GUYS: Input please!

  • Thread starter Thread starter rayne89
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If she cies and sobs softly and looks me in the eye, I’m cooked…it has never failed.
It’s like Drano for Anger.
 
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sweetchuck:
… or maybe it was space ghost’s first post. hmmmmm :hmmm:

😃
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My husband certainly appreciated it.😃
 
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rayne89:
Ok guys when your upset, peeved, angry ect. what kind of response would you like from your women?
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Leave me be & let it pass.
 
Depends on how angry I am or what I am angry about. As a rule of thumb, if my anger is related to my wife, then I need to arrive at my own timing to talk about it–please don’t try to prematurely pry me open to resolve the emotional climate. If the anger is related to anything else other than my wife, then usually I just talk about the situation and will eventually get around to the feelings, or inadvertantly discharge my feelings without necessarily talking in a feeling language. If unsure what approach to take, ask hubby in a neutral and sincere tone–“what do you need from me right now”.

A few helpful hints: don’t speak or interrupt hubby until he has paused at least 7 long seconds and is no longer beat red or bug eyed; if the anger is about something you did or said, your first response should be to acknowledge his point of view/feelings (yeah, right), then respond; don’t initially try to analyze or problem solve (no brainer, I know) until respiration/pulse rate stabilized; if is about someone or something else, get angry with him (good to be validated) whether it seems justified or not.

addendum: how did this post end up in Moral Theology forum?
 
when i spit my dummy out i like it when my wife comes out with a statement that touches the nerve or soul, which gets my mind into drive and brings me round.
 
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rayne89:
Ok guys when your upset, peeved, angry ect. what kind of response would you like from your women?
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none i’m quite fiery and rash, wouldn’t want to hurt her by saying somrthing silly i’m best being left till i come round again
 
I am one of those rare guys who actually likes talking about his feelings, whether, joy, sorrow, anger, etc. I have to remind myself that I should keep some of my thoughts to myself, lest I overwhelm the people listening.

For me, the thing that is most helpful to me is for people to just listen, because I tend to bounce my thoughts off of other people. If, when I am angry, people ignore 75% of what I say and just let me talk, I will eventually swing around. What most people don’t realize is that even when I am angry, I am busy analyzing my thoughts and feelings. I have been known to be in the middle of an argument with someone and then all of a sudden say, “Everything I have been saying is wrong, and here’s why:” because I am usually arguing not with the other person but with myself.
 
If I referred to her as “my woman” I’d find myself with no woman.
 
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tom.wineman:
If I referred to her as “my woman” I’d find myself with no woman.
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I’d hate to see what happened if her referred to her as “my old lady”.😃
 
My husband is mysterious, brooding, stoic, and unemotional. [sigh… just the way I like him] 😉
 
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Hermione:
Dear Rayne,

I thought I’d reply here because you mentioned wanting to make a new thread! 🙂

I guess it depends on the type of person your husband is. And I’m not going to flat out deny that most guys might lean in a certain direction that’s different from most girls.

I completely agree that men and women are not the same, that we have differences in thoughts, feelings, roles in life and much more. At the same time I think society is very unfair to both guys and girls. Guys specifically are denied emotions. You can’t argue with me when I say that among guys themselves feelings are like the plague. And should a guy express feelings to another guy he will likely be ridiculed, called homosexual and what not. For this reason I think many guys really NEED us to help them to open up their feelings. I just asked my fiance, who is beside me, and he said that the only place a guy feels safe sharing feelings is with his wife!

I also watched a Discovery program about boys, violence among boys, ADD, etc. And a lot of it focused on how boys are lonely because they don’t develop close relationships with other males for social reasons! This is unfair to our boys because it takes away from their life experience! The people on Discovery also said that it takes a while - a long while - for a boy to learn to trust, and get comfortable with his feelings and with sharing them.

I guess from my perspective, and I’m talking to my fiance right now as I am writing this, it would be very unkind to walk away from a person who is feeling sad. My fiance says he’d feel hurt if I just walked away from him, he says that he would like me to push him and ask him about his feelings because it would make him feel cared for! And moreover, if he wanted space or time to think, he would tell me. Although, he also says that it’s very unlikely that he’d ever want space, especially when he’s feeling down. I guess I am with a very special guy :love:

And I don’t have a girly guy! 😛 He’s my guide and protector, and always takes the leadership role in our relationship.

My fiance also says that there are times when he is tempted to withdraw and go be all by himself, but he says that he really appreciates how warm and comforting I am in those times. Emotional withdrawal really hurts him, he says. (Both when he does it, and when I do it.)

I really don’t think guys are that much different from us as far as needing affection goes! I think both men and women engage in emotional withdrawal sometimes when they are upset, but this just doesn’t seem like the most effective way to deal with problems. Also, I think both men and women require warmth and gentleness, especially when they begin withdrawing. And women withdraw quite a bit as well! You know that common story about the woman who says “nothing” is wrong when everything is wrong? Both men and women do this! Men need warmth too!

I made a poll on this very board, and most guys said they wanted a wife who is affectionate!!!
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My friend I am on my 23rd year of marriage and you can not judge a man on what he is doing while courting no more than you can judge a woman by how she is while courting. It is anathematic to a man to share what he does not want to share. It seems to me that a woman is drawn to share here feelings. I also know that if forced to share my feelings no matter what I was feeling before I will start to feel anger.

Remember a group of women can sit around and talk for hours and feel they don’t know each other at all. Where 2 men can go to a game and not speak 2 words and feel like they have created a life long bond. We are different and forcing us to do a completely unnatural thing like sharing our feelings when we don’t want to is wrong. There is no eleventh commandment: Tho shale share thine feelings……
 
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