Had sex before marriage

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keri6789

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I’m 23 and I am now getting into the whole “church” thing again. I’m going to the RCIA classes and going through the process to become catholic. I’m having an issue with something. I’ve had sex before marriage. I was also on the pill since I was 16. I’ve stopped taking the pill and threw out the rest so I wouldn’t be tempted to take them again. I’ve also asked God to forgive me for having sex and to give me the strength to not have sex until I get married. I know it was wrong to have pre-maritial sex. I know that I can never be a “virgin” again…how does the church look at this? I know that this has probably been asked before. I am very serious about waiting until I’m married. Would this make my marriage where it wouldn’t be a scarament? This has really been troubling me. I know that God has forgiven me but I still feel bad about it. Does this make me less of a christian?
 
Congrats on the decision to become Catholic and I think I speak for all Catholics that we are glad to have you share in the faith we all love. As for your issue let me ask you this. Do you have any intentions of having pre maital sex? I know your answer is no and thats what matters. The church teaches forgiveness. When it comes to someone who sins just remember this one phrase, hate the sin not the sinner. We are all sinners and have no right to condemn someone for having sinned, Jesus did say, whoever is without sin shall cast the first stone."
 
keri6789,

Have you been baptized? Received first communion?

If you haven’t yet been baptized, you will be at Easter and all your sins will be washed away at that time. If you have already been batized, my suggestion would be to go to confession if you have not already. It is a wonderful way to feel God’s forgiveness and consolation.

Falling short of the grace of God NEVER makes you less Christian. We have ALL done it! When I feel guilty about some of my past sins that I committed before I was Catholic, I think of St. Paul saying that he was “the worst of sinners.” St. Paul persecuted and murdered Christians and was still called by God to be an apostle!
 
If you have truly repented, and from what you have said, it would seem you have, then you are forgiven. As for feeling bad, I have been in this boat myself.
Perhaps you could use this as an opportunity to speak up about the importance of sex within marriage, and the hurt it causes if you don’t.
 
Accept the very real gift of forgivenss you are provided by the Church. You are every bit a virgin in the eyes of God, who forgets our sins once they are forgiven. Keep your heart and body pure until your marriage and embrace the gifts the sacrament will bring to you and your husband.
 
keri6789 said:
I’m 23 and I am now getting into the whole “church” thing again. I’m going to the RCIA classes and going through the process to become catholic. I’m having an issue with something. ?
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go to the Pure Love Club link on CA homepage and learn about secondary chastity, that is for those who have learned from their mistakes and wish to renew their Christian commitment to chastity. lots of great info there on other related questions you may have as well.
 
I’m going to second the suggestion of getting to confession as soon as you are prepared for it (you could ask the RCIA director or your priest if it would be possible to do now or asap). Reconciliation is a wonderful sacrament that will make you feel so much better!! Hearing the Priest (acting as Christ) say that you are forgiven is very healing.

May God bless you on your faith journey.

Jennifer
 
Hi Keri! I was so happy to read your post. The angels in Heaven are rejoicing for you.

As for unchastity, you will have shame, but don’t have guilt! You are forgiven. Won’t that first confession or Baptism feel good!

One thing I’ve asked God is to let me “make up” for any unchastity in my life. To atone for it, I try to accept my sufferings.

We all deal with the natural consequences of our sins, but with time, God will help you heal from these sins.

I’m so impressed with you! I am certain that God is preparing a Godly spouse for you.
 
keri6789 said:
…how does the church look at this?

Would this make my marriage where it wouldn’t be a scarament?

Does this make me less of a christian?
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In order:

Obviously, any sex outside of marriage is a sin. The remedy for sin is the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

No, it wouldn’t make your marriage any less of a sacrament.

No, it doesn’t make you any less of a Christian. It sounds like you’re doing what you’re supposed to do, namely turn away from sin and seek reconciliation.

👍

– Mark L. Chance.
 
Hi Keri, welcome home–God bless you on this spiritual pilgrimmage!

