Handling a Break-up

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angelcrystal85

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Thank you for reading my situation. My boyfriend who I met online Catholic website broke up with me two weeks ago and not sure how to cope. I do feel is my fault for our relationship to end because I felt I took him for granted. We developed a beautiful and pure relationship long-distance. We had a great Time together, we prayed, watched movies, help each other in faith and in our personal lives. I help him discover to pursue a new career direction that he is so exited that he found it.

I was going through a stressful time in my life when he decided to move closer to where I live. I felt I was not ready, I panicked, and he perceived it as rejection and then he decided to end things because he was so happy And exited to move and be close to me. Then he went on and said things like is not you is me, we are not meant to be together, I need to heal depression (he does suffer on-off depression), he needs space, ect. He withdrew completely from me. I told him I was going to delete him and block him from Facebook because It hurts me to see he will start talking to other women. Earlier this year we took a break because of his depression. All of sudden I saw he befriend this girl in Facebook which she started to flirt with him and adding comments where I had comments.

I told him why he is talking to another woman If we were in a break, he said because he started to feel lonely. It resulted this woman was his second choice and I was first choice to date from The online Catholic dating website. Then he went on and delete her, But she still messaged him flirty messages knowing I was dating him. He told me it was a mistake, things would not work out between Them because she did not had a strong Catholic faith like I do ect. Long story short, he is talking to this woman again. It just hurt me that he always had her in his mind as second choice all the time we were dating in case it did not workout between us. She did not respect me, she was purposely sending messages to him for us to fight and break up, it just shows the type of woman she is.

I know we are not Dating anymore but I just can’t believe he is moving so fast and talking to this woman To forget me. I am here, not interested in dating because I have strong feelings for this guy. Guys ask me out all the time, but I have high standards and I am only interested in dating men that share the same Catholic faith like I do. Is hard for me in the area That I live to meet good Catholic guys that’s why I did online dating. I am Trying to focus on praying more, having God the center of my life, mature and grow the woman God wants me to be, Working out, ect.

All of sudden I breakdown and get very sad and depressed, I have a longing to love. Share my happiness, my life, to another human Being. I love connecting deeply. I felt I took him for granted because the last two months before the relationship I was preparing for a big event That I was going to participate and we rarely talk as he date approached because it was taking me a lot of my time. He supported me and was happy that I was going to be part of a big event. But now that I think of it, I should never Have done it because it caused me to lose my best friend and boyfriend. I though he was the one, everything was well. We Skype and talk everyday for the whole year, he visit often and I also visit him, we had a big connection Because we both have strong Catholic faith, he even said we would have been engaged if we were close.

Im 29 now, and sometimes I feel left out. I see everyone around me getting married and starting families. Thanks you everyone God bless you 🙂
 
Well, I read your story. But I’m not sure what to tell you.

It might still work out, you know. It seems to me.

I would put this intention / petition into the hands of Our Lady, pray your rosary every day, and ask her to take care of it. I think she will.

Don’t be too proud to try and fix things. Pray a lot about it. At least persistently.

Jesus Bless You. 🙂
 
Thank you! Yes, I started the 54 day Rosary Novena, I do love Our Lady and I think she is holding me through this time. It is hard, but I know God will bring the best out of this situation. I just need to trust God more. Thank you and God Bless You!
 
angelcrystal85 said:
Thank you for reading my situation. My boyfriend who I met online Catholic website broke up with me two weeks ago and not sure how to cope. I do feel is my fault for our relationship to end because I felt I took him for granted. We developed a beautiful and pure relationship long-distance. We had a great Time together, we prayed, watched movies, help each other in faith and in our personal lives. I help him discover to pursue a new career direction that he is so exited that he found it.

