Guilt of a Catholic Upbringing

[RachelsAlumni]

I think some are confusing guilt with fear.

I’m a cradle Catholic and I agree with RobHom. Most of the guilt I’ve felt in my life was taught me by my mother laying a guilt trip on me. For example, if I didn’t eat all the food on my plate she’d say, “think of all the starving children in China”. My mom thought I was being ungrateful for the food we had on our table, which was probably true. If I complained about having to walk 4 or 5 blocks to school I’d get the story of how she walked 10 miles to school and back, in the snow, with holes in her shoes. It seemed it was always geared towards teaching me to be more grateful for the things I have, and it worked.

Mom also had pictures of the Holy Family, the Blessed Virgin Mary, the Sacred Heart of Jesus all over the house. So that at any time I had done something wrong there was always these images looking down on me.

Probably the most vivid “guilt trip” memory I have (that actually is something I look back on with humor) was when mom decided one year to put a straw in Jesus’ cradle for every good deed we did, and remove a straw for every bad deed. Well…come Christmas morning poor little baby Jesus had only a few sparse pieces of straw in His manger. Mom never did that again.

When I was growing up the schools also had corporal punishment. At Catholic school that meant a wooden paddle about 12" long and about 2" thick with holes in it.

Our culture was entirely different in those days than it is today. No doubt there are going to be things that the nuns did differently in those days, probably the same things that were done to them in their childhood.

For the most part, I look back on my upbringing with the fondest of memories, guilt and all.

 

[RachelsAlumni]

A friend of mine around 30 was educated in Argentina even had some experience like this in her own lifetime. A nun told a class of five year olds that God kills those that sin, so you better not sin, this right after her baby brother died. She went home crying and asked her mother what sin her baby brother commited that God would kill him.

How do you know that’s what the teacher actually said, as opposed to that’s how a 5 year old understood it? The nun could have just quoted and discussed the scripture “The wages of sin is death”

I agree that all these things you describe are simple misunderstandings and not what the Church teaches. Some seem more to me like a kind of superstitious belief.

 

[KingAlfred]

“I have heard this before, but I don’t have any understanding of what they are actually talking about.”

It goes to the issue of essential Catholic psychology. Because love is the ‘glue’ that holds Catholicism together, as opposed to faith, which holds Protestantism together, Catholics subconsciously measure their religious commitment and sense of self-worth by how much they love others. Meanwhile, our typical human weaknesses make the ideal of perfect love impossible to attain. When Catholics, as typical people, fall short of meeting that standard, they feel guilt, and consider themselves unworthy. The standard of sainthood, for example, is that very standard – the standard of perfect love.

Have any of you heard this before?

I suffer from it myself, rather severely. For example, I love my students. Many them sense that about me, and take advantage. While I am a strong person, many interpret my kindness as extreme weakness. I’ve tried to change, but can’t. That’s the way God made me.

“What are they talking about?”

Unfulfilled Catholic idealism, and the emotional consequences of the impossibility of fulfilling it. That’s why going to confession is so important. It helps us maintain our sanity.

“Is this just more anti-catholicism urban legend type stuff?”

I wish it were. It’s very real, and at times, very painful. BUT…it’s also the essence of true Christianity. Discipleship is hard. Jesus was betrayed, falsely convicted, tortured, executed sadistically in public, and all tolled, suffered horribly, all in the name of rescuing Man from his gruesome, fallen nature. We must be prepared to walk in every single one of his blood-stained footsteps, for the sake of perfect love.

 

[1ke]

No, Lily. The question should be why on earth would a child of 7 be belittled in front of the class by a nun because she wore the wrong color socks? Why should this child be told hell was her final destination for such an infraction?

Please don’t minimize the very real experience that many, many Catholics have had either through the transforming religious education system of the 60’s or the generation of parents who raised those children with a less than stellar understanding of their faith.

Why on earth would a 9 year old child be belittled in front of the entire class and told he was nothing but trash and be made to sit in the garbage can? Why would children who talk have duct tape put around their heads and then pulled off or the teacher’s dagger-like fingernails plunged into their scalp until it bled?

Because abusers are everywhere and they aren’t all nuns.

My fourth grade year in public school was hell because our teacher was a nut case. She did all sorts of physically and mentally abusive things to us kids (thankfully, I was a good kid and didn’t get much abuse).

 

[Al_Masetti]

Based on what I’ve read in this thread, this might be an appropriate point to interject a bit about “scrupulosity”.

The idea of feeling guilty about everything is real. And it’s limited to Catholics. Some of my Jewish friends have a lot of it as well.

I’m going to post some links here that might be helpful.

Scrupulosity is one of the obsessive-compulsive disorders.

The following gets posted probably several times a month.

Try the links below; they may be of some help.

Scrupulous Anonymous
mission.liguori.org/newsletters/scrupanon.htm

mission.liguori.org/newsletters/scrupulosity.htm

liguori.org/productdetails.cfm?PC=8976

Scrupulosity And How To Overcome It
by Rev. Thomas M. Santa, CSSR

catholic.com/thisrock/2000/0012fea2.asp

catholicculture.org/library/view.cfm?recnum=3739

I get the newsletters by mail. The book was out of print at one point, but they may have reprinted it.

But please check out the Web site and the back issues of the newsletter.

I just did this Google search:

google.com/search?hl=en&q=liguori+scrupulosity+and+how+to+overcome+it&btnG=Google+Search

and also found this:

catholicspiritualdirection.org/scrupulosity.html

There is a lot of useful reading available out there, so it obviously is a major issue with many Catholics (and others as well).

 

[LilyM]

Al, I trust you were meaning to say it’s NOT only limited to Catholics?

 

[blessedtoo]

Why on earth would a 9 year old child be belittled in front of the entire class and told he was nothing but trash and be made to sit in the garbage can? Why would children who talk have duct tape put around their heads and then pulled off or the teacher’s dagger-like fingernails plunged into their scalp until it bled?

Because abusers are everywhere and they aren’t all nuns.

My fourth grade year in public school was hell because our teacher was a nut case. She did all sorts of physically and mentally abusive things to us kids (thankfully, I was a good kid and didn’t get much abuse).

Not sure what your point is.

The OP asked about Catholic guilt. I relayed my experience - 12 years of it in Catholic schools with nuns and an over-zealous, slightly scrupulous and obsessive compulsive mother.

I didn’t call it abuse. It was the way things were and I’ve since gotten over it. But it took over 42 years. My sisters have not been as fortunate and blessed. They still struggle with guilt, faith, God, and the past.

It’s just my story. It’s what the OP asked for.

 

[Al_Masetti]

Al, I trust you were meaning to say it’s NOT only limited to Catholics?

Oops!

That’s exactly right. NOT only limited to Catholics.

[Sometimes my tongue gets twisted around my eye tooth and I can’t see what I’m saying/ typing.]



MANY people are plagued by generalized guilt … I’ve probably spent as much time counseling Jewish and Muslim people as I have Catholics and non-Catholic Christians.

 

[KingAlfred]

“That being said I have to comment that many of our Public School teachers today are educated, but unlearned.”

I’ve been a public school teacher for the last four and a half years, and yes, I’d have to agree. Secular-liberalism is rampant in education. Teachers – especially female teachers – tend to be *‘fire-brand’ *liberals, and go out of their way to teach secular-liberalism to their students. Many of these teachers actively *despise *The Establishment, especially religion. AND I TEACH IN SOUTH TEXAS, RIGHT ON THE EDGE OF THE BIBLE-BELT! It’s very frustrating.