Guilt from spending money

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dejagerw

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My husband and I live very frugally. In all but one area, vacations. We don’t go crazy on vacation. We still make a lot of our own meals, try to get good deals, and keep costs down where we can. However, we still spend a lot of money taking our family of 5 places. It is not that we don’t have the money to do this. But for some reason we feel guilty at the idea of spending all that money on a trip. I am not sure what we would do with the money if we wouldn’t go. We already give 10% of our money to charity. I know we could give more, but I am not sure if that would make us feel any better. (We recently bumped up our charitable giving from 5% gross to 10% gross pay. While we give much more now, we don’t really get any real warm and fuzzy feelings from our charitable giving).

I guess we just feel guilty that we can afford a nice vacation while so many struggle. Any advice?
 
You seem to be very generous in giving to others. That is good. But we are also called to “love ourselves” and part of that is creating a loving family. We went on simple vacations (6 of us) and it was time well spent. We became much closer as a family and, now, look back on those times with great memories still shared. The funny stories, the crises, the time the car broke down hundreds of miles from home … all good because we shared them together … and we made the good even better by sharing those tough times.I watch with great pleasure as my children are now taking their children on the same types of vacation. Family vacations that strengthen their bonds of their love. Please treasure the time together and the memories that will be shared.
 
dejagerw said:
My husband and I live very frugally. In all but one area, vacations. We don’t go crazy on vacation. We still make a lot of our own meals, try to get good deals, and keep costs down where we can. However, we still spend a lot of money taking our family of 5 places. It is not that we don’t have the money to do this. But for some reason we feel guilty at the idea of spending all that money on a trip. I am not sure what we would do with the money if we wouldn’t go. We already give 10% of our money to charity. I know we could give more, but I am not sure if that would make us feel any better. (We recently bumped up our charitable giving from 5% gross to 10% gross pay. While we give much more now, we don’t really get any real warm and fuzzy feelings from our charitable giving).

I guess we just feel guilty that we can afford a nice vacation while so many struggle. Any advice?
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Wow, I could have written this myself because I’m planning another family vacation this year and I also struggle with guilt over spending the money. However, there is a value to spending time as an extended family (adult children and grandchildren) that you really can’t put a price on.

I’ve also thought about all the people whose livelihood depends on travelers - not getting rich, but earning a living to feed their kids. When we were in Jamaica 8 years ago (not something we do often, it was a one-time thing) I had severe culture shock and wanted to turn around and go back. I felt so guilty spending time in a resort being waited on. Then it dawned on me that if we weren’t there and recommending it as a destination to others, these very gracious and lovely people who tried so hard to please could lose their jobs.

So, like you, we live frugally in order to support the Church and charities, and give thanks to God that we are able to also have this family time. That being said, I’m still not always 100% comfortable about it.
 
I agree with what mikeghiorso wrote above. You are doing a great job as parents and as Christians!

Let me add that family vacations and outings are a valuable learning opportunity for the kids. They learn how to:
  • plan a trip
  • prepare and pack
  • travel
  • endure unfamiliar and/or stressful situations,
  • solve problems
  • be patient
  • be bored
  • live within their means
  • and have fun!
and they learn about:
  • transportation
  • geography
  • weather
  • regional culture (food, accent, way of conversing)
  • their cultural heritage
and probably a lot more. Think about what your children get out of it. They really need it, and the lessons they learn will benefit them throughout life.

I suspect you and your husband learn and grow by it as well.

Good luck, and Bon Voyage!
 
mikeghiorso said:
You seem to be very generous in giving to others. That is good. But we are also called to “love ourselves” and part of that is creating a loving family. We went on simple vacations (6 of us) and it was time well spent. We became much closer as a family and, now, look back on those times with great memories still shared. The funny stories, the crises, the time the car broke down hundreds of miles from home … all good because we shared them together … and we made the good even better by sharing those tough times.I watch with great pleasure as my children are now taking their children on the same types of vacation. Family vacations that strengthen their bonds of their love. Please treasure the time together and the memories that will be shared.
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Yes.

A lot of times, home is where the work is, so it’s important to get away from chores and do things as a family from time to time.

With regard to getting more bang from your buck out of charity, how about thinking harder about where you are giving, involving the kids in your choices (if they’re big enough), and perhaps doing some personal charity. A lot of times, there will be things where you think, “Hey, wouldn’t it be great if somebody did XYZ?” And you know what–you could do XYZ. Also, there are probably deserving people in your social circle and community (particularly young parents) that could use a helping hand. But you’d need to figure out how to do this without hurting anybody’s dignity. (To give an example, in our family, we give a check for $300 each time one of the graduate families we know has a baby.) The more people you know and the better you know them and understand what their needs are, the better you’ll be able to help people in need.
 
My husband and I did a lot of things right while we were raising our daughters (now 29 and 31 years old). The girls turned out great, and we are so proud of them, and pleased with our child-rearing strategy, and would recommend our methods to anyone.

However…one of the few things we regret is that we didn’t do more family vacations.

We did a lot of figure skating competitions and travelled all over, but they were “task-oriented.” We weren’t there just to have a good time, but to compete and hopefully earn medals.

We always talked about taking that big vacation out west to see the Grand Canyon and all the sights, but we never did. And we really regret it, especially since now my knee arthritis is getting so bad that it’s very hard for me to enjoy places where I have to do much walking. (I was spry as a cat when I was younger!)

The girls don’t blame us for it. But when we are all together, we do talk about how we wished we had done more family vacations. It’s almost impossible to do them once the kids are grown and on their own.
 
