Had my IUD removed today - HELP!

[MrsMeganMc]

I just had my IUD removed today. Before I went in - I was struggling, but was holding strong to my belief that this was the right thing to do.

I went into the exam room - the doctor came in. She asked me why I was having it removed, I told her that I wanted to use a more natural form of birth control. She looked at me like I had five heads.

She questioned me - asking me how badly I didn’t want to get pregnant, and that I should really be using other methods, etc. She took out the IUD - and as she left, she told me that I needed anything, like a prescription for the pill, to just call her.

I wanted to cry.

I went back to the waiting room and left with my husband. He told me how scared he was - how he absolutely did not want to have a child right now and that if we did get pregnant that he would likely resent me for it.

The thing is - I DON’T WANT TO HAVE A CHILD RIGHT NOW EITHER!

My husband is not really on board with the whole NFP thing - he supports the fact that this is my body and it is my choice whether or not to use contraceptives. I think that he wants to use condoms with spermicide. Fine - that is his deal. But deep down inside, I am actually happy. I want him to use them cause then we won’t get pregnant. This just makes me feel worse.

I am just feeling so lost right now.

I feel like I want to take the doctor up on her offer and get the pill.

I am feeling angry at God for making me do this.

 

[Nechasin]

I am feeling angry at God for making me do this.

God gave us free-will. He cannot make us do anything. He wants us to follow Him and follow His will. He has given us guidance on how to do that. He wants us to join Him. He gave us His Son, Jesus, to bear our burdens for us when it is too heavy for us to bear. Give your burdens to Jesus. Give your trust to God. Pray for help and peace of mind. He will not give us more than we can handle with His help.

 

[MrsMeganMc]

God gave us free-will. He cannot make us do anything. He wants us to follow Him and follow His will. He has given us guidance on how to do that. He wants us to join Him. He gave us His Son, Jesus, to bear our burdens for us when it is too heavy for us to bear. Give your burdens to Jesus. Give your trust to God. Pray for help and peace of mind. He will not give us more than we can handle with His help.

Yes, I understand that it is my choice - but if I chose to continue to contracept - then it is a mortal sin.

So I feel as if I have no choice.

 

[Lariena]

First off…Congratulations for taking such a gigantic leap of faith. You are doing the right thing even if you are scared while doing it. Doing the right thing is not always easy. I felt similar when I got off the pill and went to NFP. I was petrified that NFP would not work for me. I was very afraid of getting pregnant. While I would have not minded having another child I was terrifed that my DH would be resentful of NFP and me if we were “surprised.”

All I can suggest is that you make sure you learn how NFP works. Then you should initially apply the most conservative rules so that you can get familar with your body. Your body is amazing and you will be shocked to see how obvious the signs of fertility can be. There are many resources available depending on what method you would like to use. Do some research online to pick one and then STUDY it. NFP is very effective, but you only get out of it what you put into it. If you take a careless approach you may find yourself freaking out each month until AF arrives. Here is a link to Couple to Couple League’s Sympto Thermal method. It is the one I use. www.ccli.org They even offer a home study course (which is how I learned) . My DH was not sure about the whole concept of NFP at first. Now I can say he is 100% on board. In fact, he and I just got certified last Friday as teaching couples for ccl.

I would also like to recommend Christopher West’s book “The Good News about Sex and Marriage”. It is easy to read and although it doesn’t teach any forms of NFP, it really helps with the faith basis for why NFP is moral. Good luck and God Bless!

 

[Donna_Mc]

First off…Congratulations for taking such a gigantic leap of faith. You are doing the right thing even if you are scared while doing it. Doing the right thing is not always easy. I felt similar when I got off the pill and went to NFP. I was petrified that NFP would not work for me. I was very afraid of getting pregnant. While I would have not minded having another child I was terrifed that my DH would be resentful of NFP and me if we were “surprised.”

All I can suggest is that you make sure you learn how NFP works. Then you should initially apply the most conservative rules so that you can get familar with your body. Your body is amazing and you will be shocked to see how obvious the signs of fertility can be. There are many resources available depending on what method you would like to use. Do some research online to pick one and then STUDY it. NFP is very effective, but you only get out of it what you put into it. If you take a careless approach you may find yourself freaking out each month until AF arrives. Here is a link to Couple to Couple League’s Sympto Thermal method. It is the one I use. www.ccli.org They even offer a home study course (which is how I learned) . My DH was not sure about the whole concept of NFP at first. Now I can say he is 100% on board. In fact, he and I just got certified last Friday as teaching couples for ccl.

