Guys, if you could be married and a priest would you?

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Tis_Bearself said:
the minister and his wife deciding to have a large family and some in the congregation objecting to the fact that they have to support not only the minister and his wife but what they think are an excessive number of kids
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When I was a Lutheran, we had two pastors with families (not necessarily with an “excessive” amount of kids, but they did have children 😉 ). I never heard people grumble about finances because they often got stipends from a national Lutheran organization as well as the independent church they were at. I’m sure some people were upset at some of their family decisions, but I never saw the pastors live too luxuriously.

The same could be said about priests unfortunately. I have been blessed to have many good humble priests who exemplify spiritual poverty. But I also know of a few who do enjoy a vacation or two and live in a rather nice rectory.

God bless.
 
Someday I hope to discern of vocation to the Deaconate. If married priests were permitted I would be interested in discerning that as well. I would love to work in the Church daily. HOWEVER I know there are many very good reasons for priests to be celibate and I trust the Church to make the right decision whether they may change it one day in the future or not.
 
Not the whole family. There is at least one who is a saint. St. Francis Brogia. In addition having done some research on the more famous ones a lot of the accusations surrounding them are either not true or greatly exaggerated. Not saying the they were all saints but they are, in many cases at least, not the devils that some have made them out to be.
 
jas84173 said:
I am just asking because I would in a heart beat. I also want to be able to share my life with someone.
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I guess that, from a purely practical perspective (without getting into theology), I would ask the question this way:

Guys, if you could be married (with a family), would you take a 50-60 hr/wk job, with an additional 20 hrs/wk on call, that required you to work every Saturday and Sunday? Would you take the job if it put not only you, but your wife and children under the microscope (i.e., public persons, with public scrutiny of every action) 24/7? Would you take the job if it meant that your bishop could reassign you as needed, meaning you’d have to uproot your family and move? Would your wife agree to this kind of ‘job’ for you, given the likely effects on your marital relationship and family life?

(Also, when you say “I also want to be able to share my life with someone,” I can’t help but think of Jesus’ words about “putting a hand to the plow and looking back”… 🤷‍♂️
If you feel like you need to “share your life with someone”, then do it. If you feel like you are called to share your life with everyone, then discern the priesthood.)
 
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Gorgias said:
Guys, if you could be married (with a family), would you take a 50-60 hr/wk job, with an additional 20 hrs/wk on call, that required you to work every Saturday
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That’s not a typical pastor’s life around here. Not even close.

One thing that never gets talked about is a distinction between a pastor and a “permanent parochial vicar.” We effectively have those at my parish in the form of retired priests. They celebrate Masses, hear confessions, and do everything else a permanent deacon can.

I’m not sure if it would be a good idea to have married pastors. But married “permanent parochial vicars”? I could definitely see that.
 
jas84173 said:
As for Jesus having a thing for Mary Magdalene. I have read all of the New Testament Apocrypha including the Nag Hammadi library ( Gnostic texts) and the notion that he had relations for her are speculative at best.
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I realize this is going to sound like a weird radical view, but it’s entirely possible to love someone from here to the moon without needing or even wanting to have sex or the preliminaries with them.
 
I think having a national fund supporting clergy with families is the only way to go, otherwise people are watching every dime the family spends in a way that they don’t when it’s just the priest by himself, and fretting that it’s coming out of their pocket.

Would priests’ kids get free Catholic school too? For schools where regular families have to pay, someone would get bent out of shape about that.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
Would priests’ kids get free Catholic school too?
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I’m not for priests marrying, but if this was this case, I assume it would be treated as catholic teachers and their children. Catholic school teachers usually receive free tuition for their children at Catholic schools.

I think regardless of the situation, people will be upset at priests for spending money that isn’t really their own. Before judging a priest, we should look at our own finances and I bet we would be surprised how much we are spending recklessly.

