Had vasectomy... can you still have marital sex?

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Changes7209

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Hello,
I am a converting Catholic who was raised Greek Orthodox. After having 2 children I chose to be surgically sterilized. I did not at the time even realize the Othodox position on birth control is very similar to the Catholic one, though they do not actually cause it a “mortal sin” it is still considered a sin. (By converting to Catholicism, it is ironic I have discovered so much of what I did not know about my own church as they do not systematically teach their members, as do the Catholics.) Anyway, now I have been “fixed” for 5 years and realized this was a mortal sin. I am sorry for what I have done, but the question for me is where to go from here? I have read on other forums that after receiving absolution for the sin, you do NOT have to get the procedure reversed, BUT assuming this is true, can I still have marital relations with my wife, since obvioiusly it would never be about procreation? Further making me feel more confused about this issue is that I can afford the reversal (i.e. it is not as if anything is standing in my way). I suppose my main concern is whether it would be sinful not to have the vasectomy reversed if I intend on continuing to have realtions with my wife… Thanks!!
😊
 
A sin is not a mortal sin if it is done without full knowledge, both of the sin and of the gravity of the offense.

As far as the reversal, that answer needs to come from way above my ‘pay grade’. It is obviously an issue for you that might be alleviated if it is taken care of.
 
There are some “Ask an Apologists” threads on this that might interest you, but to quote Michelle Arnold:

“…Having had a vasectomy, the Church does not require you to reverse it. All that would be required is repentance and sacramental confession. Should you become interested in vasectomy reversal, more information can be found from One More Soul.”

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=43889
 
The Church doesn’t in any way require you to have your surgery reversed. You may decide to go through with the procedure if you so desire and have the means to pay for it. There are no issues with resuming relations with your wife regardless of your decision. All that is required is confession and repentance.

If you don’t mind, I’d like to make a suggestion to you. You are free to do with it as you please… It may put your mind at ease to engage in pro-life causes, such as praying in front of abortion clinics. We ALL need to pray for married couples, that they may be open to life as God would like them to be. Sometimes being out there on the “front lines” is enough to make people think about the sanctity of life.

Someday, hopefully society as a whole will “wise up” and realize that this operation doesn’t “fix” anything. (This is in no way a judgment on you - so many have been brainwashed by the culture of death). I’m sorry that you had to go through that, but armed with God’s forgiveness, you will be a stronger man.
 
I have heard this question on Catholic radio here and there. If memory serves me, it was suggested that if you choose to not opt for a reversal, then you and your wife might consider practicing quasi NFP even though you have had a vasectomy. The idea would be to abstain during the times when she is fertile as you would if you were trying to avoid pregnancy and were, in fact, actually following NFP to do so. That seems to make sense as a means to show that you now wish to follow Church teaching and it also seems to be a form of repentence.
 
You can certainly still have marital relations with your wife now, just as you will be able to when you are older and past child-bearing age.

I know that, even with a vasectomy, another baby is still a possibility. I had a friend in high school who was himself just such a “surprise” for his parents after his father had gotten a vasectomy. Nothing is impossible with God. 🙂
 
SwizzleStick said:
I have heard this question on Catholic radio here and there. If memory serves me, it was suggested that if you choose to not opt for a reversal, then you and your wife might consider practicing quasi NFP even though you have had a vasectomy. The idea would be to abstain during the times when she is fertile as you would if you were trying to avoid pregnancy and were, in fact, actually following NFP to do so. That seems to make sense as a means to show that you now wish to follow Church teaching and it also seems to be a form of repentence.
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My humble perspective on this is that after confession, repentance, and absolution, God has really forgiven you forever. Instead of continually doing some form of penance for this already-forgiven sin and putting a needless stress on your marriage for no moral or practical benefit, instead commit that energy to some POSITIVE spiritual activity, like a bible study group, volunteering at church, etc.

Praying for us all,
  • curl
 
If it were within your means to have it reversed would it be BETTER, spiritually speaking, to do so, or is it a nonissue?
Thanks!!
 
Changes7209 said:
If it were within your means to have it reversed would it be BETTER, spiritually speaking, to do so, or is it a nonissue?
Thanks!!
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It would need some thinking through…prayer…and counsel. For such a procedure I think has certain risks…and one needs to consider them etc…(while still repenting and willing that you had not done this to yourself …and of course willing to be open to life)

Of course all things being equal it is better of course to be able to be fertile (things put back as they should be) etc…but it is surgery and things need to be really taken into consideration.

(I am not a doctor and do not know much regards the possiblities…but I would suggest you speak also with a good Priest…and call the National Catholic Bioethics center…and of course a doctor…)
 
Quote from Changes1709

I have read on other forums that after receiving absolution for the sin, you do NOT have to get the procedure reversed, BUT assuming this is true, can I still have marital relations with my wife, since obvioiusly it would never be about procreation?

Changes, I went through this and decided not to take the surgery risk but I just wanted to make sure you know that while you certainly can have marital relations with your wife you must always end with intercourse, to be open to the possibility of life, just like everyone else sterile or not.
 
