Guilt of past sins

[willsmith94]

Hello everyone. I am sort of new to these forums. Anyways, I have a thing which has been weighing heavily on my mind for quite a while now. First, a little background on my faith life. I was raised catholic since birth. I attended catholic school until 5th grade, which I then transfered to a public school for a cheaper and better education than I was receiving. While attending public school, my faith came and gone. I always had faith, but I didn’t consider my faith a very important part of my life. And so, I did not take sins very seriously. Even mortal ones. During my last years of grade school, and then highschool, I commited the worst and most sins of my life. I was a bully for one. I myself was bullied, so I became a bully in order to appear “cool” to the other bullies. I talked behind peoples backs and gossiped about them. I used people for my own selfish desires. I hated my life, the world, and many people. Then I commited multiple mortal sins daily and even received the eucharist while in a state of mortal sin. These, and many more sins plagued my life. It wasnt until college that I really reconnected to the faith and with God. I became involved with the campus ministry and several clubs at the church on campus. I’m now a junior and consider my faith an important part of my everyday life. As I have grown in my faith, so to has my seriousness regarding our faith. I take sins, and the near occasions of sin much more seriously. I renounced the life I had been living and have attempted my best to sin no more. I have been going to confession on a much more regular basis and have found to be help me a lot. While I have significantly improved and will make sure to never commit the sins that I committed before and never act the way that I did back in late grade school and highschool, I still have thoughts about those days and the sins I committed back then. I still feel horrible and disgusted by what I did and how I acted. I know that I cannot undo what I have done, but I wish that I could so much. While I have repented, I still feel so awful and guilty. Is there any advice that you all could provide me with regarding this issue? I worry sometimes that I may not be worthy of God’s grace. Maybe I’m suppose to feel guilty about what I’ve done, I was a truly awful person. But I am curious about whether or not there is a way for me to overcome this issue, because this guilt has been affecting my life and has been making feel very depressed and anxious.

 

[Mummsie]

You confessed these sins, right? Then God has forgiven you.

The only reason to look back is to learn from your mistakes. Perhaps, now, you can take those past errors and put them to use in a positive way. Could you possibly speak at local schools against bullying and tell them what you’ve learned… maybe apologize to any students that have been bullied.. It would take some real courage and grace. I’m sure the Holy Spirit would help with this. Have you tried making amends with the people you harmed with bullying and other sins?

I’ve read the devil is always around to drag up our past sins. Don’t buy into it. Don’t let him fill you with despair. You have been forgiven by Jesus Christ; now forgive yourself.

God Bless You.

 

[PonderingJak]

I suggest apologizing to your victims and encouraging who used to be your fellow bullies to be more positive and to see the Light of Christ. This would help your conscience a great deal (I believe at least) but would only work if you were able to contact the people previously mentioned. I suggest doing it personally, not email, over the phone if you have to. It would show that you cared

 

[Jerusha]

I agree with the above. With guidance, you can undo the damage you did by making reparations, and becoming active in the anti-bullying movement.

Did you learn bullying behaviors in the home (parental discord)? Learning why you did what you did can also go a long way towards forgiving yourself. Accepting forgiveness because God is not a bully fits in with that.

 

[josh987654321]

.

I hope the following will help -
Jesus to Catalina:

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf
(Roman Catholic Imprimatur)

**Contemplate My wounds and see if there is anyone who has suffered as much as I, to show their love…

Contemplate for a moment these bloodstained hands and feet… This naked body, covered with wounds, with urine, and blood. Dirty… This head punctured by sharp thorns, soaked in sweat, full of dust, and covered in Blood…

Contemplate your Jesus, hanging on the Cross, without being able to make the slightest movement… naked, without fame, without honor, without liberty…

Contemplate Me in the image of the Christ that weeps and bleeds. There and in this way the world has Me.**

http://s24.postimg.org/s91lh9u91/Crucifixion.jpg
The Gospel of Luke:

34 And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.

Divine Mercy Image - St. Faustina

http://s28.postimg.org/746uzccbx/Divine_Mercy.jpg

Jesus to St Faustina

"These two rays issued forth from the very depths of My tender mercy when My agonized Heart was opened by a lance on the Cross." (Diary, 299)

"My Heart overflows with great mercy for souls, and especially for poor sinners. If only they could understand that I am the best of Fathers to them and that it is for them that the Blood and Water flowed from My Heart as from a fount overflowing with mercy." (Diary, 367).

