It’s tricky. If it bothers you and causes you anxiety that you do it, then you are in bondage to it.
I think the most effective way to break the bondage, is not to let it govern your happiness. For example if you say I’m miserable with life because I drink and smoke and stay up too late, and if I could only quit then I’d be happy – that’s a fearful thing for my mind to get around. Because what if I quit drinking and smoking, and I weren’t happy? Now I am a failure, right? So I lose either way. If I keep drinking and smoking, {btw I know you aren’t smoking but it makes a better story because I just helped a smoker I know, quit} then I lose because of the original reasons. If I do quit, now I have an ultimatum – be happy, or I fooled myself – which makes me a fool. Could be risky, if I’m wrong about my future happiness.
And if I’m a fool and not OK with that, it can be costly. I’ve heard in survey people fear public speaking more than dying.
So my strategy was to learn how to be totally happy even when doing the thing. That way my happiness is independent of my behavior. I’m happy doing it, and I’ll be even happier if I quit. When I’m happy, my confidence I can become even happier, is higher than my confidence when I’m sad, of becoming happy. So that way, letting go of the behavior doesn’t “turn the spotlight” on me. Does that make sense?
If you are comfortable with it, and you don’t feel like it controls you, then I don’t see any concern about what you’ve written thus far. I like the fact that it isn’t every night, because if it’s every night, then it could be a “feels like it’s necessary” crutch that you don’t want to try going without.
If you trust in the Holy Spirit, and you believe that God makes all things good for those who believe (Rom 8:28) then you can know this behavior will become part of you that God can use. If you keep doing it, just make sure you are 100% comfortable with it, that you pay attention to “pangs” that magnetize you toward it uncontrollably. If you start getting those a lot then it may make it more of a struggle and it may be needed to mortify yourself to them (break bondage).
I have broken free of some things and helped others to from time to time. (Only if they ask for help – I may offer but I will never tell a person they “need” my help because I don’t want them to feel I’m trying to put them in bondage to me.) You don’t sound like you’re addicted from what I’ve read so far, but I am not certified or anything, just have some personal experience.
I like this thread because you have a well-defined issue with a problem that isn’t an emergency or anything, and you have a realistic way to describe the situation so it makes it easy to discuss. Thank you for starting it. :tiphat:
I’ll leave it at that for this post. :tiphat:
Alan