Changes7209 said:
Hello,
I am a converting Catholic who was raised Greek Orthodox. After having 2 children I chose to be surgically sterilized. I did not at the time even realize the Othodox position on birth control is very similar to the Catholic one, though they do not actually cause it a “mortal sin” it is still considered a sin. (By converting to Catholicism, it is ironic I have discovered so much of what I did not know about my own church as they do not systematically teach their members, as do the Catholics.) Anyway, now I have been “fixed” for 5 years and realized this was a mortal sin. I am sorry for what I have done, but the question for me is where to go from here? I have read on other forums that after receiving absolution for the sin, you do NOT have to get the procedure reversed, BUT assuming this is true, can I still have marital relations with my wife, since obvioiusly it would never be about procreation? Further making me feel more confused about this issue is that I can afford the reversal (i.e. it is not as if anything is standing in my way). I suppose my main concern is whether it would be sinful not to have the vasectomy reversed if I intend on continuing to have realtions with my wife… Thanks!!
😊
Click to expand...
Been there, have the T-shirt:

Short answer: Confess the sin and do your penance, the go on having sex and don’t beat yourself up for the rest of your life. There’s no need to get a reversal . . . or to try to get one.

Pax,
OA
 
SwizzleStick said:
I have heard this question on Catholic radio here and there. If memory serves me, it was suggested that if you choose to not opt for a reversal, then you and your wife might consider practicing quasi NFP even though you have had a vasectomy.
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That’s what we do. We’ve found that NFP is valuable in its own right for our marriage, even without the chance of pregnancy. Although we’re not that exact about it. More like the obsolete Rhythm Method.

We’re thinking about having a reversal done so that we can have more children (I’m quite young and we only have two now), but it is a surgery and it’s not to be taken lightly. There are complications and such, and it might not even work.
 
Changes7209 said:
If it were within your means to have it reversed would it be BETTER, spiritually speaking, to do so, or is it a nonissue?
Thanks!!
Click to expand...
Non-issue? Hardly. Depends on what you and your wife think about it. Does your current state cheapen the act? Will it? Often times it does. The long term impact of such actions is difficult to see in the short term. It is expensive to have it reversed. But it’s possible that by removing the possibility of pregnancy from the act may cost you more. I think you have to carefully consider the ramifications. Your spirituality is not the only thing at risk, your relationship with your wife may be too. For some, the vas was the worst thing for the relationship, others, not so much. “your mileage may vary.”
 
If you got a vasectomy because your wife is literally falling apart and cant get better health wise because pregnancy undoes the healing process, NFP is nearly impossible because she ovulates twice a month, and 10 kids have pushed you to your absolute limits financially. Would it be so wrong then? What if your wife is in so much pain that she cant deal with the children she has, and is on the verge of a nervous break down trying to cope with pain and getting 10 kids to be become holy Catholics, and good people of society.

that is what I did and I did it without her consent, she didn’t even know I was going till I got back, but I cant stand to see her like that. I try to help as much as I can but I am gone to work 5 days a week. Almost every day I come home to her in tears because of pain and frustration/stress. There are days she cant walk and I have to try and carry her to the washroom and hold her up so she can do her thing. I have woken up to find her sleeping on the floor because that it the only place she can be that helps her relive the pain. I know Catholics who’s wives were given permission to have a hysterectomy for less health issues then what my poor wife goes through. I just want my wife back…

I read somewhere, that it is okay to get a vasectomy if there is a medical reason. Does this qualify? Or I am now a damned man just buying time. I am sorry if I am off topic, but I am confused, feeling very guilty and frustrated. Can anyone help??? Please!

I did confess, and received absolution, but nothing was said about living in sin. I was told to come back to confession in a week so he could consult with his superior. Dose anyone know what I should expect to hear? can anyone give me any guidance?
 
Mr_unsure said:
If you got a vasectomy because your wife is literally falling apart and cant get better health wise because pregnancy undoes the healing process, NFP is nearly impossible because she ovulates twice a month, and 10 kids have pushed you to your absolute limits financially. Would it be so wrong then? What if your wife is in so much pain that she cant deal with the children she has, and is on the verge of a nervous break down trying to cope with pain and getting 10 kids to be become holy Catholics, and good people of society.

that is what I did and I did it without her consent, she didn’t even know I was going till I got back, but I cant stand to see her like that. I try to help as much as I can but I am gone to work 5 days a week. Almost every day I come home to her in tears because of pain and frustration/stress. There are days she cant walk and I have to try and carry her to the washroom and hold her up so she can do her thing. I have woken up to find her sleeping on the floor because that it the only place she can be that helps her relive the pain. I know Catholics who’s wives were given permission to have a hysterectomy for less health issues then what my poor wife goes through. I just want my wife back…

I read somewhere, that it is okay to get a vasectomy if there is a medical reason. Does this qualify? Or I am now a damned man just buying time. I am sorry if I am off topic, but I am confused, feeling very guilty and frustrated. Can anyone help??? Please!

I did confess, and received absolution, but nothing was said about living in sin. I was told to come back to confession in a week so he could consult with his superior. Dose anyone know what I should expect to hear? can anyone give me any guidance?
Click to expand...
The Church requires NFP or abstinence to avoid pregnancy for grave reason. Artificial birth control and voluntary sterilization procedures are **not **permitted under any circustances. Becoming sterile through a medical treatment (think chemo or hysterectomy due to PCOS or another uterine condition) is not a sin and is permitted.

Basically, if your wife’s medical condition were uterine and her doctor recommended hysterectomy to treat or cure her, she would not be committing a sin. If you were to have a vasectomy to avoid pregnancy instead of using NFP or abstaining from sex altogether, you would be committing a Mortal Sin.

You’ve already had the procedure done, so that’s that. I had a tubal ligation before I began converting to Catholicism. When I told our priest I’d been voluntarily sterilized, he said that all I needed to do was make a good Confession. He specifically said that I do not have to abstain from sex or attempt to have the procedure reversed.
 
thanks so much for the fast reply, it gives me hope. I really appreciate it.
 
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