I would also like to recommend Christopher West’s book “The Good News about Sex and Marriage”. It is easy to read and although it doesn’t teach any forms of NFP, it really helps with the faith basis for why NFP is moral. Good luck and God Bless!

Very good advice and I too congratulate you for doing the right thing!

 

[MCGar]

I want to say I can relate to the fear. I had this fear too. I’m the Catholic and my new husband is not. I talked to him about my fear and asked if he had the same.
His response was, “We’re ready to have a baby. We’re married.”

Guess what, he’s right. If I was ready to be married then I’m ready for the fruition of the matrimonial act.

Granted, usually we aren’t ready for things that have never happened to us before and we have no experiance with but that doesn’t mean we truly aren’t READY for it or capable.

I just have to say, pray pray and pray some more. I think your fear and resentment towards God is really misdirected. I also think it’s total poo that your husband would emotionally blackmail you like that. That’s not healthy (even if it was honest). And spermicidle condoms aren’t going to make it any better, I promise.

I prayed for God to find me my future spouse and He really did. Out of all the non-practicing Catholics in my sphere of eligible guys, God sent me a non-Catholic that is more Catholic and more of a support of Catholicism than even I am.

I’m not trying to crow about it, I’m just trying to show you that prayers are answered.

Pray for healing of your fears and pray for true understanding of NFP and the fruition of the matrimonial act.

****now my advice is based on general circumstances in fear of being pregnant that don’t include life-threatening scenerios.

 

[embwt]

So sorry to hear you didn’t have much support. However, you are doing the right thing! And as St. Augustine once said, “Wrong is wrong even if everyone else is doing it; and right is right even if no one else is doing it.” Hold strong to your faith and God will take care of the rest.

I am in a similar situation . . . my wife is not on board with NFP, though we are using the STM. She wants to get an IUD, but so far has not. NFP can be tough, but I have seen positives in my life. Please pray for your husband and if possible, get him to learn more about NFP. We contracepted for years before I saw the light, so to speak. I second the recommendation for the Christopher West book.

Prayers for you and your husband.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Hi…I just wanted to offer you some hugs and also ask you to take a deep breath.

You just took an enormous step and of course you are feeling nervous.

I am 39, and from the moment I knew what contraceptives were, there has been a subtle and not so subtle pressure by the media and doctors to use it. Sometimes doctors have a way of making us feel really stupid and small.

It took me a while to really understand the Church. When I was 24, never would I have guessed I would be using NFP and trusting and liking it.

May I suggest you go to omsoul.com and see if you could find an NFP doctor in your area.

Babies aren’t diseases to avoid, they are little blessings. Really.

Your husband and you both need to pray about what comes next. If you use NFP to avoid a pregnancy, fine. If you use another form of contraception, and it fails what would you do? Would your husband resent you at that point too?

Take it slow and pray, and don’t worry. You made the right choice…don’t second guess yourself. :hug1:

 

[Liberanosamalo]

If God told you not to keep sticking a pencil in your eye would you be upset that you were being “forced” to stop? No. Because pencils in the eye hurt. You’d understand why God said don’t do that.

Just because sin doesn’t immediately hurt doesn’t mean it’s not doing damage. And so you don’t realize WHY God says don’t do it. But sin corrodes like rust, silently and we are unaware. You have put a stop to that in your marriage.

Just from what you’ve written, your form of birth regulation isn’t your only issue.

It has masked some other issues that will now have to be dealt with in your marriage. Some you don’t even know about. You will have to deal with who has been bearing the true cost all these years for you to be immediately and perpetually sexually available to your husband.

Not being available all the time will force him to make sacrifices that it doesn’t sound like he’s ready to make. He has already told you he is a resentful and fearful person. He will have to change some attitudes also. For YOUR good.

If problems arise, it’s not because of NFP. It’s because you have stripped off a bandaid that has covered something wrong. But in the state of grace and with God’s health you can really work toward a healthier marriage. Right now you are two people who don’t trust God or each other very much. THAT is the issue you need to work on. Why don’t you want a child at all?