"Tell sinful souls not to be afraid to approach Me; speak to them of My great mercy" (Diary, 1396).

**“I never reject a contrite heart.” **(Diary, 1485).

"…when you go to confession, to this fountain of My mercy, the Blood and Water which came forth from My Heart always flows down upon your soul and ennobles it. Every time you go to confession, immerse yourself entirely in My mercy, with great trust, so that I may pour the bounty of My grace upon your soul. When you approach the confessional, know this, that I myself am waiting there for you. I am only hidden by the priest, but I myself act in your soul. Here the misery of the soul meets the God of mercy. Souls draw graces solely with the vessel of trust. If their trust is great, there is no limit to My generosity. The torrents of grace inundate humble souls." (Diary, 1603).

http://s28.postimg.org/6bvy5pai5/Prodigal_Son.jpg
Jesus to Catalina:

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf
(Roman Catholic Imprimatur)

**I want to teach sinners that because they have sinned, they should not distance themselves from Me thinking that they no longer have recourse and that they will never be loved as before they sinned. Poor souls! These are not the feelings of a God who has shed all His Blood for you. Come to Me all of you and fear not, because I love you. I will cleanse you with My Blood and you will be as white as snow. I will drown your sins in the water of My Mercy and nothing will be able to snatch from My Heart the Love that I have for you. **

How to Pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy

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[josh987654321]

Extract from the book 'The Dolorous Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ' by Anne Catherine Emmerich:

The Dolorous Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ (Roman Catholic Imprimatur and Nihil Obstat)

**CHAPTER XIV

The Despair of Judas**

Whilst the Jews were conducting Jesus to Pilate, the traitor Judas walked about listening to the conversation of the crowd who followed, and his ears were struck by words such as these: ‘They are taking him before Pilate; the High Priests have condemned the Galilean to death; he will be crucified; they will accomplish his death; he has been already dreadfully ill-treated; his patience is wonderful; he answers not; his only words are that he is the Messiah, and that he will be seated at the right hand of God; they will crucify him on account of those words; had he not said them they could not have condemned him to death. The miscreant who sold him was one of his disciples, and had a short time before eaten the Paschal lamb with him; not for worlds would I have had to do with such an act; however guilty the Galilean may be, he has not at all events sold his friend for money; such an infamous character as this disciple is infinitely more deserving of death.’ Then, but too late, anguish, despair, and remorse took possession of the mind of Judas. Satan instantly prompted him to fly. He fled as if a thousand furies were at his heel, and the bag which was hanging at his side struck him as he ran, and propelled him as a spur from hell; but he took it into his hand to prevent its blows. He fled as fast as possible, but where did he fly? Not towards the crowd, that he might cast himself at the feet of Jesus, his merciful Saviour, implore his pardon, and beg to die with him,— not to confess his fault with true repentance before God, but to endeavour to unburden himself before the world of his crime, and of the price of his treachery. He ran like one beside himself into the Temple, where several members of the Council had gathered together after the judgment of Jesus. They looked at one another with astonishment; and then turned their haughty countenances, on which a smile of irony was visible, upon Judas. He with a frantic gesture tore the thirty pieces of silver from his side, and holding them forth with his right hand, exclaimed in accents of the most deep despair, ‘ Take back your silver—that silver with which you bribed me to betray this just man; take back your silver; release Jesus; our compact is at an end; I have sinned grievously, for I have betrayed innocent blood.’ The priests answered him in the most contemptuous manner, and, as if fearful of contaminating themselves by the contact of the reward of the traitor, would not touch the silver he tended, but replied, ‘What have we to do with thy sin? If thou thinkest to have sold innocent blood, it is thine own affair; we know what we have paid for, and we have judged him worthy of death. Thou hast thy money, say no more.’ They addressed these words to him in the abrupt tone in which men usually speak when anxious to get rid of a troublesome person, and instantly arose and walked away. These words filled Judas with such rage and despair that he became almost frantic: his hair stood on end on his head; he rent in two the bag which contained the thirty pieces of silver, cast them down in the Temple, and fled to the outskirts of the town.

