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AltarMan
Guest
Brenda V.:
And the use of a prescribed anti-anxiety medication would be problematic in what way?
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spiritblows
Guest
You know, I just cannot believe that the Parish can’t accomodate this. Actually, I think this big ta do, making baptisms a big spectacle, and part of the Mass, is a relatively new thing. It’s part of this whole post-Vatican 2 obsession with ‘community’. Well, let me tell you, the Church of yesteryear had more sensitivity for more reserved people. They had more private confessions, people were quieter in church, and baptisms were more of a private affair.
Now the Church has gone the path of the rest of the culture… Big, brash, with hot-tubs, and the expectation that more sensitive people just need to ‘get over’ their reserve, or else take a benzo-diazapine for their anxiety.
Geez, I’m sick of this attitude in our society! There is all this talk about ‘diversity’, and it’s empty talk, that’s what it is. Diversity is okay. As long as you enjoy bright lights, loud spectacles, and getting up in front of lots of people, you can be any size, shape or color you like. But don’t dare deviate from the extraverted norm, or get on meds, bucko!
Now the Church has gone the path of the rest of the culture… Big, brash, with hot-tubs, and the expectation that more sensitive people just need to ‘get over’ their reserve, or else take a benzo-diazapine for their anxiety.
Geez, I’m sick of this attitude in our society! There is all this talk about ‘diversity’, and it’s empty talk, that’s what it is. Diversity is okay. As long as you enjoy bright lights, loud spectacles, and getting up in front of lots of people, you can be any size, shape or color you like. But don’t dare deviate from the extraverted norm, or get on meds, bucko!
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Isaiah4031
Guest
This is probably the best advice I’ve read in this thread. It would be better if you could avoid taking drugs. Put your heart in God’s hands and trust Him.I was just reading the other day about how, when she was young - er, younger - St. Therese of Lisieux was painfully shy: exactly the words you use. However, she was miraculously cured of this sensitivity through an actual grace received at Midnight Mass on Christmas when she was 13. She didn’t grow out of it, she didn’t employ psychological remedies - no, she was supernaturally healed by the Infant Jesus.
So here’s a thought: let Therese handle the problem for you. Read her autobiography, if you haven’t already. If you have, read something else by or about her. I recommend her Last Conversations (tr. John Clarke, OCD; ICS PUblications, 1977). Then offer your shyness in a novena to her as the Big Day approaches. All I can say is, she’s never let me down.
This Easter will mark my 16th anniversary of being in your shoes up there. Welcome to the One True Church! :clapping:
This Easter will mark my 11th as a full member. It is a moment of great joy and peace. I think when you get to that day, the joy and peace you will feel in your heart will overcome the fear. I will pray for you.
God Bless!
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tjmiller
Guest
Let’s look for some *spiritual * solutions.
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spiritblows
Guest
Right, see my above post. A spiritual solution would be for the Church to allow more private baptisms. Let the OP come on a Saturday morning and have a calm, private ceremony. Then they can have their 1st communion the next day. That’s what I did and it was just right. I’m so thankful that I had an old fashioned priest!
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tjmiller
Guest
That’s a logistical solution, not a spiritual solution.
A genuine spiritual solution lies within the grace of God working in the soul. Spiritual victory for the OP lies, not in seeking out special liturgical treatment, but in overcoming anxieties with the supernatural grace of God. The harder way is more spiritually and eternally meritorious than the humanly easier way.
What could be a greater blessing for this Meek Lamb, than to be received into the Church at the Passover Feast through the way of the Cross - through difficulty and sacrifice which conforms her to the image of the Crucified Master? That painful shyness is a blessing in disguise.
As Figment approaches the Great Day with trepidation, she can unite her fear and trembling with the Lamb Who was Slain. She has a greater treasure to offer the Lord than do those who are confident and unafraid. Unless one has a genuinely serious disorder, perish the thought of losing such spiritual wealtth through recourse to merely human means.
St. Therese will show you the way you will tread to triumph, Figment. Not in drugs (although I have used them, too, and they do have their place), and not in special pastoral treatment. Your very weakness is the path to your greatest strength. Don’t give that weakness up, but offer it to the merciful love of God, and let Him work through it…It is in our powerlessness that God has opportunity to show His greatest power.
A genuine spiritual solution lies within the grace of God working in the soul. Spiritual victory for the OP lies, not in seeking out special liturgical treatment, but in overcoming anxieties with the supernatural grace of God. The harder way is more spiritually and eternally meritorious than the humanly easier way.
What could be a greater blessing for this Meek Lamb, than to be received into the Church at the Passover Feast through the way of the Cross - through difficulty and sacrifice which conforms her to the image of the Crucified Master? That painful shyness is a blessing in disguise.
