L
losh14
Guest
I’m still processing this. I’m encouraged by everyone on here who has shared their experience and I wanted to share my own and also ask for guidance and prayers.
A few weeks ago my wife found she was expecting our fourth. We were surprised but have been open to God’s plan throughout our 16-year relationship. We have used NFP exclusively throughout our marriage, and so our fourth pregnancy was not a shock but a little bit of surprise because we had not planned it. The OB’s pregnancy test was positive but an ultrasound found no heartbeat. She said it might not be far enough long to tell, or she may have miscarried. We talked, we cried a little at the possibility of a miscarriage, we talked about risks (we’re both over 40), we talked about planning for the baby, and other plans that we’d change. Last week we returned and an ultrasound confirmed that the baby had stopped growing, there was no heartbeat, no gain in hormone levels, no movement, no growth in the fetal pole. We had lost the baby.
The NP was helpful, even encouraging. She talked about her own experience with miscarriage. She was the first one to tell us “I’m sorry for your loss” and for the first time it felt like we had permission to grieve.
My wife is processing as best she can. She’s not laid up on the couch in tears but we have tearful conversations at moments. We throw ourselves into the joyful moments and hold each other at night. I’ve quietly looked into ways to heal and remember our child, who was only with us for a little time but who brought a change to our hearts. It helps me to ask the Lord to look over our little one and hold him or her on His lap. There doesn’t appear to be a cemetery for burying a baby lost in the first trimester in our archdiocese though our parish has a memorial to the unborn. I’ve read some sites from Catholics who suggest things I don’t think my wife could handle (one suggested catching the baby and attempting to clean him or her and hold her before putting him or her into a little coffin) - she emotionally wasn’t able to go to a funeral last year for a friend who lost a baby during birth, and she often gets sick at the sight of blood. I’d like to ask our pastor for a blessing for parents after a miscarriage but I don’t want to do it without my wife’s being ready. She has to grieve in her own way, too.
And so here we are. She’s sleeping. I’m trying to get this out so I can sleep - I have to admit there have been nights I leave bed and sit on the couch and have a good cry. It’s something everyone needs from time to time, even 40-something men. The other night I cried for hours. I only found peace when I offered the Lord my discomfort and prayed for every parent who was afraid of losing a child. This pain is awful but I know it’ll fade in time as we enjoy watching our children grow.
So what do I want here? I honestly don’t know. We’ve not told anyone because she’s not ready. She’s still carrying and waiting for nature to take its course. And our family is grieving someone else at the moment. I’d appreciate prayers for peace and guidance and health for the five of us. I’d really appreciate prayers for our baby who left footprints on our heart.
A few weeks ago my wife found she was expecting our fourth. We were surprised but have been open to God’s plan throughout our 16-year relationship. We have used NFP exclusively throughout our marriage, and so our fourth pregnancy was not a shock but a little bit of surprise because we had not planned it. The OB’s pregnancy test was positive but an ultrasound found no heartbeat. She said it might not be far enough long to tell, or she may have miscarried. We talked, we cried a little at the possibility of a miscarriage, we talked about risks (we’re both over 40), we talked about planning for the baby, and other plans that we’d change. Last week we returned and an ultrasound confirmed that the baby had stopped growing, there was no heartbeat, no gain in hormone levels, no movement, no growth in the fetal pole. We had lost the baby.
The NP was helpful, even encouraging. She talked about her own experience with miscarriage. She was the first one to tell us “I’m sorry for your loss” and for the first time it felt like we had permission to grieve.
My wife is processing as best she can. She’s not laid up on the couch in tears but we have tearful conversations at moments. We throw ourselves into the joyful moments and hold each other at night. I’ve quietly looked into ways to heal and remember our child, who was only with us for a little time but who brought a change to our hearts. It helps me to ask the Lord to look over our little one and hold him or her on His lap. There doesn’t appear to be a cemetery for burying a baby lost in the first trimester in our archdiocese though our parish has a memorial to the unborn. I’ve read some sites from Catholics who suggest things I don’t think my wife could handle (one suggested catching the baby and attempting to clean him or her and hold her before putting him or her into a little coffin) - she emotionally wasn’t able to go to a funeral last year for a friend who lost a baby during birth, and she often gets sick at the sight of blood. I’d like to ask our pastor for a blessing for parents after a miscarriage but I don’t want to do it without my wife’s being ready. She has to grieve in her own way, too.
And so here we are. She’s sleeping. I’m trying to get this out so I can sleep - I have to admit there have been nights I leave bed and sit on the couch and have a good cry. It’s something everyone needs from time to time, even 40-something men. The other night I cried for hours. I only found peace when I offered the Lord my discomfort and prayed for every parent who was afraid of losing a child. This pain is awful but I know it’ll fade in time as we enjoy watching our children grow.
So what do I want here? I honestly don’t know. We’ve not told anyone because she’s not ready. She’s still carrying and waiting for nature to take its course. And our family is grieving someone else at the moment. I’d appreciate prayers for peace and guidance and health for the five of us. I’d really appreciate prayers for our baby who left footprints on our heart.