You have made a very courageous step along the road of faith. You should be proud of yourself, not shrinking from a doctor’s words and feeling insecure and apologetic for doing something very healthy for yourself.

Couple to Couple League has advisors and people who can help you, who have been where you are in their marriages and in their fears. They have a website. Don’t hesitate to look them up. There is probably a counselor near you.

Things might get a little worse for a while, but don’t give up doing something good. And what you are doing for yourself is good, physically and spiritually. And maybe you will feel more valued as a person as you see your husband working on a team with you, getting to understand you more as you have to communicate better to do this method.

I pray you find this enriches your life. A mentor couple would help you.

Good luck. You ARE doing the right thing. Don’t be angry at God. He wants you to be healthy and happy and truly united with your husband without barriers and fences and pills and fear.

 

[MrsMeganMc]

If God told you not to keep sticking a pencil in your eye would you be upset that you were being “forced” to stop? No. Because pencils in the eye hurt. You’d understand why God said don’t do that.

Just because sin doesn’t immediately hurt doesn’t mean it’s not doing damage. And so you don’t realize WHY God says don’t do it. But sin corrodes like rust, silently and we are unaware. You have put a stop to that in your marriage.

Just from what you’ve written, your form of birth regulation isn’t your only issue.

It has masked some other issues that will now have to be dealt with in your marriage. Some you don’t even know about. You will have to deal with who has been bearing the true cost all these years for you to be immediately and perpetually sexually available to your husband.

Not being available all the time will force him to make sacrifices that it doesn’t sound like he’s ready to make. He has already told you he is a resentful and fearful person. He will have to change some attitudes also. For YOUR good.

If problems arise, it’s not because of NFP. It’s because you have stripped off a bandaid that has covered something wrong. But in the state of grace and with God’s health you can really work toward a healthier marriage. Right now you are two people who don’t trust God or each other very much. THAT is the issue you need to work on. Why don’t you want a child at all?

You have made a very courageous step along the road of faith. You should be proud of yourself, not shrinking from a doctor’s words and feeling insecure and apologetic for doing something very healthy for yourself.

Couple to Couple League has advisors and people who can help you, who have been where you are in their marriages and in their fears. They have a website. Don’t hesitate to look them up. There is probably a counselor near you.

Things might get a little worse for a while, but don’t give up doing something good. And what you are doing for yourself is good, physically and spiritually. And maybe you will feel more valued as a person as you see your husband working on a team with you, getting to understand you more as you have to communicate better to do this method.

I pray you find this enriches your life. A mentor couple would help you.

Good luck. You ARE doing the right thing. Don’t be angry at God. He wants you to be healthy and happy and truly united with your husband without barriers and fences and pills and fear.

We do not want children because we are just not ready. Financially, emotionally, etc. We are still so young…I am 24 right now.

The hardest part is that my husband and I don’t see eye to eye on God or the Church. So topics such as this are hard to get through to him on as he just doesn’t believe the same things I do. I want to give this part of my life up to God - my husband is not as trusting - which just makes me doubt even further.

Thank you for your words of advice - I am truly hopeful that this will make our marriage stronger.

 

[happymommy]

We do not want children because we are just not ready. Financially, emotionally, etc. We are still so young…I am 24 right now.

The hardest part is that my husband and I don’t see eye to eye on God or the Church. So topics such as this are hard to get through to him on as he just doesn’t believe the same things I do. I want to give this part of my life up to God - my husband is not as trusting - which just makes me doubt even further.

Thank you for your words of advice - I am truly hopeful that this will make our marriage stronger.

Oh honey, if you wait until you have enough money to have children, you won’t ever have them. I was 24 when I had my first, now I know everyone is different, but it’s not terribly young. Pray for you husband that his heart softens to this. Does he go to church at all? If not, then why not suggest it. He might just be scared, it’s a big step and a big leap of faith to start a family. Gods way is best. He won’t give you more than you can handle, believe me.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

This is a crossroads for you. You will either be able to lead him to a better understanding of how God provides and a greater peace and unity with each other, and an increase in maturity in your married life…

And he may follow your lead and grow with you…

Or you may grow apart and he may battle it and you may see a side to him you didn’t see or ignored before you married.