As Figment approaches the Great Day with trepidation, she can unite her fear and trembling with the Lamb Who was Slain. She has a greater treasure to offer the Lord than do those who are confident and unafraid. Unless one has a genuinely serious disorder, perish the thought of losing such spiritual wealtth through recourse to merely human means.
St. Therese will show you the way you will tread to triumph, Figment. Not in drugs (although I have used them, too, and they do have their place), and not in special pastoral treatment. Your very weakness is the path to your greatest strength. Don’t give that weakness up, but offer it to the merciful love of God, and let Him work through it…It is in our powerlessness that God has opportunity to show His greatest power.
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dulcissima
Guest
I am also terribly shy. I had a really hard time with all of the Sunday dismissals and special rites through out the year. Do you know what though, the Easter Vigil is different. It is so special, you will be glad that there was no special accommodations, no private baptism.
The atmosphere is very different than a regular mass. It will have just become dark. Everyone has this sense of anticipation, even more so than on Christmas eve. You will feel already a real sense of communion with your fellow catechumens. Most of the people who will be at the Easter Vigil will be there because they either have a loved one who is being recieved into the church or they have been through it themselves and want to be their to experience your joy with you. They will be almost more like participants, not people who are sitting back and watching you. The lighting will be very dark in the beginning. Everyone will go outside and a fire will be lit. There will be no pressure. When you come back inside, the lighting will be subdued. There will be a feeling of calmness. When you receive the sacraments on this night you will feel the graces. Half the people there, whether or not they are the ones being received, will be crying with happiness, or beaming with joy. There is nothing you could do or say that could possibly cause you any embarassment. Do you know, I brought up the gifts that night without even feeling self-conscious. Somehow on that night everything is different. I have brought up the gifts a couple of times since then, and at a normal mass, I still feel too self-conscious and it takes a real effort to force myself to do it. It isn’t like that at the Easter vigil.
I have been to a few vigils since then, at parishes in three different states, watching my husband, my sister, my sister-in-law and her husband, and my neice (now my goddaughter) all be welcomed into the Catholic Church, and despite differences in the style of church, from modern to nearly 300 years old, the atmosphere of the night was always the same. It is a holy and special night. One that you will not want to miss.
The atmosphere is very different than a regular mass. It will have just become dark. Everyone has this sense of anticipation, even more so than on Christmas eve. You will feel already a real sense of communion with your fellow catechumens. Most of the people who will be at the Easter Vigil will be there because they either have a loved one who is being recieved into the church or they have been through it themselves and want to be their to experience your joy with you. They will be almost more like participants, not people who are sitting back and watching you. The lighting will be very dark in the beginning. Everyone will go outside and a fire will be lit. There will be no pressure. When you come back inside, the lighting will be subdued. There will be a feeling of calmness. When you receive the sacraments on this night you will feel the graces. Half the people there, whether or not they are the ones being received, will be crying with happiness, or beaming with joy. There is nothing you could do or say that could possibly cause you any embarassment. Do you know, I brought up the gifts that night without even feeling self-conscious. Somehow on that night everything is different. I have brought up the gifts a couple of times since then, and at a normal mass, I still feel too self-conscious and it takes a real effort to force myself to do it. It isn’t like that at the Easter vigil.
I have been to a few vigils since then, at parishes in three different states, watching my husband, my sister, my sister-in-law and her husband, and my neice (now my goddaughter) all be welcomed into the Catholic Church, and despite differences in the style of church, from modern to nearly 300 years old, the atmosphere of the night was always the same. It is a holy and special night. One that you will not want to miss.
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Traditional_Ang
Guest
Alterman:
I don’t think Brenda was dealing with that issue.
For the record, I think Figment713 should talk this over with his doctor and obt a) A letter for his priest describing his condition, and obtain (if needed) b) A prescription for a SMALL AMOUNT of an anti-anxiety medication help him deal with the anxiety. Figment713’s doctor will know how serious her condition is and whether these things are needed.
I’ll say the rest to Figment713.
In Christ, Michael
P.S.: I can understand how you felt about the “Litergical Dance” during the Easter Vigil. I always wonder why people who plan these things try to demonstrate how progessive they are instead of showing how full and rich the Faith is.
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Traditional_Ang
Guest
Figment713:After spending what truly is more than half of my life contemplating making the “trip across the Tiber”, I finally started attending RCIA this past fall. If things proceed as expected I should become “fully Catholic” at the Easter Vigil this year (April 15th…less than 4 months away now).
While this is someting I want, possibly more than you who are already a part of the church can understand, I also have a bit of a problem.
