H says DS "is not Catholic when he's with me"

[Lifeisamazing]

H (no longer calling him DH) and I are having issues and I think seperation may be the only route.

H is Christian, but never really went to church. We were married non-denom, then blessed in the church when I was pregnant with my now 20 month old son. Before we were married, I discussed all this with him and he was fine with the fact I would raise any kids we had in the Catholic Church. When we the marriage was blessed in the church, he promised the Father to raise our soon to be born child Catholic.

H can be a pretty nasty guy. The latest thing is he said our son “will not be Catholic when he is with me. What? You want him to be molested by a priest?” and on and on. This is what he was saying to me through my closed and locked door over and over.

Can I get our marriage annulled based on this?

How can I put this in a seperation agreement so I know my son will have a strong Catholic foundation?

Man, I am just so tired from all the emotional abuse. (also found out he bought a Four Wheeler behind my back and is keeping it at his friend’s house! And wants to ride our 20 month old on it! I found the paper work on it- we don’t have the money for this. Unbelievable.)

 

[whatevergirl]

*Oh lifeisamazing, I am so sorry you’re going through this! I don’t have much advice, except to say that I would seek counseling, and talk to a priest…and I will keep you all in my prayers. *

 

[Nanny_PK]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. To answer your question, I think it depends on your state; but the fact of the matter is, if your son is with your husband, you will have no control over what he does with your son. If he chooses not to take your son to mass on his weekends, I’m not sure there’s much you can do legally. Morally he should because that’s the promise he made to you. I have seen some decrees in my state (Texas) where it is outlined that ___ parent has the right to make decisions on religious upbringing, but they’re not that frequent.

 

[Irish_Becca]

My advice is to do everything you can before you resort to a separation. Counseling, prayer, anything. I am going through a separation right now, and it is heart-wrenching and unbelievably painful.

 

[pia]

I am assuming your son has been baptised into the catholic church, well I had a friend who seperated from her husband and eventually divorced. They had 2 children together now her husband would have the children on weekends, my friend did not have a problem with this but knew he would not bring them to mass, Although they were married in the catholic church and both were catholic he did not go church infact i would go as far as to say he was an nonbeliever and this worried her greatly. So when they were getting the details of who would have the children and when , my friend made the condition that her ex husband had to take the children to mass on sundays or else he would not have them on this day. well he agreed to this and i must say he stuck to it. I know your problem is different what with your husband not being catholic but i hope you can get something out of this story to help . you are in my prayers God bless.

 

[1ke]

Talk to your priest regarding all of this.

First, a decree of nullity does not “annul” a marriage. A valid marriage either took place, or it didn’t. So, his threat regarding the religious upbringing of your child doesn’t annul your marriage, nor can you “get an annulment” for that reason. And, you must be divorced before you seek a decree of nullity-- the Church certainly always hopes that you can work out your difficulties and move forward in your marriage rather than divorce.

BUT, there may be very real reasons that a valid marriage did not occur. You were pregnant when you approached the church for convalidation-- was it because you felt pressured to be considered married by the church before your child was born? Some other reason? (Rhetorical questions here, just for you to think about)

Certainly some of his behaviors may indicate he lacked the understanding/capacity to consent validly. This is all better discussed with a priest than on a forum when you are upset.

It sounds to me like his threat may have just been something to upset you, yelled through your closed and locked door. Perhaps with counseling and time you can mend your marriage and build a solid future together. However, the hiding things behind your back-- like a major purchase-- and threats to manipulate you are not good signs.

Please get some counseling for yourself even if he will not go.

As for the rest of it, talk to a good lawyer.

 

[pnewton]

Your situation reminds us all that while a marriage may by hard, divorce is inevitably harder. Still, while freewill exists, one will always have to live with the consequences of one’s partner.

I was left alone with two little kids in the nineties. When I became Catholic, I found out that my ex’s husbaand was very anticatholic. All I could do was to take them to Mass every other Sunday. I would offer prayers to St. Monica, who had to deal exercise patience for her son’s conversion. Both of my children eventually went through the RCIA process and joined the Church.

Children that are not raised in the Catholic Church, or are raised in two faith traditions will eventually have to make their own choice. However, remember that this is the same for all. What we can offer children, even on a part time basis is our own example of faith. I also believe that Catholic Answers and other resources were critical for helping me discuss the “whys” of the faith that pertained specifically with the reasons the Catholic faith is unique in the World and the fullest expression of Christianity.

Regardless of how this situation resolves itself, the responsibilities of parents, or a single parent, remain unchanged.