I wish you courage as you walk with God. And I pray your husband joins you on that walk and appreciates what a wonderful, brave wife he has who has the strength to listen to the voice of grace in her soul and place her trust in God. You sound like you are growing in maturity and wisdom. I had my first child at 24. God provides for his children in amazing ways. I suspect deep down you are more ready than your husband. But the beauty of NFP is it makes having a child a choice of BOTH partners, not something one person keeps from another, or deceives another into doing. And it ironically puts the marital union into stark reality… you can’t pretend each encounter couldn’t be a sacred moment when life is created. Some run from that importance. But it is important that you both be on the same page. I agree with the other poster who said to follow the rules very conservatively until you really know your cycle. You may find the little “honeymoon periods” in the method do your marriage a world of good.

Good luck! Be proud of yourself. And may God bless you for your effort to seek His will!

 

[MrsMeganMc]

Oh honey, if you wait until you have enough money to have children, you won’t ever have them. I was 24 when I had my first, now I know everyone is different, but it’s not terribly young. Pray for you husband that his heart softens to this. Does he go to church at all? If not, then why not suggest it. He might just be scared, it’s a big step and a big leap of faith to start a family. Gods way is best. He won’t give you more than you can handle, believe me.

My husband attends mass with me - praise God! He is a craddle Catholic who has fallen away from his faith.

When I told him that I was going to go on Thanksgiving morning - he told me he wanted to come with - I was very excited to hear that.

I have prayed for him every day - I have hope that he will come to have faith in God and that he will see the beauty in the Church.

Also - it’s not that we are waiting to afford children, because you never can - lol. It’s more the post-college, post-first home debt we are drowning in. We always knew that we wanted to wait 3-5 years to have kids - as we both have demanding jobs, etc.

I know that God’s plan might be different - I am praying to accept His, whatever it may be.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

It sounds like God’s grace is starting to really touch you both. As the mother of three daughters this really gives me happiness to see.

If your faith makes you happier and joyful and trusting and a better wife, he will want what you have. You make me think of the reading the other week at Mass… the valiant woman… I hope your husband sees how you are far beyond the price of pearls.

 

[happymommy]

My husband attends mass with me - praise God! He is a craddle Catholic who has fallen away from his faith.

When I told him that I was going to go on Thanksgiving morning - he told me he wanted to come with - I was very excited to hear that.

I have prayed for him every day - I have hope that he will come to have faith in God and that he will see the beauty in the Church.

Also - it’s not that we are waiting to afford children, because you never can - lol. It’s more the post-college, post-first home debt we are drowning in. We always knew that we wanted to wait 3-5 years to have kids - as we both have demanding jobs, etc.

I know that God’s plan might be different - I am praying to accept His, whatever it may be.

It sound like you are doing the right thing, that’s usually the scarest thing to do. Keep praying! If he is going to church with you, that is great! Keep talking and pray together.

 

[fellowChristian]

Do you know how to make God laugh?

Tell Him your plans

My husband said “We’re not ready” before the 1st one.

My husband said “We’re not ready” before the 2nd. one.

He said “We’re not ready” before the 3rd. one.

And when I asked for the 4th one he said it again! My response?

“If I were to wait for you to be ready we wouldn’t have ever started!”

So after the 4th. one,yup I won , we made a huge mistake.

We said “Four is enough.”

You know what God said?

Hahahahahahahahahaha

And sent us Michael. That’s right #5.

There’s never going to be the “right” time. Sometimes there is no time. We’re never promised a tomorrow. We have to live our lives the way He wants us to live them,now! When we started out we were Cafeteria Catholics who didn’t know our faith. We didn’t have the money,the jobs,the education,insurance or the know how but we did believe in Him and that got us through. We have to have faith and trust in Him. Just keep saying it…

Oh my God I believe in you I trust in you I have faith in you and I love you above all things. I thank you for having brought me safely through this night ( morning,afternoon). I give my whole self to you, everything I do (did,done) today I do (did) to please you. Keep me dear Jesus from all evil. Bless my mother and my father and everyone I love. May the souls of the faithful departed,through the mercy of God rest in peace.

Say it every morning and in the afternoon and at night.

 

[Consecrated]

We do not want children because we are just not ready. Financially, emotionally, etc. We are still so young…I am 24 right now.

The hardest part is that my husband and I don’t see eye to eye on God or the Church. So topics such as this are hard to get through to him on as he just doesn’t believe the same things I do. I want to give this part of my life up to God - my husband is not as trusting - which just makes me doubt even further.