175

I again beheld him rushing to and fro like a madman in the valley of Hinnom: Satan was by his side in a hideous form, whispering in his ear, to endeavour to drive him to despair, all the curses which the prophets had hurled upon this valley, where the Jews formerly sacrificed their children to idols.

It appeared as if all these maledictions were directed against him, as in these words, for instance: ‘ They shall go forth, and behold the carcases of those who have sinned against me, whose worm dieth not, and whose fire shall never be extinguished.’ Then the devil murmured in his ears, ‘Cain, where is thy brother Abel? What hast thou done?—his blood cries to me for vengeance: thou art cursed upon earth, a wanderer for ever.’ When he reached the torrent of Cedron, and saw Mount Olivet, he shuddered, turned away, and again the words vibrated in his ear, ‘Friend, whereto art thou come? Judas, dost thou betray the Son of Man with a kiss?’ Horror filled his soul, his head began to wander, and the arch fiend again whispered, ‘It was here that David crossed the Cedron when he fled from Absalom. Absalom put an end to his life by hanging himself. It was of thee that David spoke when he said: “And they repaid me evil for good; hatred for my love. May the devil stand at his right hand; when he is judged, may he go out condemned. May his days be few, and his bishopric let another take. May the iniquity of his father be remembered in the sight of the Lord; and let not the sin of his mother be blotted out, because he remembered not to show mercy, but persecuted the poor man and the beggar and the broken in heart, to put him to death. And he loved cursing, and it shall come unto him. And he put on cursing like a garment, and it went in like water into his entrails, and like oil into his bones. May it be unto him like a garment which covereth him and like a girdle, with which he is girded continually.”

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[josh987654321]

Continued:

Overcome by these terrible thoughts Judas rushed on, and reached the foot of the mountain. It was a dreary, desolate spot filled with rubbish and putrid remains; discordant sounds from the city reverberated in his ears, and Satan continually repeated, ‘They are now about to put him to death; thou hast sold him. Knowest thou not the words of the law, “He who sells a soul among his brethren, and receives the price of it, let him die the death”? Put an end to thy misery, wretched one; put an end to thy misery.’ Overcome by despair Judas tore off his girdle, and hung himself on a tree which grew in a crevice of the rock, and after death his body burst asunder, and his bowels were scattered around.
Jesus to Catalina:

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

(Roman Catholic Imprimatur)

**2) After Judas handed Me over in the Garden of Olives, he wandered off and took flight, unable to stifle the cries of his conscience, which accused him of the most horrible sacrilege. When the news of My death sentence reached his ears, he gave in to the most terrible despair and hanged himself.