You are acting according to your state in life, which pleases God very much 🙂

Even religious have time for recreation in their Rule of Life. Abd here is a little story about that:

A monk was going from one place to another and he stopped for a break. A hunter returning home from the hunt saw him and teased him about relaxing under a tree instead of kneeling at prayer. The monk asked the hunter why his bow was unstrung, and the hunter said that if he kept it strung all the time, the bow would stop working well. It had to be unstrung to allow it to “rest” so it woul function well the next time he went hunting.

And the monk said, and so it is for us humans, even monks.

(or words to that effect :))
 
I think one of the best things you can do for your children, if you can afford it, is to bring them other places and show them as much of the world as you can. So much can be learned from visiting a new place that will never be learned at home or in school. You can look at it as an investment in your children’s lives. It’s also really important to take time out from the usual stresses and strains of regular humdrum life and relax doing something fun. And just remember you are creating great family memories that they will cherish as they grow up. Don’t feel guilty, just enjoy your vacations!
 
You are investing time, talent, and memories into your family. This is an investment that will have countless dividend payouts. Just make sure to include God and his Glory during vacation to multiply this investment!
 
I don’t think you should feel guilty about spending money on a nice vacation. As you said, you live frugally the rest of the time. It takes a lot to have a decent vacation for a family of 5. You could go camping or something similar to have a rather inexpensive vacation, but not everyone likes that sort of thing. It expands a child’s world to visit other places and have new experiences. Plus, everyone needs to relax at times.
 
When my son was growing up we went on trips every summer. Not that extravagant, but they were fun and we always learned something.
It was a good break from the routine. He is now married and I see how important it is for him to take his family on vacations so I think it is important.
 
I grew up in a family with two working parents and I’m here to say that our family trips were very important to us. This was precious time spent together without any distractions. However, the necessity of some family time together doesn’t automatically excuse constantly having lavish, extreme vacations that involve coral reefs, swimming with the dolphins, cruise ships, etc, or spending money to the point of debt or neglecting other financial obligations. A family trip can be as simple as a two hour car ride to a neighboring city, a night in the Holiday Inn (with a pool, of course!) and a picnic in a state park. There are all kinds of creative ways to spend time together without dropping a fortune in Mickey Mouse ears and trips to the Statue of Liberty. Camping, overnight drives in the country, weekend trips to a nearby city with a zoo, that sort of thing gets the job done. So, no reason to feel guilty about investing a reasonable amount of money on important family time.

PS- If anyone in the Midwest or gulf coast is looking for a good family vacation destination, Saint Louis is a great place to take kids. There are plenty of reasonable accomadations that include free breakfasts and pools. Most of our attractions are completely free to the public. We have one of the best zoos in the country, with no admission cost. Free art museum, history museum, state and county parks, museum under the arch, gardens, sprinkler parks, even an outdoor theater that has hundreds of free seats and performs musicals in the summer. We also have a Six Flags. (not free)
 
I will second everything Beryllos said, and add 1 great reason for travelling: God made a big world for us to explore, and we ought to experience it.
 
Allegra said:
I grew up in a family with two working parents and I’m here to say that our family trips were very important to us. This was precious time spent together without any distractions. However, the necessity of some family time together doesn’t automatically excuse constantly having lavish, extreme vacations that involve coral reefs, swimming with the dolphins, cruise ships, etc, or spending money to the point of debt or neglecting other financial obligations. A family trip can be as simple as a two hour car ride to a neighboring city, a night in the Holiday Inn (with a pool, of course!) and a picnic in a state park. There are all kinds of creative ways to spend time together without dropping a fortune in Mickey Mouse ears and trips to the Statue of Liberty. Camping, overnight drives in the country, weekend trips to a nearby city with a zoo, that sort of thing gets the job done. So, no reason to feel guilty about investing a reasonable amount of money on important family time.

PS- If anyone in the Midwest or gulf coast is looking for a good family vacation destination, Saint Louis is a great place to take kids. There are plenty of reasonable accomadations that include free breakfasts and pools. Most of our attractions are completely free to the public. We have one of the best zoos in the country, with no admission cost. Free art museum, history museum, state and county parks, museum under the arch, gardens, sprinkler parks, even an outdoor theater that has hundreds of free seats and performs musicals in the summer. We also have a Six Flags. (not free)
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This is less affordable than St. Louis, but the two big kids and I had an awesome weekend with grandma in Seattle late last fall. We stayed two (I think) nights in a hotel with suites and kitchenette within walking distance of Seattle Center and we had such a good time. There was even a church within walking distance of Seattle Center and we went there for Mass. And a good grocery store one block from the hotel.

We did the Space Needle (too cold for the kids that time of year out on the observation deck!), the glass museum, and did a little visit to Pacific Science Center (we could have spent way more time there). Free breakfast, outings just in the mornings, lots of downtime at the hotel, and then outings for food. We could definitely have spent another night there (there’s a whole other pop culture museum we didn’t go to). It was so much fun! (Grandma paid for our hotel, meals and tickets. Yay, grandma!)

When I was a kid, we did nice ski vacations and the very, very occasional Disneyland/Knotts Berry Farm/Seaworld trip, but one of our most common trips was my parents, us kids, and my grandparents going down south to do repairs on a rental house. There was a pool at the motel and my mom got to make a rare and much enjoyed visit to the mall. A good time was had by all.

I think you can get a lot of bang for your buck from two night outings (or even one night outings).

And yeah, this is the kind of thing that kids remember.
 
The same generous grandma also funded a trip for our family and another relative to Disneyland about 4 years ago. We had a fantastic time! (Kids were 8 and 6 at the time.)

That’s the only time I’ve been in the last 18+ years. I’d love to go back.
 
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