Thank you for your words of advice - I am truly hopeful that this will make our marriage stronger.

Oh honey, I’m so sorry you’re feeling so scared. But you DID THE RIGHT THING… for you, your husband, any future children you might be blessed with and YOUR MARRIAGE! :extrahappy: (sorry, just trying to make you laugh… ) It is a big step in trusting God, and that is truly a scary thing sometimes, so don’t beat yourself up for feeling worried, scared, anxious and even a little angry. Offer all those feelings up to God… this is one way of uniting yourself to Jesus on the Cross… remember, he felt abandoned by His Father at that critical moment when he was most vulnerable (“My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?”)

You say you want to give this part of your life up to God… well, I say you just did, and He won’t give it back easily! Don’t forget to also give your dear husband up to God, and rely on Him to work on your DH’s heart. But, if I were you, I’d also find a good, non-emotionally charged time to calmly tell him that while you appreciate his honesty and understand his anxiety, you hope he can avoid hanging his fear of a baby over your head like he did at the Doc’s. And then give DH a good example of Christian charity by not hanging *his *anxiety over *his *head…

ok, sorry to go on and on… just wanted to give you a hug…:console:

 

[Em_in_FL]

(((((HUGS))))) to you… it’s really not as bad as you think.

Pray. None of us can tell you the perfect time to have a baby. You know your life and your struggles and your marital dynamics - none of us do. Only you, your husband, and God truly understand the depth of your desires. Pray, and God will guide you to His will. It’s a simple prayer “Thy will be done”…

And if this is not the right time for a baby, then NFP is available and DOES WORK if it’s something that is necessary. Study it and live it… it’s not that hard.
If having a baby is truly impossible for you right now, then DIVE into NFP and pray.
If God is trying to lead you to have a child then He’ll stir your heart and NFP may not be necessary to avoid conception.
Either path takes prayer.

You’re doing the right thing…

 

[MrsMeganMc]

Oh honey, I’m so sorry you’re feeling so scared. But you DID THE RIGHT THING… for you, your husband, any future children you might be blessed with and YOUR MARRIAGE! :extrahappy: (sorry, just trying to make you laugh… ) It is a big step in trusting God, and that is truly a scary thing sometimes, so don’t beat yourself up for feeling worried, scared, anxious and even a little angry. Offer all those feelings up to God… this is one way of uniting yourself to Jesus on the Cross… remember, he felt abandoned by His Father at that critical moment when he was most vulnerable (“My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?”)

You say you want to give this part of your life up to God… well, I say you just did, and He won’t give it back easily! Don’t forget to also give your dear husband up to God, and rely on Him to work on your DH’s heart. But, if I were you, I’d also find a good, non-emotionally charged time to calmly tell him that while you appreciate his honesty and understand his anxiety, you hope he can avoid hanging his fear of a baby over your head like he did at the Doc’s. And then give DH a good example of Christian charity by not hanging *his *anxiety over *his *head…

ok, sorry to go on and on… just wanted to give you a hug…:console:

Thank you for this - I have been thinking of that moment between Jesus and his Father a lot lately. Although I am not facing death, in my own little way it speaks to me.

My husband and I had a great heart to heart last night. I feel as though we understand eachother better now.

(((((HUGS))))) to you… it’s really not as bad as you think.

Pray. None of us can tell you the perfect time to have a baby. You know your life and your struggles and your marital dynamics - none of us do. Only you, your husband, and God truly understand the depth of your desires. Pray, and God will guide you to His will. It’s a simple prayer “Thy will be done”…

And if this is not the right time for a baby, then NFP is available and DOES WORK if it’s something that is necessary. Study it and live it… it’s not that hard.
If having a baby is truly impossible for you right now, then DIVE into NFP and pray.
If God is trying to lead you to have a child then He’ll stir your heart and NFP may not be necessary to avoid conception.
Either path takes prayer.

You’re doing the right thing…

Thank you - I really dislike when others laugh at me or tell me that my reasons are not good enough to avoid children right now. As you said - only God knows if we are ready.

 

[shajek74]

Know that you have done the right thing for you and your husband even if you both don’t fully see it just yet. You have opened the door for you both to experience the intimacy within your marriage that God intends. God bless you for your obedience.