Handling a difficult boss

[angelcrystal85]

Hi Everyone,

I am having trouble at work because my boss is very controlling and micromanager. She has been my manager for a year now, she was a coworker and now was promoted to manager. Is been very very hard for me. We have status meetings everyday, I need to CC her on everything, she has given me bad reviews, because she wants things her own way. She gets mad and makes me feel bad when I do small mistakes. She is workaholic and stays late all the time.
I am hard working, I been in my career for 8 years and never felt so miserable or depressed in a job as Im now. I been interviewing but I havent been offer a job. I work in a creative career, I work the best when I feel trusted and when Im given the freedom. Please pray for me . What should I do in the meantime?

 

[Della]

Can you talk to her about this? She probably has no idea she is being overbearing. She seems so focused on the job and doing well herself that she can’t see what’s she’s doing to others. If she won’t listen, Is there someone higher up you can go to? And are you the only one she treats like this? If others are having the same experience, it would help your cause to have them along when you talk to her, or if you need to take it higher. I’m not saying that anyone should try to ruin her career or get her fired, but rather that she, and those over her, have the responsibility to see that she isn’t creating a hostile work environment. But she’ll never change unless she’s made to face the reality of the situation. If she or her superiors won’t do that, then you definitely need to seek employment elsewhere. If nothing works out in the meantime, pray, be patient with her, and keep on looking for another job.

 

[angelcrystal85]

Thank you for your reply. I have tried and she won’t listen. She thinks her way is the only way, and that’s it. She wants to control me completely. She does treat others the same way, one of them found a new job, the other person actually likes to be told what to do because he lacks confidence on how to do the projects. I think it boils down that we have different personalities. She does not trust me, she said I am underperforming and everyone else is seeing it (I know is not true, she says it to make me feel bad, I ask her to give me specific projects which ones and she could not answer me). Instead of motivating me, I feel more deflated. I am looking for new place. But in the meantime, is hard because I start getting anxiety attacks and depression. Once I am home I feel happy and the negative feelings go away. I been praying to Mary to help me, she is always looking for me to mess up so she can set me up, even if its missing a period in a page. I feel pressured and with fear all the time. Before she was promoted, my other boss was more easy going and I was more relaxed. I been in my career for 12 years, and I feel I am treated worse than an intern.

 

[chevalier]

Hi Everyone,

I am having trouble at work because my boss is very controlling and micromanager. She has been my manager for a year now, she was a coworker and now was promoted to manager. Is been very very hard for me. We have status meetings everyday, I need to CC her on everything, she has given me bad reviews, because she wants things her own way. She gets mad and makes me feel bad when I do small mistakes. She is workaholic and stays late all the time.
I am hard working, I been in my career for 8 years and never felt so miserable or depressed in a job as Im now. I been interviewing but I havent been offer a job. I work in a creative career, I work the best when I feel trusted and when Im given the freedom. Please pray for me . What should I do in the meantime?

Promoted creatives sometimes make poor bosses for other creatives. I’d probably take it up the chain, go to higher management and explain that I’d been sucking it up for a while in order to avoid making trouble for a colleague turned manager, but that now I was no longer prepared to continue to accept bad reviews and workplace harassment just for the sake of peace. I would turn their attention to the impact of the problem on my physical and mental health, in a respectful way but making it clear it’s real life and they’re dealing with a real person, not just pushing some paper around the office.

she said I am underperforming and everyone else is seeing it (I know is not true, she says it to make me feel bad, I ask her to give me specific projects which ones and she could not answer me)

Well, that’s lying and harassment, I’d probably report her if she refused to come to terms. In the report, I’d probably make it clear that I was suspecting some sort of issues which she seemed incapable of dealing with and needed counselling for as opposed to knowing/wilful misconduct.

 

[shainski]

You will never be able to change this person.

I’m happy that you are pursuing other opportunities. If you have other opportunities in the same company, pursue those.

But she is not going to change.

Once you see that there are other opportunities out there, you are going to feel a lot more confident in yourself, and you will be much happier.

Until that time, if you don’t have the ear of a higher up, then do things her way. She won’t show that she appreciates you, but, at least you’ll be getting a pay check.

When you finally have the opportunity to leave, then be gracious. Tell her the truth that you don’t work well when you are micromanaged - but wish her well. Leave on a good note.

 

[PaulinVA]

She is acting like a typical new manager.

She hasn’t learned to delegate responsibility - so she tries to manage her work and everyone elses. It doesn’t work.

I would complain to HR, not he boss. Sometimes HR can take a non-adversarial approach of, “We have a new manager who needs a little help” instead of “people are complaining that you suck”.

 

[PattiDay]

Since you are looking for another position, tell yourself that this will not last forever. You may need to bite the bullet and try to do things the way she wants them done. You know, kill her with kindness. It may hurt your pride that you are under appreciated and not trusted, but it will be better for you physically and emotionally if you don’t constantly fight her. She is the boss, hard as that may be for you to accept, and has a right to expect you to do the job the way she thinks it should be done, even if you know your way is better. You said she’s a workaholic and is always there late. Her work must come first for her, and might even be the only thing she has, would you agree? You, on the other hand, said you have a happy home life and are able to leave the job behind when you go home. How fortunate you are. If it comes down to it, she will probably “win” because she’s the manager and because it means more to her than it does to you.

 

[EasterJoy]

She is acting like a typical new manager.

She hasn’t learned to delegate responsibility - so she tries to manage her work and everyone elses. It doesn’t work.

I would complain to HR, not he boss. Sometimes HR can take a non-adversarial approach of, “We have a new manager who needs a little help” instead of “people are complaining that you suck”.

Actually, I would try to present this as going to HR to look for ways to cope with this “period of adjustment.” OP, make a list of the specific things that have been a problem, your attempts to respond to criticism, and the results. Then, trying to seem optimistic that perhaps HR will have some useful suggestions, ask how HR how higher management wants you to handle this “new management style” you are trying to learn to cope with. This gets you on record as someone who is trying her hardest to be a “team player,” but is stumped about what realistic method you might try that you have not already tried.

 

[Sunbreak]

Most control freaks feel anxious about their job. They are trying to protect themselves. If you can help allay the person’s anxiety, the person will be calmer. You may be able to ask her what you can do to meet the needs of the job as she sees it. Reassure her that you want to do what is best for the company. Don’t take it personally, choose your battles and let her have control on some things. Try to maintain some boundaries for yourself.
Be careful going to HR. Not all HR departments want to deal with personality issues.