As far as spending others’ money, it’s the same with a government employee. They’re spending taxpayers’ money 😉
 
Since I am a Deacon I have been asked this several times. My answer is mainly no. I felt called to the diaconate and I don’t feel in any way shape or form a calling to the priesthood. I catch myself getting frustrated when people assume that Deacons and Priests “choose” to seek holy orders. I haven’t met a priest or deacon who said that God didn’t do the prompting first and that there wasn’t a bit of resistance from the individual.

Since I have become a deacon I have found out from people seeking pastoral care that there are quite a few broken and hurt folks out there. To the point that it can be a bit of a challenge to remain as joyful as possible. I am quite certain that struggle is much more difficult for a priest.

Lastly, on a more selfish note, I am not sure I am equipped to handle the drama that can occur at the parish level with staff. One of the things that I have always desired is that the USCCB mandated a formation process for DRE’s and Youth directors similar to that of permanent deacons. A process where psychological testing plays a role along with discernment of the community (the discernment of the people of the parish) whether to hire and accept the DRE/Youth director. My current priest uses a term called kingdoms. Meaning some people who work for the church have serious issues with power and authority and set up their own little dominions/kingdoms and rule over them. I believe that I have strayed from the subject quite a bit but If God ever called me to the priesthood I would enter that calling with great fear and trembling based on my past experiences with people who have set up their own dominions on the parish level.
 
Well, you CAN be married and a priest.

You just have to switch rituals over to one of the Eastern Catholic Churches who are in full communion with the Apostolic See.

Instead of the priesthood however, may I ask, why not the permanent diaconate? Deacons are very important and the Church does not have many of them.
 
I can see this as well. If the married priesthood is ever allowed I would hope this is how it is employed. I would even stretch it to allow the priest to have a secular job and operate as a sacramental minister/parochial vicar similar to the way that the Episcopals operate. I have an Episcopal priest friend who is a sacramental minister and works his secular job in a nursing home.
 
we have more deacons in my diocese than priests. I am not sure what you mean “the church doesn’t have very many of them”.
 
Global statistics.

There are over 400,000 Catholic Priests on our little blue speck.

Yet there are not even 50,000 Deacons.

The numbers are even worse if you only count permanent Deacons and not transitional.

IMO, there should be 2 Deacons for every 1 Priest - or at least one Deacon for each Priest - so if that’s the case, we need hundreds of thousands more Deacons.
 
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Well quite a few of them had girlfriends or even fiancees before discerning the priesthood as their vocation so I don’t know if it was " a call to celibacy led to priesthood" as much as “a call to the priesthood led to celibacy.”

I would feel beyond betrayed if a priest ever refused to come to the aid of a dying loved one because his wife or kids. If it couldn’t be helped for logistical reasons, fine, but if my loved one potentially was damned for all eternity because the priest was busy having sex with his wife that would be pretty horrible.

Anyway, I suspect the priests would be the largest and most adamant group in not changing the requirement, so I don’t think it will ever change.
 
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:roll_eyes:

Except for the Eastern Rite

Except for Priests from Luterian et all who convert to Catholicism and are allowed to become Catholic priests and stay married.

Exceptions can be made. It is a very, very difficult life but one that can validly happen.
 
The thing is, when it’s a single priest, his spending is often not criticized because he is seen as belonging to the Church/ parishioners and people figure he is entitled to something once in a while, also he will often get a discount or a special treatment from a parishioner (this is just what I see).

When he brings with him a wife and kids who are not performing priestly duties themselves, people are more likely to compare with their own family situation.
 
I’m validating that it IS better that a priest be celebate.

However, the vocation of a priest who is married is no less valid than one who is not. That implication of “having two brides” and suggesting some sort of spiritual bigamy—when the church clearly has made allowances for it in certian circumstances isn’t correct, either.
 
No, I wouldn’t…I mean I think it’s a cop out to say that priests should be married…it’s like saying “If you could be married to your wife AND to someone else, would you? I would in a heartbeat”

Maybe not the perfect analogy, but…
 
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