I was going through a stressful time in my life when he decided to move closer to where I live. I felt I was not ready, I panicked, and he perceived it as rejection and then he decided to end things because he was so happy And exited to move and be close to me. Then he went on and said things like is not you is me, we are not meant to be together, I need to heal depression (he does suffer on-off depression), he needs space, ect. He withdrew completely from me. I told him I was going to delete him and block him from Facebook because It hurts me to see he will start talking to other women. Earlier this year we took a break because of his depression. All of sudden I saw he befriend this girl in Facebook which she started to flirt with him and adding comments where I had comments.

I told him why he is talking to another woman If we were in a break, he said because he started to feel lonely. It resulted this woman was his second choice and I was first choice to date from The online Catholic dating website. Then he went on and delete her, But she still messaged him flirty messages knowing I was dating him. He told me it was a mistake, things would not work out between Them because she did not had a strong Catholic faith like I do ect. Long story short, he is talking to this woman again. It just hurt me that he always had her in his mind as second choice all the time we were dating in case it did not workout between us. She did not respect me, she was purposely sending messages to him for us to fight and break up, it just shows the type of woman she is.

I know we are not Dating anymore but I just can’t believe he is moving so fast and talking to this woman To forget me. I am here, not interested in dating because I have strong feelings for this guy. Guys ask me out all the time, but I have high standards and I am only interested in dating men that share the same Catholic faith like I do. Is hard for me in the area That I live to meet good Catholic guys that’s why I did online dating. I am Trying to focus on praying more, having God the center of my life, mature and grow the woman God wants me to be, Working out, ect.

All of sudden I breakdown and get very sad and depressed, I have a longing to love. Share my happiness, my life, to another human Being. I love connecting deeply. I felt I took him for granted because the last two months before the relationship I was preparing for a big event That I was going to participate and we rarely talk as he date approached because it was taking me a lot of my time. He supported me and was happy that I was going to be part of a big event. But now that I think of it, I should never Have done it because it caused me to lose my best friend and boyfriend. I though he was the one, everything was well. We Skype and talk everyday for the whole year, he visit often and I also visit him, we had a big connection Because we both have strong Catholic faith, he even said we would have been engaged if we were close.

Im 29 now, and sometimes I feel left out. I see everyone around me getting married and starting families. Thanks you everyone God bless you 🙂
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That sounds very painful, that you got your hopes up with him.

Since you’re not yet married, he is free to see other people, unless you make some kind of agreement otherwise.

His depression concerns me. If he was already to the point of distancing off from you, and you’re not yet married, I would wonder what would happen were you to be married.

If there are any mental health issues, those really need to be treated. Is he seeking treatment for the depression? Sadness is one thing, the emotional equivalent of a cold. Depression is the emotional equivalent of cancer and needs to be tended to, not ignored.

There are various ways to tend to depression, counseling, medication if indicated, but the depression shouldn’t be hurting his relationships. If it is, then it means it’s time to take stronger measures.

You were trying to handle this long distance, but were you to get serious and marry, depression is not only hard on the one with it but everyone around.

In the interest of both, he would have needed to work on the depression first, anyway, to have a shot at a good relationship, and moreso with the possibility of marriage.

As painful as this is, if it doesn’t come together, it wasn’t meant to be, and that even might be for the best, hard as it is right now.

Further, it’s more attractive when we are happy, have friends, interests and aren’t acting jealous, possessive. Jealousy/envy can be a turn off, push people away.

Even though you were his first choice, unless you’re married, he has a right to see others, as do you. There’s absolutely no commitment.

As to handling a breakup, it’ll definitely hurt, but keeping busy and focusing on work, studies, friendships can make it easier. I looked online to find tips on handling breakups and found this.

wikihow.com/Get-Over-a-Break-Up

Time cures all wounds, and the pain will fade given time.

If you are asked out, why not go, he’s not waiting for you. I think you should only see him exclusively if he is seeing you exclusively. Just go out with others as friends in the meantime. You two aren’t married.

When it’s right, when you’re engaged, you can then make it more exclusive.