1. Who can possibly understand the intense pain in My Heart when I saw that soul cast himself into eternal damnation? He who had spent three years in the school of My Love learning My doctrine, receiving My teaching, and many times hearing My lips forgive the greatest sinners.
2. Judas! Why do you not come and throw yourself at My feet so that I may forgive you? If you do not dare to come near Me for fear of those who surround Me and so ardently abuse Me, at least look at Me and you will see how soon My eyes will fix on you.
3. Souls, who are entangled in the greatest sins… If at times you have lived wandering as fugitives because of your crimes, if the sins of which you are guilty have blinded you and hardened your hearts, if in the pursuit of some passion you have fallen into greater disorder, do not allow desperation to take possession of you when the accomplices to your sin abandon you and your soul realizes its guilt. As long as man has an instant of life, he still has time to appeal to My Mercy and implore forgiveness.
4. If you are young and the scandals of your past life have left you in a state of degradation before men, do not be afraid! Even though the world may despise you, treat you as wicked, insult and abandon you, be certain that your God does not want your soul to be fodder for the flames of hell. He wants you to dare to speak to Him, to direct your gaze and the sighs of your heart at Him, and you will soon see that His kind and paternal hand will lead you to the source of forgiveness and of life.
5. If out of malice you have perhaps spent a large part of your life in disorder and indifference, and now near eternity, desperation wants to blindfold your eyes, do not allow yourself to be deceived. There is still time for forgiveness. Listen carefully: if you have left but a second of life, take advantage of it because you could gain eternal life during that second.
6. If your existence has passed in ignorance and in error, if you have been the cause of great harm to people, to society, and even to religion, and for any reason you recognize your mistake, do not allow yourself to be pulled down by the burden of your sins or by the harm for which you have been instrumental. But instead, allow your soul to be penetrated with the deepest sorrow, absorb yourself in trust and turn to the One who is always waiting to forgive you.
7. The same happens for a soul who has spent the first years of its life in faithful observance of My Commandments, but has little by little fallen away from fervor into a lukewarm and comfortable life …
8. Do not hide anything that I tell you, for it is all for the benefit of the whole of humanity. Repeat it in broad daylight; preach it to those who truly want to hear it.
9. The soul who one day receives a strong jolt that awaken it, all of a sudden sees its life fruitless, empty and undeserving of eternity. The Evil One, with infernal jealousy, attacks it in a thousand ways, exaggerating its faults. He inspires in it sadness and discouragement, leading in the end to fear and desperation.
10. Soul that belongs to Me, do not pay attention to the cruel enemy. As soon as you feel the movement of grace at the beginning of your struggle, come to My Heart. Feel and watch how it pours a drop of its Blood upon your soul, and come to Me. You know where I am, under the veil of faith… Lift it and, with complete trust, tell Me all your sorrows, your miseries, your falls… Listen to My words with respect and do not fear for the past. My Heart has submerged it in the endless depths of My Mercy and My Love.
11. Your past life will give you the humility that will fill you. And if you want to give Me the best proof of love, trust Me and count on My forgiveness. Believe that your sins will never be greater than My infinite Mercy.**

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[josh987654321]

Sacred Heart of Jesus - St Margaret-Mary Alacoque

http://s15.postimg.org/uc0cy5a0r/st_margaretmary2.jpg

Jesus to St Margaret-Mary Alacoque

**"Behold this Heart which has loved men so much that it has spared nothing, even to exhausting **(Crucifixion) and consuming itself (Last Supper, Eucharist) in order to testify to them it’s love."
Jesus to Catalina:

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf
(Roman Catholic Imprimatur)

13) My children, poor sinners! Do not distance yourselves from Me. I wait for you night and day at the Tabernacle. I will not reproach you for your crimes; I will not throw your sins in your face. What I will do is to wash you with the Blood of My wounds. Do not be afraid; come to Me. You do not know how much I love you.

Jesus to Catalina:

The Great Crusade of Mercy - loveandmercy.org/Eng-CM-Reg.pdf
(Roman Catholic Imprimatur)

**I want to talk to you about My Mercy; I want to teach you Mercy; I want you to preach My Mercy. But in order to speak of it, you need to feel love because a person who does not love, cannot know Mercy.

1. If you love, it is because I loved you first; just as I am Love. Whoever knows how to love remains in Me and I in him. My Father did not send Me as an offering for you to love Me, but because My Father is Love and I am one with My Father. Therefore, understand that nothing is sweeter than love, for it proceeds from the One who is the Creator of everything.
2. And so, if you want to be merciful to your fellow human being, first you have to love and be compassionate to that person and if you want to receive Mercy, you must let yourself be loved. Mercy is the chain that unites with love, for one cannot love without being merciful. Understand that My love is without measure, it does not feel burdensome, nor does it value effort, it is simply given. You, on the other hand, are weak in love and imperfect in virtue; you are in need of My strength and of My comfort.**

Jesus to Catalina:

The Great Crusade of Mercy - loveandmercy.org/Eng-CM-Reg.pdf
(Roman Catholic Imprimatur)

11) Mercy is love, My child. It is union with God and union with God is the certitude of victory and an everlasting abundance of virtues. Mercy is the unquestionable proof of love for Me.

I hope this has helped

God Bless You

Thank you for reading
Josh