You see: I truly am painfully shy. And, since I’ve never even been baptized (raised by the sort of parents who left it to their 8 children to decide matters of faith on their own), this is all really going to be a to do. Me, I’d sort of rather “sneak in the back door” so to speak…just be non participatory in the Eucharist on Palm Sunday, and then be able to participate fully on Easter.
I know that this is more than a personal thing…that it’s becoming a part of a “tribe”. It’s just the very thought of standing in the front of the tribe and having everyone watch makes me want to vomit. (I had a bad enough time at the Rite of Acceptance, and that was really fast!)
Has anyone else ever felt this way?
(I know. I know. I should simply learn to “give it up”. I’m just hoping not to pass out or vomit on Father’s shoes!)
I once made a bit of a spectacle of myself to help a priest from Sri Lanka who was nervous and shy because it was it was both his first time in the US and his first Mass in the US. I was able to help him out because he alerted me to his situation. So, I think you should do whatever it takes to alert you sponsers, your parish priest and whatever classmates you trust about your feelings. That way, you won’t be alone - You’ll have have people looking out and praying for you. You’ve done that already with us.
TJMiller has suggested that you read about the life of St. Therese of Lisieux. Since we believe in something called the “Communion of Saints”, and since St. Therese of Lisieux was painfully shy as a teenager, I suggest that you might ask for her intercession. There is no reason we shouldn’t be praying for God to heal you for this or to give you some sort of ability to cope with this.
Some posters have suggested talking to your physician and getting a note for him for your priest so you can do this privately or getting a prescription for anti-anxiety medication. If your psychiatrist believes one of those is the only way to deal with the anxiety, OK. But, I"d much rather see you be given the grace to cope with your shyness so that the whole body of your parish could celebrate as the angels are celebrating now.
I will be prayer for you, as I’m sure the posters who read this will. I hope this helps.
In Christ, Michael
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mgy100
Guest
There are plenty of nerve calming medicines that aren’t valium. I think people’s misconceptions are just that. If her condition is that serious how can a bit of ativan or a small dose of xanax from a good physician hurt her? It isn’t going to blur her experience. I think the anxiety and shaking would blur the experience worse.
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Figment713
Guest
I do want to most sincerely thank each and every one of you for taking the time to respond to my post.
You know, I stated that “becoming catholic” was something which I know I have wanted for well better than half of my life. I’ve attended mass for several years. It was only this past year that I finally did the necessary to get myself into RCIA.
Even “knowing it”, since enrolling in RCIA each and every time I walk into church, my very first prayer is that God will tell me if this isn’t what he wants for me to do (or where he doesn’t want for me to be). I figure the sense of utter peace I get from the mass (even though I’m not fully participatory) is my answer. That is, indeed, where God wants me to be, and this is what he wants me to be doing.
Now, it is simply up to me to do the necessary! And I recognize it should never be “all about me”…about the way I feel, etc. We’re after something much greater here! And I keep telling myself that any “emotional suffering” I experience is nothing compared to folks who DIED for their faith! (I’m REALLY beating myself up on this point!)
Anyway, thanks to all of you. I shall continue to pray on it as I have for years. (It surely would be easier, tho’, to simply wake up one day as a catholic!
)
You know, I stated that “becoming catholic” was something which I know I have wanted for well better than half of my life. I’ve attended mass for several years. It was only this past year that I finally did the necessary to get myself into RCIA.
Even “knowing it”, since enrolling in RCIA each and every time I walk into church, my very first prayer is that God will tell me if this isn’t what he wants for me to do (or where he doesn’t want for me to be). I figure the sense of utter peace I get from the mass (even though I’m not fully participatory) is my answer. That is, indeed, where God wants me to be, and this is what he wants me to be doing.
Now, it is simply up to me to do the necessary! And I recognize it should never be “all about me”…about the way I feel, etc. We’re after something much greater here! And I keep telling myself that any “emotional suffering” I experience is nothing compared to folks who DIED for their faith! (I’m REALLY beating myself up on this point!)
Anyway, thanks to all of you. I shall continue to pray on it as I have for years. (It surely would be easier, tho’, to simply wake up one day as a catholic!
)
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AltarMan
Guest
So? I think it would be far more nourishing to be part of the Easter Vigil Mass* if *one was able to do so without terrible anxiety…
God makes everything possible –
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AltarMan
Guest
YUP!
Why dot enjoy it instead of having to “gut” through it?
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asquared
Guest
I don’t think any of us on this forum is competent to give medical advice to another person, and I am sure OP already has a doctor, and will ask for medical advice if and when he sees the need. Our answers should be confined to the topic, which is the spiritual preparation for the sacraments of initiation, and since this is the L&S forum, Church teaching regarding the sacraments, preparation, and reception.