Good luck! 🙂
 
I feel for you i really do!..but if he is keeping this women on standby as option 2 then that is disrespectful to you!..and if shes reappearing every time you split up or are on a break then maybe hes been in contact with her the whole time…

I know you dont want to hear it but you deserve to be with someone who is fully commited to you and doesnt keep a second option woman on the sidelines…
 
ClearWater makes good sense, too. I have long-standing depression, and I pretty much agree with what she says. However, people have depression in varying degrees. Some are more dysfunctional than others.

Keep praying and trusting! 🙂
 
What you are going through here is not unusual.

As a guy, I’ve had women like the idea of being with me, but “panic” when things got serious. :rolleyes:

Frankly speaking, some people just like talking to different, faraway people on-line and collecting friends on facebook, almost like stamps or something. 🤷

Also, the whole situation about being on “a break”, well, ever since I saw that on Friends, I thought it was a dumb idea, because it’s too much of a gray area.

In terms of on-line dating, yeah, the open flirting on facebook can really get to some people, and I’m not saying it should or shouldn’t, but games or inconsistencies like that was something in the end I wasn’t about to tolerate, and frankly, I don’t think you should either.

When people start putting with that, it’s an invitation to trouble, so you were right to call him out on it, because I’m sure you don’t want to be in his back-pocket.

But again, what you have experienced is not unusual, but I think you need to ask yourself if you are really ready for a serious relationship or are in the right mindset to meet men on-line. Even the fact that you met him, his friends, family or whatever. It may sound trite, but it happens.

It’s fine if you are not and I won’t think any less of you.

I cannot in good conscience advise a man to move next to a female partner (especially when they met on-line) if the woman is going to panic instead of being excited or relieved.

It’s very mature and humble of you to admit to possible fault, but I think perhaps you are better off not talking to him or seeing what he is up to on social media.

When I broke it off with women on-line, I blocked them on numerous occasions as well. I actually think they were surprised that a guy would have the inner strength to do that as it tends to be more women who do that, but nonetheless it often is for the best and I think as time passes you’ll see that.

I’m sure there’s someone out there for you. 👍

:gopray:
 
angelcrystal85 said:
Thank you for reading my situation. My boyfriend who I met online Catholic website broke up with me two weeks ago and not sure how to cope. I do feel is my fault for our relationship to end because I felt I took him for granted. We developed a beautiful and pure relationship long-distance. We had a great Time together, we prayed, watched movies, help each other in faith and in our personal lives. I help him discover to pursue a new career direction that he is so exited that he found it.

I was going through a stressful time in my life when he decided to move closer to where I live. I felt I was not ready, I panicked, and he perceived it as rejection and then he decided to end things because he was so happy And exited to move and be close to me. Then he went on and said things like is not you is me, we are not meant to be together, I need to heal depression (he does suffer on-off depression), he needs space, ect. He withdrew completely from me. I told him I was going to delete him and block him from Facebook because It hurts me to see he will start talking to other women. Earlier this year we took a break because of his depression. All of sudden I saw he befriend this girl in Facebook which she started to flirt with him and adding comments where I had comments.

I told him why he is talking to another woman If we were in a break, he said because he started to feel lonely. It resulted this woman was his second choice and I was first choice to date from The online Catholic dating website. Then he went on and delete her, But she still messaged him flirty messages knowing I was dating him. He told me it was a mistake, things would not work out between Them because she did not had a strong Catholic faith like I do ect. Long story short, he is talking to this woman again. It just hurt me that he always had her in his mind as second choice all the time we were dating in case it did not workout between us. She did not respect me, she was purposely sending messages to him for us to fight and break up, it just shows the type of woman she is.

I know we are not Dating anymore but I just can’t believe he is moving so fast and talking to this woman To forget me. I am here, not interested in dating because I have strong feelings for this guy. Guys ask me out all the time, but I have high standards and I am only interested in dating men that share the same Catholic faith like I do. Is hard for me in the area That I live to meet good Catholic guys that’s why I did online dating. I am Trying to focus on praying more, having God the center of my life, mature and grow the woman God wants me to be, Working out, ect.