You’ve gotten great answers so far. There is no sin too big to be forgiven. 🙂 I would just add a couple things. First, one of my favorite verses:

Sirach 35:26 The mercy of God is beautiful in the time of affliction, as a cloud of rain in the time of drought.

And also, one of my favorite pictures, that of the Divine Mercy.

http://www.circleofprayer.com/divinemercy.jpg

If I ever have a feeling of despair concerning the gravity of past sins, I call to mind this picture and the great unending mercy and love that Jesus pours forth from His Heart for us. 🙂
 
Hi Keri

the answer to “How does the Church look at this” is right there in the Bible - let those without sin cast the first stone.

Good news for you - they don’t make those kind anymore! 😉

Also realize its possible for us to cast stones at ourselves. It is difficult for us sometimes to put the shame and guilt of our sins behind us - more difficult than it is for God to do it!

Also in the bible it says that as far as the east is from the west, that is how far our sins are from us when we are forgiven (thru the grace of confession). It is a matter of the obedience of humility to put it behind us, forget the guilt and shame, and “go forth and commit this sin no more”.
 
You have made a wonderful decision in your life, not only to become Catholic (that’s with a capitol “C” btw), as well as being chaste until marriage.

I became sexually active at an extremely young age. I did not live a chaste life, and was in an invalid “marriage” for 11 years. When I met the wonderful man who is now my husband, we both decided that we wanted to wait until our wedding night to share any sort of intimacy. We are so very glad we waited (2 1/2 years). It has added a dimension to that aspect of our marriage that is so very difficult to explain. Somehow, knowing that we have never been together in that way that was not sacramental, is an amazing feeling.

You have heard nothing but wonderful advise here! I’m so proud of you for making this decision, and I will keep you in my prayers that you are able to resist temptation until your wedding night.

You go girl!!! Welcome to the RCC!! 👍

~Liza
 
I am in the same boat as her but guy wise.

My understanding (as I have been baptized at birth, but never communion) as I could not go to confession until I go through confirmation and communion.
 
hlmem said:
I am in the same boat as her but guy wise.

My understanding (as I have been baptized at birth, but never communion) as I could not go to confession until I go through confirmation and communion.
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You should go to confession as part of your preparation for first Communion and Confirmation.

Betsy
 
hlmem said:
I am in the same boat as her but guy wise.

My understanding (as I have been baptized at birth, but never communion) as I could not go to confession until I go through confirmation and communion.
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If someone’s situation is somewhat complicated, then they should call the Catholic parish office nearest them and make an appointment to see a priest. Explain it all. And let the priest work out a program, so they can get “regularized”.

Where I live, in addition to the regular Catholic parishes, there are a variety of … for the lack of a better term … “store front Catholic chapels” and all sorts of monasteries and independent religious orders - some run by missionaries.

It may be that someone might find it more comfortale to start a discussion with one of the priests at one of those.

Pray over it.

And see what opportunities avail themselves.
 
You’re going through the process of becoming a Catholic. This implies you’re not a Catholic yet and you won’t become one until you are baptised. Baptism is a sacrament which washes away all previously committed sins along with any punishment due to those sins. You will, at the moment you are baptised, be purer than any virgin on the planet. You will have a clean slate with which to write your spiritual history.

The fact that you are not a virgin won’t bother the Church. Virginity is revered only if it is a consequence of chastity. That’s because chastity is a virtue, virginity isn’t. Your marriage won’t be any less of a sacrament because of what you did before you became a Catholic.

Just remember the old saying: the Church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints.
 
Island_Oak said:
Accept the very real gift of forgivenss you are provided by the Church. You are every bit a virgin in the eyes of God, who forgets our sins once they are forgiven. Keep your heart and body pure until your marriage and embrace the gifts the sacrament will bring to you and your husband.
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I agree:thumbsup:

I was in the same boat before(never used contraception though), felt VERY guilty and even unworthy of God’s love, but after going to confession, repenting for real and promising God that I’d stay celibate until I get married helped to take the weight off my back…
I’m not saying that you’ll forget, whenever I remember my bad choices it pains me deeply, but soon I remember how God loves me so much and I feel good again:)

Feel thankful and joyful knowing that God is love!!!😃
 
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