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Brenda_V
Guest
Not being a physician but having a small knowledge of the anti-anxiety drugs out there - one tablet, for one night will generally not even work. Many of these drugs require weeks of use before the desired effect happens.
If indeed our OP’s physician thinks this would work then it is one of the means he/she can use to overcome this anxiety. But (and you may have been the one to say this) the use of a drug needs to be the absolute last resource!
Brenda V.
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spiritblows
Guest
Brenda V.:
It does have possible side effects such as oversedation, dizziness, weakness, unsteadiness etc.
That’s not correct with anti-anxiety drugs, such as ativan or xanax. They are benzodiazapines and do not need to build up in ones system. Ativan (Lorazepam) is the drug of choice in the acute care setting for alcohol withdrawl and is given IV, with immediate results.
It does have possible side effects such as oversedation, dizziness, weakness, unsteadiness etc.
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Confiteor
Guest
Figment,I do want to most sincerely thank each and every one of you for taking the time to respond to my post.
You know, I stated that “becoming catholic” was something which I know I have wanted for well better than half of my life. I’ve attended mass for several years. It was only this past year that I finally did the necessary to get myself into RCIA.
Even “knowing it”, since enrolling in RCIA each and every time I walk into church, my very first prayer is that God will tell me if this isn’t what he wants for me to do (or where he doesn’t want for me to be). I figure the sense of utter peace I get from the mass (even though I’m not fully participatory) is my answer. That is, indeed, where God wants me to be, and this is what he wants me to be doing.
Now, it is simply up to me to do the necessary! And I recognize it should never be “all about me”…about the way I feel, etc. We’re after something much greater here! And I keep telling myself that any “emotional suffering” I experience is nothing compared to folks who DIED for their faith! (I’m REALLY beating myself up on this point!)
Anyway, thanks to all of you. I shall continue to pray on it as I have for years. (It surely would be easier, tho’, to simply wake up one day as a catholic!
Some of what goes at the Easter Vigil is very beautiful and only happens once during the liturgical year…I wonder if you have been at this liturgy before or if it was explained to you in detail? One thing I think puts some off in our parish is the immersion baptism --that does require some courage to go through in front of the congregation. Afterwards, people are a little cold and a lttle exposed until they get to change again. I don’t care for this approach though some will argue it is the most ancient, bla, bla, bla. I think we are a little unusual in this (and many) aspects and you may be baptized by pouring. The baptisms are the most individualized of the sacraments received. The rest of the ritual --Communion and Confirmation --are done with your group of Catechumens and Candidates more or less together and I doubt you will find this too anxiety provoking.
If you are not facing immersion baptism (which is NOT necessary) and/or are already baptized, relax! I would never recommend a drug to help you get through an experience like this. Better to know precisely what is going on with the use of your own unadulterated senses. A little anxiety or nervousness is natural in this situation. Even if you’re more so than most, better that than medicated for an anticipated reaction. That would set a bad precedent for the future when you will no doubt have other anxiety-provoking situations to face. For me, having to present the gifts at church is a little nerve wracking because the pastor uses a huge carafe (glass) and used to use a big glass salad bowl; I was always sure either I or one of my children would slip and drop something.
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Monica37
Guest
If there is a way to recieve the sacraments in a way that is fulfilling and meaningful to her without the anxiety of being in front of a group of people or medication, it seems that that would be the path of least resistance. Why would we want to make something so wonderful so difficult. For many people standing in front of the church comunity is great, but for some it is a nightmare. Let’s just try to make it the best experience it can be for that person. Anyway, I still think the OP should discuss it with her priest and go from there. But to try to force the issue of standing up in front of everyone when she clearly has difficulty with may not make for the most meaningful experience for her.
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Marian_Carroll
Guest
**It is not possible for reliable medical support to be given in an open forum community. Any advice could, potentially, be dangerous. People experiencing specific health problems should seek a referral to a certified health professional.
The thread has been edited so as to remove “medical advice” or commentary upon specific medications, etc. While we realize that those posting meant it in the best possible way in trying to offer some support and possible remedies for the problem under discussion, medical advice is best offered by an individuals’ own physician at their own request.
As the thread has now offered some spiritual suggestions, emotional support, various alternatives and the idea that if all else fails, a possible consultation with a medical professional, it is now closed.
Thanks to all who participated with their support.
**
The thread has been edited so as to remove “medical advice” or commentary upon specific medications, etc. While we realize that those posting meant it in the best possible way in trying to offer some support and possible remedies for the problem under discussion, medical advice is best offered by an individuals’ own physician at their own request.
As the thread has now offered some spiritual suggestions, emotional support, various alternatives and the idea that if all else fails, a possible consultation with a medical professional, it is now closed.
Thanks to all who participated with their support.
**
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