charity to God frequently out of gratitude,
maybe begin to offer prayers as it occurs to you on
on behalf of the Holy Souls in Purgatory,
and go have a blessed life.

 

[DoGodsBidding]

I went to confession for the first time in 10 years last month and have been trying hard to remain in a state of grace and avoid the near occasions of sin. By God’s grace, my behavior has improved. I have also deepened my prayer life and have had moments of peace. Our Church has monthly Eucharistic adoration for almost 24 hours, and I went for about 90 minutes – during most of which I was completely alone in the Church except for Jesus, and experienced tremendous peace, in which I’ve felt God’s love for the first time in ages.

Yet, even though I consciously know I’ve been forgiven for past sins, I am finding myself more aware than ever of how terrible some of the things I had done really were. my wife knows generally about some of these things, but doesn’t know all the details. The things that worry me most occurred years ago, and I don’t really see a good side to filling her in on all the details now (and I see a lot of negatives), but we are in the process of getting our marriage blessed, and I am questioning whether my marriage would still be valid if I don’t let her know exactly how horrible some of the things I’ve done were.

Like I said, she does have general knowledge of the issues, but I was not completely honest about everything at the time these thing occurred. I’ve tried to touch upon the subject with her, but she doesn’t seem to want to go down that road – she knows I’ve made mistakes, she knows I’ve worked on changing myself, and she seems at peace with where we are. She also feels that we are already validly married – she is not Catholic and just feels that this is more of a formality she is doing because she knows it’s important to me.

I’m even wondering if what I’m going through could be a kind of spiritual attack – the devil’s way of saying, “See, you can’t ever make up for what you’ve done – you’ll never be able to have unity with God or have anyone love you who knows what you really are.”

Does anyone have any wisdom to offer on this?

We have a loving and forgiving God, who’s mercy is limitless. Sometimes the hardest part is to forgive ourselves, but this is exactly what God wants us to do. Be at peace, for Jesus has already paid the price for our sins.

DGB

 

[Stephanie_B]

I suggest that you read the Discernment of Spirits or find a series of talks on them via you tube. It was written by St Ignatius of Loyola, I have found this very helpful in times of trial.

Sometimes after a life away from Our Lord, he gives us the Grace of True Repentance and Sorrow. It should inspire us to do acts of reparation for the temporal punishments owing for our own sins.

On the other hand it could be the devil trying to pull you away from God and back to your former life.

So the best weapons in your arsenal are the Discernment of Spirit and the Rules by St Ignatius. Talk to your priest. And pray the Rosary and ask for Graces daily.

Pax Christi.

youtube.com/watch?v=13JTc5XP6M0

 

[fbl9]

Thank you so much for the reply, fbl9. I actually felt a tremendous rush of peace just from reading these words. I still have to find a way to put the past behind me, but it does seem like opening old wounds with her is pointless, especially when she doesn’t seem to need to.

I can’t believe God would have given me those moments of assurance and peace if He had not forgiven me, so I’m still wondering if this could be a spiritual attack. I’m having moments of sins mostly forgotten pop into my head as clearly as if they’d happened yesterday – sometimes during prayer, sometimes at other moments. These were not minor, trivial sins, but everyone involved but me seems to have put them in the past.

Thank God for his mercy and forgiveness every time one of these past sins pop up in your mind.
You are a free man live like one. (free from your past sin)

 

[fred_conty]

You are not a second class citizen of heaven but rather a first class one for Jesus made you one when he said the words, “I absolve you of your sins.” You no longer have to hang you head. He loves you and has forgiven you completely. You are one with him.

Your wife would be better not knowing for this would preserve her peace as well. That is the charitable thing to do.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.

 

[Cimachol]

Thank you all so much for these responses. It is possible, as vames suggested, that it is not a spiritual attack but the result of going to Confession and my conscience being stirred up. I think that with habitual sin often comes an adeptness at rationalizing guilt instead of accepting personal responsibility. In the light of truth, I can see how bad my past deeds really were and the pain that I brought to others.

I also have a long history of depression, and one of the common symptoms (and contributing factors) is a tendency to ruminate – to get stuck in one’s head over-analyzing things at the expense of focusing on the present.

It is also possible that the devil is at work here, trying to discourage me and distract me in my pursuit of holiness.

I am trying to deal with this guilt in a positive way – looking for opportunities to be more loving and compassionate to the people in my life in the here and now, and to be a better father and husband. I am also trying to be more consistent with daily prayer and developing a deeper relationship with God.