All of sudden I breakdown and get very sad and depressed, I have a longing to love. Share my happiness, my life, to another human Being. I love connecting deeply. I felt I took him for granted because the last two months before the relationship I was preparing for a big event That I was going to participate and we rarely talk as he date approached because it was taking me a lot of my time. He supported me and was happy that I was going to be part of a big event. But now that I think of it, I should never Have done it because it caused me to lose my best friend and boyfriend. I though he was the one, everything was well. We Skype and talk everyday for the whole year, he visit often and I also visit him, we had a big connection Because we both have strong Catholic faith, he even said we would have been engaged if we were close.

Im 29 now, and sometimes I feel left out. I see everyone around me getting married and starting families. Thanks you everyone God bless you 🙂
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Breaking up is hard to do, but the purpose of dating is to find a spouse, and it seems to me that this guy is hardly husband material. I wouldn’t be surprised if he finds a third girl to keep to the side, just in case this current relationship doesn’t work out. Cut off all contact with him and keep yourself busy. Unless he his a knuckle-dragging, fire-breathing,
axe murder, accept the next date; it doesn’t have to be anything huge, just coffee and a conversation would be fine. I
 
Catholic1954 said:
Breaking up is hard to do, but the purpose of dating is to find a spouse, and it seems to me that this guy is hardly husband material. I wouldn’t be surprised if he finds a third girl to keep to the side, just in case this current relationship doesn’t work out. Cut off all contact with him and keep yourself busy. Unless he his a knuckle-dragging, fire-breathing,
axe murder, accept the next date; it doesn’t have to be anything huge, just coffee and a conversation would be fine. I
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lol :rotfl: You guys crack me up!

😉
 
When guys have told me they wanted a “break”, “space”, it has always meant they were breaking up but that was how they phrased it to try to spare me my feelings.

If you are depressed, too, get help.

There’s counseling, and a counselor can tell you if you need more.

If the two of you are depressed, that doesn’t bode well.
 
Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. He does suffer from depression and he is currently in medication. I advice him to go to counseling and he did and help him a lot. When he wanted to move close to me, I was under a lot of stress and the middle of participating in a huge event. I was going to rehearsal practices an hour away from my house after work twice a week, weekends I was designing my costumes , I would go to social events to promote the event I was going to be ect. I was overwhelm with this, and him moving close to me was another huge thing and I told him to wait. I guess he took it like rejection and broke things off. Now that is all over and I am back to my normal life, if he was going to move I would not have a problem. I would be very happy and exited for him to come and see me.
It just saddens me that if he is talking to this other woman, is it because he is trying to cope with our loss of the relationship. He even told me this woman is not that good of a person. He said it would have been a physical relationship and it would not last. I am just worried because I care for him and I don’t want him to get hurt and his depression gets worse. I agree we are free now to see other people. But I just don’t understand after a lot of sacrifice all the year, growing together closer through Christ, is thrown out as if nothing happen.
I am praying for him and praying for God to help me through this. Its very challenging to find guys that are honest and are devout Catholics. It took me a while online dating to find him. I try to keep busy, I am a catechist teacher and I feel it does help me a lot. Blessings and than you everyone!
 
crystal_waters said:
I feel for you i really do!..but if he is keeping this women on standby as option 2 then that is disrespectful to you!..and if shes reappearing every time you split up or are on a break then maybe hes been in contact with her the whole time…

I know you dont want to hear it but you deserve to be with someone who is fully commited to you and doesnt keep a second option woman on the sidelines…
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I agree 100% with crystal waters because you deserve someone who is FULLY committed to you and not emotionally split with this other woman. It hurts when that happens but you have to tell yourself that it’s better to walk away. That kind of guy will never be marriage material because he doesn’t know what a committed relationship is. I know how this feels but be strong, I’ll be praying for you.
 
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